Infidelity

Affair with Long-Term Colleague

Infidelity

I'm seeking advice regarding a somewhat unusual affair. I have worked closely with a man for almost five years, and there has been nothing but mutual respect between us. He is the head of the organization where I work, and I am one of the top strategists/writers there. He is 25 years older than I am (I'm 28), married, and with three children. He has never had an affair in his 18 years of marriage, and he has not attempted to hide anything from me. While we have always had a strong connection, no intimacy occured until two weeks ago, when we were at another colleague's art event.

From that evening on, we have been communicating more and more, spending the occasional evening together, etc. We have not had sex but have done everything else. The unusual part of this, along with the fact that we actually know each other really well, is that he is not having problems in his marriage and does not see the relationship with me as a fling or an escape. Neither of us had designs on the other, per se, but there was obviously a layer of mutual attraction. Neither of us quite know what to do now, whether there is something deeply human and necessary about what we're sharing or whether it's just stupid and doomed. We talk forthrightly about it. I like the fact that the relationship is partitioned for me, as I care about him but can also pursue my own work and writing when we're not together.

Looking for advice from someone who has been here

Infidelity

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. I am 29 and he is 26. Our relationship was amazing. He is my best friend. We really have an intense love that I have never found before. We were talking about moving in together and marriage in the next couple of years. Everybody always said we were the best couple. I have been in 3 long term relationships and have never felt this close and sure about someone in my life. I have trust issues but found that I was loving and very trusting with him. I am the person that I want to be with him.

He is in the Coast Guard and recently went away for 4 days for training. His cell phone did not get reception at the base and so our conversations were few and far between. On the last night of his training he called and our conversation did not go very well. We did not fight but I was really missing him and a little annoyed that we werent really able to talk. We talked for awhile, told eachother we loved and missed eachother and he got off the phone. He was going to the bar with his roommate. I didn't think twice about it.

He called me the next day and was very upset. He said that he had met a girl in the bar and she went back to the room with he and his roommate just to talk. He said that he ended up fooling around with her when his roommate left the room. He stopped it before it went all of the way and said that it all happended in 5 minutes that he was "taken back." He said the girl was incredibly forward. He was not attracted to her and could not "get in the mood". He is very sorry and says that it was the worst mistake he has ever made. He went days without eating and has been throwing up for the past week. He says that he was missing me a lot and realized that I had the ability to hurt him and he got scared. He now says that he has no doubts that I am the one for him and he wants nothing more than for me to give him a second chance. He says he loves me more than anything. He went and got all of the tests he needs to to make sure that I will be safe even though he didn't go all the way. He came up with the idea of us keeping a journal together so he can more openly express his feelings to me.

should we marry?

Infidelity

The love of my life and I are due to be married in 8 weeks, but friday night she kissed another man.

I think I know how I feel but need to double check my feelings with others - I'd really like it for someone to leave a short note to help me please?

3 weeks ago the husband of her best friend (22years old) was killed in a motorbike accident, since then she has pulled away and been very scared of getting married as she could lose me. She has also recently started a new job and was getting on very well with a guy there since the accident as he lost his brother to a motorbike when he was younger (due to my trust in her I didn't find this an issue).

Last monday the guy at work was hurt in a motorbike accident which upset my girlfriend a lot, and she has since said that because of this she thought that she was developing feelings for him.

On friday night I went to meet her after a work social do, and saw them together and could tell something was up. She was drunk and told me afterwards that they had kissed but it didn't feel right (although they kissed more than once).

I am convinced that she loves me and was scared of marrying and using this as protection from fear, but she's hurt me a lot and I don't have a lot of confidence in her ability to deal with tough situations anymore. She is going crazy at making things better - she called the other guy and told him that she was fighting for me and to stay away from her, though they still work together.

low self confidence affect sex after his internet affair

Infidelity

How do I go on? 6 yrs ago I found out my husband had a very intimate internet affair. He chatted with a woman who lived far away and there were also phone calls. At the time he lived away from us (we have 2 kids) because of his job. We met all vacations holidays and so forth.

What keeps troubling me is that it was way more intimate conversation than we'll ever have. I've always missed more openness around my likes during love making but without success. However he asked her all the details what and how she likes it. I now feel I'm not important to my husband and we've had a lot of fights. I told him one more flirtatious email to a girl and thats it. 2 yrs. ago he wrote a young singer about how good she looks. He says it meant nothing but after that I do not get turned on at all, we have sex maybe once every other month (I only do it for the intemacy)and he wonders why I'm so passive now and why I mostly drink first, I've explained but he seems to not get it. We cant have a real conversation about it, he withdraws any conversation that has to do about how I feel. He has after we argued about these internet thing quit giving me any compliments.

