Partner Therapy Group - Sex Addiction

Looking for ideas to help me stop

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 21:28:25 +0000

Find myself being drawn to pay internet chat sites. At this point it's not even about sexual gratification. I've made some friends and also live out some mild fantasies. The disturbing part is that I can't stop and I'm spending money that I shouldn't. I'm in therapy but have a hard time discussing this with my therapist. Also fear SAA as I'm embarrassed to talk, in public, about this. Does anyone have ways to help keep myself away from these sites or know of any online support groups?

Sex and love addiction

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 11:34:35 +0000

My husband of 14 years is a sex and love addict and also an alcoholic. He just spent two months at a rehab cetnre in Santa Fe and is currently at a halfway house in Miami for a further two months. I just wanted to connect with anyone who wants to chat about their similar experiences for advice and solace. My husband almost never wants to have sex with me and he also suffers with ED which is psychological. We have two kids ages 13 and 11. Two girls. The reason that my husband finally went into rehab was that my daughter and I walked into his office one afternoon and there on his computer screen for both of us to see was a woman masturbating. He was very ashamed and depressed and this prompted him to go into rehab. We have never had a good sex life and I have caught hom three other times in 12 years looking at porn at home but I never realised how serious the problem was until he went into rehab and admitted the amount of time he spends on the net. He has also used prostitutes three times since our marriage and been unfaithful with someone from his office once. I am finding it very hard to deal with the pain of his betrayal and also continue life with my kids, work etc. Does anyone have any advice to give or story to share. He is also a love addict and has fantasies of finding the perfect woman who would make him happy. And I always thought I did.

Lost in a Lack of Emotion

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 13:50:32 +0000

I have just come back from my girlfriend C__'s flat having been dumped. We have been together for 1 year and we both decided a long time back that we were in love with each other. Quite simply she is fantastic and I was the luckiest man on the planet in respect of our physical, psychological, social and sexual relationship etc

However, I have always had a problem with internet porn. When I was younger (I am 29 now), before the days of the internet, I had literally hundreds of porn magazines. The top shelf in my wardrobe literally groaned under the weight of Club, High Society and a wealth of DVD's (and even back in the day VHS'). Then as the net developed and as I got access to better and better technology, more bandwidth and so on I got in to talking to webcam girls, scoping through escort sites to look at the best girls that were available that I could 'potentially' have encounters with... you get the picture. Certainly there was a pattern of escalation and by about 2 years ago I was spending upwards of £300/ month ($600) on porn members sites and having phone and webcam sex with various girls around the globe. Once or twice I even went to meet an escort. When I met this wonderful girl though the only thing that changed was that I never met someone in the flesh. That for me was morally wrong.

compulsive masturbation

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 23:31:55 +0100

I feel really confused and any advice is welcomed. I am happily married, we have been together for four years. A few weeks ago I was away for a week, and when I returned he confessed that he had been masturbating and watching porn on the internet for hours and everyday. It was hard but I tried to support him. Anyway, I had a sexual blockage after that confession, I did not want to have sex with him, and it took me time and energy to open again. I do think that masturbation is good if it is practiced in a healthy way, but the way he does it is quite destructive.

Instead, I do not like porn at all, I never did, because I think it dehumanises, it denigrates women and it makes sex look like a product of consumption. And overall, it has little to do with how I understand sex, which is a means of communication for me. The thing is, yesterday I came home earlier than expected, and again, I found him watching porn and masturbating. After what happened, and after all the pain coming from that, how could he do it again, only a couple of weeks later?

I really think he has a problem, and it is affecting our sexual life. Sometimes I feel that he treats me as if I was a porn actress, it's not so obvious but there is something that just does not work.

confused about my fiance (and his tragic background)

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 22:41:58 +0100

G--- and I have always had issues over intimacy and sexual fulfillment. We have been together for 4 and a half years. I am 32 and he is 26. I discovered early on that greg pre-ejaculates and I decided to help him get treatment. Although we have never sought counselling, I bought several books and did my journal research over the internet. But the whole time during my research and efforts, he never took the initiative to get involved. In other words I was attemping all efforts to help him by myself.

He never initiates sex. He has never approached me sexually or shown desires for me. He never rejects my advances and seems to enjoy the little sex we do have. But it has never been extaordinary, as you can imagine, since we do not last or even continue the act once he ejaculates. Despite premature ejaculation, should it not be normal for him to want more of me since he is young and in his prime?

I must say that there was always something missing in our relationship, there was always a gap between us. He is the most wonderful man. He has a good heart and I know that he cares for me. But often times I have felt alone and distant from him.

There has always been a communication gap between us. He has the most difficult time expressing and sharing his feelings. I can't even remember if he ever had an opinion about something as I have always wondered about his thoughts. Despite the several books I have bought concerning communication, and the promises that he would change, he never read any.

