You can’t live together or without each other. Letting go of your partner involves letting go of some of yourself. Are you ready for it, and if not, what are you trying to preserve? Is it somebody else’s idea of what your partnership should be?

Sometimes a relationship seems dead, but neither partner can take responsibility for bringing it to an end. It seems easier to continue, than to face the upheaval of change. Change is always difficult, and we can agonise over whether or not we have made the 'right' decision. A couple may have tried to separate, but found themselves back together again, several times. The feelings of loss and loneliness drive them back.

If you have never lived on your own, perhaps you fear loneliness, the sense of failure, a lower standard of living, or ‘breaking up the family?’ If there is violence in your partnership- you may fear threats or retribution, or you may feel guilty and want to compensate for this by staying together.

Try to work out all the pro’s and cons, not after an argument, and ask yourself if you can have any of this conversation with your partner, and how much would be shared?

Often in these stuck situations couple therapy can be useful in talking over the possibilities and helping a couple feel more confident about their decision, whether to separate or work at getting more life and energy into their relationship.