Home » forums » Sex Problems for Women

masturbation

Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 05/04/2005 - 09:17. Sex Problems for Women

I have been with my partner off and on for the last 4 and half years, In the beginnining of our relationship I was not that intrested in sex but know that I am in my sexual peak and he is at the age of just not wanting to, but you see that is not my problem.
My problem is that he is addicted to porn and masturbation, he does it on a every day basis and it drives me nuts because I feel that he does not pay attention to me and he does more to the girls on the computer. He will sit at the computer for 4-6 hours a night and masturbates. I tell him that it is a problem and he just says stop tryingto control me. so if any one out there has any soulutions please help.

» login to post comments | previous forum topic | next forum topic | 6826 reads

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

I know how it feels

Submitted by Nicole on Tue, 06/06/2006 - 18:23.

I have been with my fiancé for a year and a half. In this time I have discovered a love I never thought possible. He’s smart, funny, sexy, driven and best of all he loves me! I can tell him anything and he doesn’t judge me or get upset. He’s not at all controlling or jealous. Most women would kill for what I have.
In our relationship we each have one huge problem and its killing us. I'm insecure and he likes porn! I have always been insecure and he has always looked at porn. So needless to say we each have a pretty destructive habit. His looking at porn first started being a problem for me when I caught him in the act! He was so ashamed and for the first time in our relationship he didn’t talk to me for a day.
I didn’t handle it well and I’m still a little screwed up by it. My self esteem is already low so that just killed me. He waits until I’m asleep to do it. So it’s not like I’m not home or anything. The thing with me is I want to be understanding and if it’s something he likes I want to be included. The difference between you and I is I could never cheat on him. I love everything about him (well besides this one thing of course). This actually kills his need for me. The only time we have sex is when I initiate it and that hurts! He says he has always looked at porn and he loves me and it has nothing to do with me! But it takes away from his need to do it with me.
So two nights ago I wake up in the middle of night and catch him again! My initial reaction was rage, hurt, betrayal, and heart ach. Then I decided to take this into my own hands. I made him watch it with me. At first it was weird for him and he seemed ashamed but when he opened up we had the most amazing night! But I couldn’t shake my hurtful feelings afterwards. The very next night he’s at it again! That was it for me! I couldn’t handle that he would prefer to look at porn over me. I’m a very open person and I will do whatever he wants so why? Why does he do this? It feels so personal. So we fought then we didn’t talk to each other and then we had a very long talk about everything. He told me again that he loves the way I look and he hates that I’m so insecure. He also said that he feels he has to sensor his thoughts and actions so as to not upset me. I hate that! I don’t want to control him. He deserves to trust me and to be himself with me. He agreed to try to change and so did I. My fear however is that we will end up in the same place a month from now, and at that time he wont be so willing to talk it out. I’d really appreciate any insight or advice. It makes me feel so much better to know this problem is not just mine and his.

» login to post comments

Hi Nicole,This is my story

Submitted by Blue Sky on Wed, 07/06/2006 - 00:52.

Hi Nicole,

This is my story too. I've written about this in detail somewhere on this site but i wanted to come back and talk about some progress we are making. Because this might be of some help to you I'll do it here.

Just like in your case, the porn, the associated dishonesty and my feelings of betrayal, jealously, pain and devastation are, at this stage, the entirety of what is wrong in our relationship. Otherwise, we both agree we are very, very good together.

We both decided that we wanted to do something about this. My partner felt so ashamed and so terrible that I was in so much pain when all of this surfaced. So what we decided we'd do is each go see a counsellor. He told me he wanted to break the porn addiction -- and he agrees it *is* an addiction; and I wanted to see someone to work out how to deal with my self-esteem issues.

The first person he saw wasn't that great. it was someone who specialised in addictions but his suggestion was that my partner join a 12-step program and what that would mean was joining a group with people who had problems with gambling and drugs etc. He felt this was in a slightly different category -- there is even more shame -- and also how would he know that the others were able to keep confidentiality. And my partner is a doctor, and we don't live in a huge town, he sees this as very important, and I agree.

Then he saw a psychologist who said some very good things, and she recommended we go see a couples/sex therapist. When I saw my psychologist she said that she wanted to work on two things -- 1, for me to learn that the porn is not about me, and to not take it personally (well, i want to go along with this, but actually, i am convinced i am not sexy enough for my partner, and feel sense of hopelessness at not being able to compete with porn, so not sure i will get to the point of being able to do that) and 2. to work on some problem solving, including working out where my 'line' is.

I told her that one line I have is honesty. If my partner can't find a way to stop lying, then that will be it. If there is no trust, then there is no point. if a partner can't be honest, then if you have doubts about something, you are unable to check things out, you will always be wondering what reality really is.

I don't expect him to be able to repress the porn and give up just like that, but I am still searching for what it is that will work.

When we have been to the couples therapist, if it's of any interest to anyone, I will write back and share her advice on this.

» login to post comments

Sex Addict

Submitted by mpramage on Tue, 05/04/2005 - 21:27.

He is addicted to porn and sex and that way meets his needs. There is no place for you in this scenario. He is not listening to your concerns and is not meeting your needs. You can decide what you want to do about this. I don't agree that telling him how you feel is anything to do with controlling him. His control issues lie within himself and his inabiblity or wish to control his activities.

» login to post comments

i think you should tell him s

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 01/06/2005 - 21:10.

i think you should tell him straight to stop or he will lose u make suggesting about sex and take it from there but make sure he stops now.

» login to post comments

Masturbation

Submitted by morenito53 on Fri, 19/05/2006 - 16:21.

There is one thing related to excess of masturbation is Sexual addiction I have that and for more he wants to quit he really hard, what he is trying to look in internet is fantasies he hasn't got at home. So my suggestion for a solution would be, try to fill his fantasies maybe he like woman's who are very upfront who loves to command men's, who tells them naughty words and things like that, Sher him up and show him that what you got at home is better than internet.

» login to post comments