Partner Therapy Group - Gay Issues and Problems

Introduction to gay issues and problems

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 11:14:19 +0000

When we started the Partner Therapy website, we made a conscious decision not to create a seperate section for gay issues. This was because we think that everyone has elements of all orientations in them, and did not want to create an artificial 'gay ghetto'. As the forums have developed, we have seen overwhelmingly heterosexual questions and problems, with the exception of some problems about orientation.

So, we have decided to create a gay forum, but this should not be taken to imply that anyone should not post to whichever area he or she thinks is appropriate. However, it does mean that we are keen to have representative postings from all sections of the community, and do not want anyone excluded.

Please post as you see fit.

Enjoy,

The Partner Therapy Group.

Problems with my Long Term Relationship

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 18:40:38 +0000

Ok, I'm 33 years old and my partner is 39. We have been in a long term committed relationship for 14 years. We have had a loving relationship for the first 10 years of the relationship. In the past few years it has gotten worse. We don't talk like we used to, make love like we used to, or spend time together like we used to. I am a positive person and for the most part have a good attitude toward life because you only get one life, so make it the best I can. My partner used to feel that way and lately he is negative, depressed, has an attitude and sometimes it brings me down and then I get depressed and start an attitude. I grew up in an environment that was extremely depressing and I promised myself as an adult I would be happy and make something of my life and enjoy myself.

I wanted to be happy and the person I'm with to be happy, but for the life of me I can't figure out what to do to help my partner out. He think there is no problem and then starts to reverse the issues on me and tries to manipulate me into thinking the problems are all me. It's like if I say something is blue, then he says it's green and if I say it's cold then he says it's warm. Sometimes I think he wants me to believe all our problems are me. He likes throwing my family issues up to me and then I get defensive and do the same and it only makes the whole thing worse.

Am I Over-Reacting Or Is My Boyfriend Bi-Sexual Or Gay?

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 22:29:19 +0100

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is a musician and a very quiet kind of guy. Because my boyfriend is a musician he travels quite a bit. Recently, I found out that his driver is gay and it just so happens that he and my boyfriend are good friends and they share the same hotel room when traveling. I began to become suspicious when my boyfriend who was casually talking to me on the phone told me that this guy had just finished cooking food for them and the guy was getting ready to serve him his food.

The very next day I called my boyfriend at 4:00 p.m., to see how he was doing and I noticed that he was asleep, then I heard this loud snoring and it was the guy that he shares his room with. I asked my boyfriend if they were sleeping together because the snoring was very close as if they were right next to each other. My bf replied no they were 8 feet apart and he changed the conversation. Sometimes when traveling there will be 2 or 3 days when they don't have a gig they will buy food from the grocery store and stay in the hotel room the entire time together. I asked my boyfriend about this and he says all they do is eat, sleep and watch tv.

I have also taken notice that whenever my boyfriend and I are on the telephone, and this guy is around he doesn't talk much and he kind of hurries me off the phone. But if there's a crowd around you can't keep my boyfriend off the phone with me. My boyfriend recently got sick on the road and had to stay over night in the hospital. This was my time to finally speak with his friend who told me he was unable to sleep because my boyfriend was away. I asked the friend did he have a girlfriend and he told me no and that he was not interestd or looking for a woman right now, and said that he was happy in his life at the moment. I kind of mention to the guy that I hoped he was not gay and he remained silent with no reply. I flat out asked my boyfriend was there anything going on between the two of them and his reply was simply no and that I must be crazy to think something like that.

Am I asking for too much?

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 17:48:32 +0100

My partner and I have been together for 9 years. My partner has had some hormone issues and she has since been treated for it. Our sex life has dwindled for the past three years and there was always an excuse for us not having sex. Now that the medication is taking care of those issues, I am still getting those excuses. She states that sex is not love nor is it what a relationship is based on. I feel as though she is pushing me away and I don't feel as if I can tell her that I love her, because I don't know if I do anymore. I enjoy sex and I would love to enjoy making love to her, but there is no intimacy in our relationship. If we do have sex, then it is the way she wants it when she wants it (which is once over a 3 month period)
Am I over reacting? Should I get treated for wanting her?

the lost sole

My boyfriend likes to dress in women's clothes

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 20:03:13 +0100

I have been having doubts about my boyfriend's sexual orientation.
He and I have been in a long distance relationship for 8 months now, and every time we see each other, we get on so well, are perfectly compatible, can have a laugh, and always have amazing sex. However I have recently discovered the side of him that I have not encountered myself, from the photos he has put on his blog, all of them showing him in parties dressing up in women's clothes, wearing make-up, and covered in pink. To be fair, all his friends are also dressed in pink fancy dress. But these have given me doubts for his sexual orientation, and I doubt that he may be gay and either he does not yet realise or does not want to question it. In front of me, he is masculine, protective, caring and very thoughtful.

Other reasons that give me doubts include the fact that he has many female friends in his social circle. He finds it difficult to talk about his emotions and I think a lot of it comes from the fact that he has had a very difficult childhood that he has not yet fully dealt with.

I know that the fact that I am doubting him is a problem in itself in our relationship, but I just want to know if he is gay or not.

