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Why Men Cheat
Isn’t it natural for men to cheat? A man needs to spread his genes as wide as he can to ensure their survival, doesn’t he? Why is it such an issue? Are women expecting too much when they require fidelity from a man?
Women also cheat, but not to the same degree as men, and when they do the effect on a relationship is very much worse than when a man cheats a woman. This would make you think that fidelity is very important for men too, so, why do men cheat? There are three types of reasons, those to do with the man and his character, reasons to do with the relationship, and those that are a combination of the two.
Some men have made a separation between women who are for loving and women who are for sex. Their relationships follow a pattern where they are faithful for a while, and as soon as they feel settled and intimacy starts to grow, they stop being sexually attracted to their partner and start looking elsewhere. If they get into another relationship, then the pattern is repeated. This type of man has a problem with intimacy.
Another reason for a man to cheat may be because he is addicted to sex. The chase, the conquest the excitement give him an adrenaline rush and intensity that no ordinary everyday relationship can match. He can become quite seriously affected and his life may become unmanageable. He may be desperately in need of help, but not sure where to go or who to speak to about this. This is serious situation and almost always requires outside help in the form of therapy or group work.
Where the reasons are to do with the relationship, they are usually because of too much conflict or too much coldness. In either situation, the man might cheat because his needs for intimacy and closeness are not being met. For many men sex is the only way to feel close or to fully express their loving feelings. Being emotionally aware and being able to ask for what they want is too ”soft”! It is not even OK to admit to feeling needy or wanting closeness, but it is macho and acceptable to want sex.
Another relationship based reason for cheating happens if a man feels smothered or trapped. Sometimes the only way he can experience some sense of independence and control over his life is in an affair. This can give a feeling of being “one-up”, powerful, his own person.
Men also cheat when their relationship is at an end but still going on. The cheating simply finalises it and brings the fact that it is over out into the open. Sometimes the man may think the relationship has ended because the partner has said so, but in truth she didn’t mean it. The cheating then calls her bluff! At that point they can address their differences and maybe do something to improve things.
The third type of reason for cheating, a combination of both the man’s character and the relationship, concerns cyber sex. The internet is a massive source of sexual interest and sexual contacts, both virtual and otherwise. Some men don’t see it as cheating if it is “only virtual”, but it is cheating to many wives and partners who see it differently. It causes much unhappiness in relationships, while people battle out the rights and wrongs of it. The partner can feel betrayed, let down, unwanted and unattractive, and it can be very hard for the cheating partner to see it from any point of view but his own, which is usually that it is a bit of harmless fun.
If you are a man who is cheating, you might wonder about why you are doing it and how it is affecting your relationship. If you are a woman who is being cheated, you may accept that this is not necessarily a reason to separate, but why be with someone who cannot be with you 100%? Do you prefer it that way for reasons of your own? Some women do.
Cheating sends a powerful message that shouldn’t be ignored. It signals possible problems for the man who cheats, and for the relationship he is sharing. Where a couple are willing to discuss the situation with openness and honesty, and without attack or blame, then a way to a better relationship may open up. Alternatively open discussion may help you to part in the most constructive way, learning the lessons you need to learn from the experience.
At the end of it all, most people, men who cheat and those who are cheated, want to be loved and to give love, but the way they go about it makes it seem as though they want the opposite and sometimes that is what they get.