Porn Addiction - Does therapy have successful results - should I marry this Oct or pospone?

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:41:03 +0100

Appologies - no letter y on kepad and taking me ages to cut and paste.

I have been with my Fiance for just over one year. He is 24 and I am 34. We have just chosen our wedding venue and I was going to book it in the next day or two. However, this morning I have had confirmation from him that he has a problem and he can not help himself masturbating over porn and wants me to help and support him in stopping it - as he hates doing it as he feels guilt etc afterwards, especially as he does not want to hurt or lose me.

It is difficult for me to understand why he could not help it when he knew it would result in the possible ending of our relationship. He was in floods of tears and told me that he has always had a problem with having sex, and he has a uncomfortable feeling/guilt when he is having real sex, but these feelings have been decreasing over the time we have been together.

He has admitted that he has a problem with porn addiction and desperately does not want to loose me and I do believe him and know that he adores me. He has asked me to help him and he will do anthing to stop it so that it does not affect our relationship and he hates the feelings of guilt and uncomforableness when having sex. We spent a long time talking and my initial reaction would be if I could ever trust him as he has broken promises and lies to hide what he has been doing. I want to trust him and not be checking his emails, texts, computer etc - which I have checked texts periodically

My boyfriend has admitted he is a sex addict

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 13:19:11 +0100

Two years ago for the first time in my life i feel in love completely with a wonderful man. I knew within weeks he was the one i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Over the next few months we moved in together and although the sex was never great i just thought that with time it would get better.After living together for a while i began to notice that he spent a lot of time looking at porn, i didnt have a problem with this at first as i didnt mind looking at it myself. We bought a house together and i introduced him to my family and my dad which was something i had never done before.Over the next few months i saw that the problem was getting worse but thought that he just needed to talk to someone i told him he had a problem but he would deny that it was.

He asked me to marry in at midnight on new years eve and i have never been happier in my life it was fantastic but after a month my father fell ill and i had to go away for two weeks. When i came back i found out that he had been on dating website and in the end i told him that he had a problem and he admitted to me he had. I could never walk away from him and i now realise that this is because my mother died of cancer when i was 6 and i have issues around it.

Sex - Good or Bad

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 09:24:55 +0100

Hi,

I am 24 M. My girl friend wants to have sex with me. But I like to have a good relation without sex. Is having sex with her is good or bad. Can I have sex with her or I have to wait until my marriage. I m also eager to have sex but controlling myself.

I'm totally confused.

Should boys keep viriginity unitl marriage, Please advice.

Should I Ieave now?

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 09:44:49 +0100

My boyfriend is a porn addict but more recently I have to my absolute disgust discovered him looking at transvestites - quite alot! Does tis mean he could be gay? I have also discovered his google searches on 'animal sex - having sex with an animal' - this horrifies me as I cannot understand who on earth would look at things like this. Physcologically - what does this mean about him?
He also looked up dogging sites in the UK. Should I leave now, surely someone like this needs help?
The thing is we live together and have been in what I thought was a great, honest relationship. I now feel hurt, upset and disgusted. Can anyone tell me why he is doing this? What does it mean?

Help me try to help myself

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 08:27:19 +0100

I really need some help here. I believe with my whole head and heart my bf of 2years is addicted to porn. He keeps telling me its not an addiction, he just enjoys porn, and it has nothing to do with me, that is in not an emotional thing. He tells me I have to chill out on him.
Well it has gotten bad, I have walked in on him masturbating to porn more than once, and was disgusted. If you ever come to our house, sit on the sofa at your own discrection, I dont. I used to love to watch him do that, it was foreplay for me, and I liked us using porn together. But since I have opened my eyes and have seen what it is all about for him, I am not turned on by it at all anymore. Of course he calls me frigid now. He watchs internet porn EVERYDAY, and indulges in solo-sex to dvds (since I made him cancel the porn channel) at least once a week(his own admission, I believe it to be more).
It has become almost impossible for me to reach an orgasm when and if we have sex, and he doesn't everytime either. I love this man with all my heart, but really feel there is a problem here.
He tells me it is so normal that every man does it, the difference is how the woman reacts. Well let me tell you, my reactions have been anything but good. It has gotten to be too much.
If he were only checking out porn once a week or something, maybe it wouldnt be so bad, but BELIEVE ME...it is EVERYDAY. All I have to do is check the computer. And if it has been something pretty bad, he will clear the temp files.
I've tried ignoring it, yelling, crying, counseling(by myself because according to him he isn't the one with the problem)
Please help me find a way to deal with this...
Any advice is appreciated....

teen porn

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 07:45:01 +0100

Ever since we got the computer my husband has gone to the teen porn sites. He says that all the girls that he looks at are all 18 or older. I've seen a lot of the stuff he looks at and there is no way many of the girls are any way near 18 years old. If he were looking at mature women I would understand a little more, but this to me is sick and disgusting. His attitude toward me changed. I wasn't young enough or sexy enough. And I didn't do the things that they did sexually. He prefers the girls with little boobs who look about 15 years old. No one know what he prefers but me. I am tired of keeping his secret. I had a program installed on the computer. It keeps track of all web sites he goes to and records all pictures he views. I now have proof and he has a big surprise coming. I have tried every way that I know to get him to stop. He has proven that teen porn is more important than his marriage. When I leave this marriage I have decided that everyone, especially his family will see why I left. It is sad, he threw away 30 years for images of teen-age girls.