I have suggested we split but seems he dont want to leave.

My Spouse Gave Me An STD

Infidelity

Hi

I am so confused. I recently went to the dr for an annual exam and found out that I had two STD's. I confronted my husband and he finally admitted that he has been unfaithful for the past two years. We have only been married for threee. He had unprotected sex with over 6 women, some of whom he doesn't even remember their names. I filed for divorce, but everyone else is saying that I should work on it because marriage is for better/worse. I feel like he is only sorry because he was caught and that his apology can't be sincere when he just slept with someone a month ago. I understood my vows, but this is not what they meant by "For Better or For Worse". Am I wrong for filing for a divorce without counseling or should I kick him to the curb?

Sincerely
The Broken-Hearted Wife

husband had affair with female boss

Infidelity

I need some help. I feel like I am falling apart. My husband told me of an affair he had with his female supervisor for almost a year. He claims that there was no love on his part it was only sex because he says we weren't having sex enough for him. He doesn't seem to understand why I am having such a hard time getting past this. I'm I wrong in not letting this drop. Is there something wrong with me?

Advice on coping with infidelity/ relationship break-ups

Infidelity

I wrote quite a long response in response to a forum member's post who was dealing with the anguish of discovering her partner had been unfaithful. As it contains general points, I thought it might be helpful to some other people coping with relationship difficulties if I amend my post to make it more generally applicable, and post it as a new thread, where it will be more accessible.

When things go wrong in life-partner relationships, the effects can be enormously painful and disorienting. I think there are two major risks involved when such events happen and we try to find a way out of the emotional turmoil. The first major risk comes when we tell ourselves that what has happened to us is so painful as to be extraordinary, and that we must do whatever we can, as soon as possible, to remove our pain. The second major risk comes when we seek to resolve our crisis by applying what seems to be the conventional 'wisdoms' that many people generate almost automatically when they hear about our misfortunes, and that are reinforced daily in the popular media.

With regard to the overwhelming grief, disappointment, anxiety and sense of loss and betrayal that attend the discovery of a trusted partner's infidelity, it will perhaps be helpful to accept that one's pain is the place one is in at the moment, and that it is perfectly understandable that one should be feeling this pain and uncertainty under the circumstances. The problem with this kind of pain is that it tends to be very intense, gets in the way of our living our daily lives and sleeping, and also, alas, tends to be with us for a long time. Not only that, but when we find that our efforts to remove the pain are unsuccessful, our minds tend to tell us that things will never get better for us in our future. If your mind is telling you this, then I would invite you not to believe it. Things will get better for you, despite the pain you are feeling at the moment. In the short term, you may just experience this improvement for brief moments when a shaft of sunlight manages to penetrate the dark clouds; but in the course of time, however the issue between yourself and your (ex-?) partner gets resolved, you will experience the kind of emotional weather conditions you had before your upset: the usual good and bad experiences life brings us all.

My boyfriend has cheated! What should I do?

Infidelity

Hi,

I have been with my boyfriend for four and a half years, we have a mortgage and have been living together for almost 2 years. I just found out that he has cheated on me 3 times in the space of 6 months. This happened 2 and a half years ago.
Normally I would never tolerate this and end the relationship straight away. But because it was so long ago I am considering what I should do?!

I believe him when he says he only cheated these times, as I only found out about 1 time and he admitted to the 2 other times which he didn't need to do. And says he is glad its out in the open now.

He has moved in with his parents till I decide what I want to do. But I am so confused! Anyone who knows him would say he is not the type of bloke who would do this. I think this is why it has come as more of a shock to me!

I am only 24, and have been with him since I was 19, only having slept with 1 person before him, and never having had a long-term relationship before. Makes it very difficult to know what to do!

Any advice would be very welcome! As right now I am at the end of my tether and do not know what to do!

Is talking dirty to a woman on the net cheating?

Infidelity

Please help if you can offer some words of wisdom.
I've put myself into a tricky situation that I'm not sure how to handle.
My partner and I have been together for 2 years, engaged for the last 9 months. For the last 6 months we've been trying to have a baby with fertility help as I'm 42. Obviously this puts strain on any relationship and my partner has recently been finding it more and more difficult to have sex on the prescribed days. As a result, our normally healthy and happy sex life has become rather strained and lacking.
A week ago, I found out that he has recently been active on a website dedicated to finding other sexual partners.
I signed onto this website with a pseudonym and have engaged him in a rather explicit ongoing dialogue. Of course, he doesn't know its me and I'm not sure how to continue with this lie and what to do about an eventual meeting, should it happen.
Should I keep quiet, confront him or trap him??
Please help! Any advice would be much appreciated

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