Please Help...Boyfriend Cheated On Me With Men, Women, Transexuals etc...

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 09:37:05 +0100

I have been in a relationship with my bf for 3 years. At the beginning of our relationship I found a number of porn sites on his computer that were homosexual, older women, or transexual porn. I also found out that he had been secretly meeting up with people online for casual sex. I later found out that his sex partners included men and women. I was very young at the time and chose to stay with him and helped him get counseling. He was faithful for year and half and then almost out of nowhere he started again. He began posting ads and meeting with sex partners which this time included transexuals, crossdressers, and everything in between.I only found this out 6 months after he had began again and broke it off and moved out of the apartment.

I am feeling very confused. I am furious at him for the betrayal but I find myself more upset with who he cheated on me with rather than the cheating itself. He is adamant that he does not know why he does this and he is not emotionally attracted to men but tells me that something takes hold of him when he is chatting online and in the end it doesn't matter if its a man or a women or someone in between. I have a very hard time believing in bisexualty, I think there is always a preference, but I don't know what to believe. Why would he want to be with men, women, crossdressers, transexuals, post ops? I just don't understand. I want to understand.

I think my boyfriend is struggling with being gay which creates moodiness.

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 13:54:01 +0100

My boyfriend has admitted he is bi-sexual. We have had threesomes with other men (he prefers men) which is fine with me. I am fine with that part of our relationship but I am concerned that he is actually gay and is denying it. I have come out and asked and he has said "no". He is very emotionally abusive with me. He is very moody. One minute he wants to get a house and move in together the next he says "I don't know what I want". He used to tell me he loves me and now he won't because he doesn't want to lead me on. He seems to go through a PMS time monthly and when he does that is when he gets all weird then a few days later he is all over me loving, huggy, kissy. I feel like he is struggling with himself and goes through times when he is angry at himself for thinking in a gay way. It is like he has a good bash on himself then it is over and he says to himself "I am fine, I am not gay, I am all man and want to be with my girlfriend". His best friend says he sees gay tendencies in him. He has no ambition to move forward in life...he just says "I don't know what I want and don't pressure me". He is 31 and lives in a dive apartment and smokes pot when he is not at work. He has the opportunity to have a house etc. but just won't make the commitment. He knows he has a problem but he says he is a sex addict. He used to have a computer but he got rid of it because he knew it was ruining our relationship because he was on all kinds of dating sites and gay sites but he aways said he was looking for "us". He has been in many relationships with women but then he says he gets bored with them and wants a change so he ends it. He has been with men on his own before we met.

Why Does It Hurt So Much

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 15:08:18 +0100

It's been a little more than a month that my partner and I ended a 13 years relationship both in our late 30's. It hurts so much, i don't know what i can do if anything to save what we had. Three months ago he brought out a conversation in front of good friends about threesomes or an open relationship. We talked, gave opinion, i would be uneasy with this because i am a jealous person and not secure with myself to deal with issues. He kept bringing up the topic in short but i could see that it was really on his mind. Another session with more friends about the same, went well, more information but he was still uneasy. We talked another day and we discussed, he had this need to touch another person. I went out of town, i was uneasy because he was going out every night with his best friend, it wasn't like him something was not right. When i got back he was not the same. the next day that was it, he said he loved me but was not in love with me anymore. He brought up that he knew i had been sleeping around, with a few people, reality hit home. I was crushed and i did it in the last 7 years because we hadn't been active sexually that much, so i resorted to looking for this instant release, i did wrong, i regret it dearly.

is my boyfriend gay **

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 08:41:47 +0100

I just recently started to question my boyfriends sexuality. This thought has never really crossed my mind until a recent conversation that we had about sex. He confronted me and told me that he was curious about having a reverse sexual experience with a strap on. I was very surprised because it came out of the ordinary. In addition he was very willing to look at gay porn. I began to question if that was a normal thought/action for guys.

Then i started to think about his overall personality. He is a very sensitive, caring, emotional, and loving guy (which are all rare qualities) he claims to love me very much, but i wonder if he is just using me as a coverup for his sexual confusion. All of his friends joking call him gay and he gets upset if someone says anything like that, but he is by far the "girl" in our relationship. I know if i ask him he will deny it, but i can't help but wonder the truth.

I guess i just want to know if those are normal things for a heterosexual guy. I just don't want to get hurt if he is gay and is only using me to protect him from gay jokes. So any suggestions or comments would definately help me. Thank you!

My Boyfriend "Can't Decide" If He's Gay?

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 13:41:44 +0100

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years now, and last night we got into a fight about marriage...again. He has been giving lame excuses about why we're not engaged, and gave me a time frame of thinking about marriage in two years! To make a long story short, the fight ended with him (finally!) being honest with me and telling me that he has been dealing with being tempted with homosexuality.

He has always had the same interests as the stereo-typical gay man. I think that it bothers him that he enjoys shopping with me, and he has many more female than male friends. He feels like he can't be himself around guys because his interests are different than most guys, and guys in their early twenties are still quite judgemental. He says that he sometimes think it would be easier to just be gay and then he wouldn't have to be ashamed about his personality anymore, but on the other hand he says that the actual sexual part of being a homosexual disgusts him.

