Home

Advice for Arguments in Marriage

Submitted by mkarliner on Thu, 27/01/2005 - 11:30. Relationships | Medications and Treatments

First consider the good things that brought you into the marriage in the first place. Remember how you met, what you did together next, and the things about each other that you really liked and admired. Some of those things may still be possible. Remeber also how you made the decision to get married. Think about your wedding day, the people who supported your marriage, the people whe had doubts.

A very common reason for arguments is the disappointment we experience when the hopes and expectations we had at the beginning are not coming true. This makes us feel sad and angry, and wanting to blame the other person, who may be feeling exactly the same.

There are other reasons, such as one person changing in a way the other did not expect, for example wanting less sex, or not wanting children. This can lead to feelings of betrayal and being let down, which can make a couple irritable and argumentative.

Other problems of couples which may cause arguments are too much or too little intimacy, power struggles, and different ideas of how to show emotions.

If you can learn to really understand the other person's point of view, then the arguments lose their hurtfulness and become discussions of differences.

A useful book is "Stop Arguing and Start Talking" by Susan Quilliam (see right).

Arguments in MarriageRelationships

» login to post comments | 3482 reads

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

Very wise approach, you

Submitted by gordman on Tue, 06/11/2007 - 11:59.

Very wise approach, you couldn't be more right about this. A marriage is a tough challenge, apparently only few survive to this challenge. The secret? They know to cherish, they know to give ans receive back. Nobody says marriage is easy, statistics speak for themselves, about 50% American people divorce. Why this dramatic number? I still don't know, I strongly believe we need a public campaign to .

» login to post comments

No Energy for my husband anymore

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 12/05/2005 - 18:12.

Hi, I met my husband on june 2002, got pregnant in june 2003, and was married on Sept 2003. I'm not sure if I loved him or just wanted a partner at that time. I did have strong feelings for him, he seemed Generous and kind and caring of somewhat. When we met,I had a feeling that he might be my husband, it was very wierd. I was currently residing in South Florida, But I knew his sister for many many years, which I grew up in NYC the bronx. And so did my spouse.
Anyways in the begining, I believe he was also confused and not sure of our relationship, he was involved with another woman, whether it was serious or not, im not sure. But according to his sister he wanted to marry her but she put him down.
I believe he was also in the state of mind where he just wanted a partner for companion and not to be alone. And so was I feelign that way. But not realizing that I'm truly a romantic dreamer, who wanted her knight and shining armor to sweep her off her feet. We've been married now for 2 years with one daughter whose 14 months. He has a previous daughter who is going to be 14, which that was very hard for me to take in, plus his daughter's mother who became a true nuisance to me.
I'm a stay home mom and my whole entire immediate family lives in Florida. I miss them dearly. I get depressed about not being around them and letting my parents watch my daughter grow up. I've attempted to leave him twice. Once was in August 2003, we came back from vacation and his daughter apparently got jelous of the fact i took some professional pictures of my daughter, which mind you she was 13 and she was jelous of her 5 month old sister and who she already had professional pictures all over the house since she was a baby.
Anyways it was an ugly fight to long of the story, but it involved his daguhter and her mother. Than we had a close call again around January I believe again involving his daughter and the mother. Now this arugument was not intended directly to him. I was just venting and I just needed someone to hear me but apparently he thought I was attacking him. And I swear to you I was not, I was just complaining that I cant take it today, between my daughter screaming for almost 3 hours for no reason. just wanted her way and not my way..
There's more but it just got so overwhelming and I got home from picking up my husband from the train stop and I knew if I left he would of still left her in her clothes and I just grabbed my kid's arm and brought her to the room..he stated i was hurting..i would NEVER hurt my child..if she deserves a no or a powpow in her butt..i will do so, I'm her mother but im not a sick demon woman who would harm there child, he came into the baby's room and was screaming at me in my face i just pushed him away..and than he grabbed me and pushed me and i tried to just keep putting my duaghter pj's on, and again he proceeded to grab me and push me, he didnt punch me but he did grab me with his strength he states that i dont know what his strength truly is, and that im lucky..i told himto drop dead..i couldnt take it anymore..
Our communication has somewhat improved. There was a problem with it, when I try to communicate about his daughter and his daughter's mother he either shuts up or yells at me and avoids the subject and that never gets resolved..if I'm just venting..I can't even do that...
I've done everything for this child, she's 14 months old and he's gotten up twice her entire life to feed her and even so,I had to get up to make sure he was okay just doing it. My child wasnt a easy kid to begin with,she was very colicky and cried for many many hours..where I thought I was going to go insane..I have no family here in New York..I'm so alone..anyways...I love my husband, I do, he's a wonderful provider. He's got a good heart, he's very generous to me and to others, very outgoing as well. I dont believe I'm the woman for him.

Can you help. or give me any advice.
Thank you

» login to post comments