Is it fantasy or Bisexual

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 15:07:06 +0100

Hi All

Where do i start, I have been with my boyfriend for just over a yr but we have been together on off before that for 3 yrs. The problems we have are always the same SEX. He seems to have addiction to chatrooms and sex txt, phone sex, pic swopping. The trouble is it is just not this, but i think he is also bi.

Quick rundown of what has happened.

Feb 2005 found out he had been in chat rooms on his mobile. He was txting a girl quite way from us and he seemed to feel that he was falling for her, managed to convince him that it was just fantasy and i was real etc we split for week or so and got bk together, after him promising me that he would not go on them again.

Aug 2005 we were having problems again and i feared the same, thou this time he had met somone and decieded that he would leave me for her. He moved away untill dec 2005. Where he returned back to his old loggings and job, and of course he tried to get back with me. He begged me for 3 months telling me and promising me he wld change, i gave in as my heart tells me i love him(you see we were once married back in 1985 and have 2 children together) (yes we split cos i found out about affair) But i really thought mayb he does love me as much as i loved him. so we went back.

Teen Porn (taboo???)

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 19:10:45 +0100

I recently came across my boyfriends stash of pornography on his computer. He is 23 and I am 21. I don't really have a problem with pornography. I used to watch it with my ex boyfriend all the time. I am a model and very attractive and also a very sexual person so I was surprised to find out my boyfriend had been sneaking to watch porn every chance he got. When I went to work early in the morning he would wake up (which is really hard for him to do) and sneak on the computer.
I found that he strictly watches teen porn. All of the girls he likes to look at are very small and underdeveloped and none of them look over the age of 16. When I confronted him about it he said he would stop. He also said that 16 year olds are just more attractive and girls his own age 20-25 year olds all look too old and like junkies. This really concerns me. I dont want my boyfriend looking at young girls in that way. Other than his porn addiction he seems like the best guy in the world but when we go out to the pool or the store or other places like that I can also always see his eyes wandering torward 12 year old girls. I don't think he will ever act on it. He says he only loves me and wants to be with me but he just loves looking at these young girls. He has stopped looking at porn for 6 months for me but when I tell him maybe its time we could go to the adult store and pick up a movie he gets real shaky and excited. Should I be worried about this behavior. Do you think it's time to move on? I understand that a lot of guys like looking at young girls but when is too much.

my boyfriend is lying about his porn collection

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 11:56:14 +0000

HI there. I see that lots of women are going through this problem. I just don't understand men at all. Why do men in so called "happy relationships" that are supposedly "in love" look at porn? I think they are sick and disturbed and i think it is cheating.
I am by no means a prude. I love sex. but I do not think it is at all appropriate for a boyfriend or a husband to be looking at that stuff and especially LYING about it. I have been with mine since Aug 04, we broke up for 5 months and have been back together since Aug 06. We started having problems when I found his porn stash in Oct 05 and confronted him about it. NOw when we first started dating I flat out asked him do you have any porn? OH no he said. I don't look at that stuff.

My guitar magazines are my porn. So I dropped it. He knows that I am a very jealous person and that i am trying to curb it. So when I found the 2 boxes under his bed some with current dates (mags) I was severely pissed. He said he had tried to give them to his friends. Whatever. He was extremely mad that I snooped through his room. Well he was only mad because he got caught. I'm not stupid. So anyway just tonight I found 2 brand new May 2007 issues tucked under his mattress (along with tons of older ones) Since we got back together, everything has been amazing. Our sex life is great, we don't fight. SO WHAT THE HELL??????????? It is cheating. I consider it cheating as he is staring at another naked woman and that is not part of the deal. I am the only naked one he should be staring at and that's it. I think it is sick and gross and of course,

God I need Help

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 20:19:31 +0000

I'm just so depressed/fed up with everything at the moment or should Imsay my addiction to Porn. I work from home and just spent 2 days looking at porn. I'm married with a son and she doesn't know what I do when she's at work. I just cant stop. I'm in UK and don't know how to get help.
I did speak to Sex addict anon but felt it wasn't for me as this semi-religious thing isn't for me and they meet in the evening - I just can't get away without telling my wife where I'm going. Is there self help or on line group I could join?

I need help badly - any suggestions would be great.