He is also dealing with a gay pornography addiction on the internet, he told me that it's a stress relief for him. He says it has taken over his life, but he feels like it's his only escape from the stress of life. He tells me he won't ever act on his temptations, but I feel like if we don't try and figure out what's going on inside of him, things will only get worse.

Is my boyfriend of 2yrs gay?

Mon, 14 May 2007 08:36:01 +0100

When i first started dating my current boyfriend and we would go out he would always get calls from his friend, which he calls "brother" because they've known each other for years. Sometimes we would be in his car hanging out and it be like 2am in the morning and the "brother" would be calling my boyfriend non stop. When my boyfriend would answer the call he would get out of the car . My boyfriend use to rent a room with the "brother's" family where my bofriend and him shared a room.About a year later I found out throgh other people that my boyfriend and the "brother" owned a house together, which my boyfriend had never mentioned to me. The "brother" is about 32 years old and has never had a girlfriend or dated girls. Later i met my boyfriends blood brothers and i found out both are gay! My boyfriend and his "brother" do everything together and my boyfriend use to give him rides to work etc. Also once in a while when my boyfriend and i go out on dates for example the movies the "brother" comes along with us, which really bothers me and my boyfriend pays for all of us! I've confronted my boyfriend about his sexuality and his relationship with the "brother", but my boyfriend swears he's not gay and that him and his "brother" are just close.

Is my boyfriend gay???

Wed, 09 May 2007 19:59:44 +0100

I have been dating a wonderful man for 2 months. He is excellent and everything I have ever wished for. He is single man with two children, which he takes wonderful care of. The only problem is that he has feminine ways. When he talks, it is very feminine. He also loves to cook and clean. He does not walk feminine or dress the part. Physically, he does not exhibit any feminine signs. He is a typical male in that he plays basketball and other sports. When he his around is boys, he talks a totally different way, there is no sweet talk. We have not had sex yet, though when I am around him, he does feel on me and I do feel him get aroused. Should I be concerned with his sexuality or he just a lil feminine? I do need to mention that he has custody of his daughter. (The mother abandoned the child and is not in the picture) Could that play a part in this? Thanks in advance!

Is my partner gay or what is he?

Tue, 01 May 2007 20:06:03 +0100

Hello, I am confused and desperate. I have been in a relationship with a man for over 2 years, he is wonderful and everything is perfect,I wish we could be eternally together.The only problem is with sexuality.I have asked him and he denies anything.At the beginning sex was great, for the first month, he was very good. Then he said he couldn't with me, but anyway he loved me.We have been "officially" on and off, although always having a perfect partner relationship (romantic, but sexless) and living together. He never wanted to let me go, although I tried. Recently I told him that I couldn't anymore, i needed security, it was all or nothing.Bc of work I had to relocate but we still see each other a lot. Anyway he said he didnt wanna lose me and would give all. Accidentally I came across some proof that there was something going on and I investigated further. Although i have tried to not think about it, just focusing on all the other great things in our relationship, I can't anymore, but i don't wanna lose him. I want to know if there is any hope. I'm afraid of confronting him.I have to think about the future. I come from a bad divorce already (infidelity and domestic violence towards me), then I thought I was so lucky to find this man who cares for me so much and we have so much in common, but what about having kids and a future together, we're both 30.

i am in love with a gay

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:50:48 +0100

hi am 21 years and i am in love with the person of the same age.the problem is that i dont think he is a normal person because his movement is for ladies and the clothes he buys also explain the same.The big issue is that everytime when we are ready for sex he will then drop it and tell me we will have it another time.we have 4 years now and we didnot have sex either but we kissed and hugged.what can i do because i love him?

I think my BF's gay...

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 21:56:54 +0000

I just feel so confused, and lost, heartbroken, just ICKY! I think the love of my life is gay. We've been together for one and a half years now, we're planning on getting married soon, settling down and having a family. It's what I've always wanted and have always felt so blessed and special to find the One, he's always made me feel like a princess, and a sexual goddess even!

But lately I've felt he's been completely hinting at same sex tendencies. I dont think he's ever been with another man, but i think he's definately curious. He's defends homosexuality, by saying all the Greeks were gay, but he also makes fun of gay guys, so I'm kinda confused. He's into fashion, I know its sterotypical, but he always judges my fashion choices etc (I consider myself sylish, but sometimes his negative feelings make me feel not 'sexy' enough or something..). Once he said he wished guys could wear make-up, and once he told me he wishes I have a penis!!!

My first reaction is 'oh my god, i'm such a fool!" But one of the worst parts is he's trying to convice me I'm gay or something, he asks me if I'm attracted to men, which confuses, angers and frustrates me. Like he wonders why I am with HIM!?? I feel betrayed. I feel I want someone who is sexually attracted to me, which I always have been, but like maybe he would be more attracted to me if I (God forbid! I love being a girl!) had a penis! I dont mean to offend anyone of course. I have nothing against homosexuals, some of my family members are gay, I've had lots of gay friends.