Partner Therapy Group - Family Problems

Introduction

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 17:01:50 +0000

So far, our forums have concentrated on problems of the relationship between couples, or an individuals sexuality. However, we are keenly aware that often these kinds of problems are the symptom of a problem in the wider family, even in the extended familiy historie. Examples of this are:

the clash of cultures between immigrant generations, and their expections of sexual and relationship behaviours,
the effects of loss of siblings, or unwanted children.
family histories of abuse

This forum is here to help people air the problems created by their family's current situation and history, please contribute.

I wanted out so badly, when i failed. I tried even harder and failed again. Do i still need help?

Mon, 21 May 2007 08:57:57 +0100

This may be long so here is a little summary before you read too much and may find it not interesting.Grandma died, she lived in the Midlands whilst me and my older brother live at home with our parents. i was 21 he is 27. My best friend i knew for 2 years left, a girl older then me. Left me and broke up with me after the most pettiest row. If finally became sense that she used me through out my our relationship, but i was blind. Then my dear brother was planning his stag do before he got married. He didn't invite me to the stag do. Top of that he clearly had discussion with at least one friend about the situation. In short, i attended the wedding even though i didn t want to, moved out after it more or less for a work placement. i left the work placement cos i was too depressed. Moved back in. Try to bleach myself(i know there was many ways to do it, but i heard this was the most painful way, which i thought i deserved to, after killing myself in the family home). I failed, confessed to my doctor. Asked if i wanted pills, i said no, thats about that. I was still in depression even though i no idea and did it again 7 days later. Thankfully i somehow survived without any1 suspecting what i did.

all alone

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 08:46:38 +0000

Hello again to everyone,
I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with things in life right now when it comes to my family, and yes I know that that sounds terrible!! I'm a stay at home mom with my daughter and step son who are very close in age and both under the age of three which is a handful enough on its own. But in being a stay at home mom I am the one who does everything and takes care of whatever needs done around the house. I don't mind cleaning up, cooking, doing laundry, bathing kids, and chasing them all over the house all day when its just us at home.

But when my husband gets home and his 13 year old son they throw their stuff all over the place and sit and play PS3 or watch TV!! My husband does help a little but he works all day lifting heavy parcels and is gone from 6:00 am til about 6:00 pm so when he gets home he eats and relaxes for a bit and I can understand why! But his 13 year old son comes home and does nothing!! He walks past a mess and just looks at it or kicks it out of the way!! He does dishes and it has been his chore for the past 6 months and I still have to redo them the next day when I go into the coupord to get a plate or pot or pan to cook something because there is food all over it still!

cheating husband

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 19:40:35 +0100

I found out my husband cheated on me right before he got deployed. We didn't even have time to get to the bottom of things or find out where in the world did he have time to do this. I have forgiven him but I can't forget the infidelity happened. I love my husband very much, next month we would be married for 1 yr. Of course problems arise in the 1st year. I heard the 1st year is the hardest and it has been extremely hard for us. I got what I wanted and that was for him to leave her alone and he did, he's deployed! What should I do!

Leaving a violent relationship and subsequent family problems

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 19:59:28 +0100

Some years ago I left a violent relationship and divorced my husband - this was granted via the courts on the grounds of proven violence. I retained custody of my son, and my daughter (who was verging on the uncontrollable) went to live with her father. I left my husband for my current partner as I had reached an age where I knew that I just couldnt cope with another 20 years of him coming home from the pub and falling down drunk, running up gambling debts and generally refusing to discipline the children or set any kind of example. He never played with the children nor got involved in any way in their education. It got to such a stage that I dreaded family holidays as I would go up with the children and he would return to his room drunk - resulting in violence and generally doing stuff which he later said he could not remember.

My mother and father were not supportive of my actions, neither was my sister - though all 3 were well aware of what was happening. I tried in vain in particular to convince my mother of what I had gone through but she refused to take any of it on board and insisted in continuing communication with my ex husband (who naturally denied everything).

sabai

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 22:28:15 +0100

Hello ,Our family problem is my brother,
he borrowed a serious large amount of money in the thousands from our mum ,who had to cash in an ISA
as she is retired, he is a local councillor.

Its been over 3 years now. So we wrote to him at his office as his partner intercepts his mail and wants nothing to do with us,but everything to do with taking my mums money.

He's replied only in an email trying to cause an argument. Because we dared to write to him asking for it back he is very angry so basically he doesn't have to pay anything back at all and cut off communication.
although my mum has been ill with cancer ,he doesn't even telephone her to see how she is. I feel my brother is really letting his family down.

I dont have the same moral standards as him thankfully although I'm way from perfect. We only have an email from him admitting he borrowed the money. My mum never made up a contract because she trusted him as he is family!

Any advice would be grateful maybe my mum has learnt an expensive lesson .

My Brother is Off the rails. I need advice

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 20:56:06 +0100

My younger brother of 19years has put our family through hell and back. And ive had enough. I am 25 years old. I live with my mum who has just finally gotten rid of my good for nothing dad. I have been her financial, emotional and spiritual rock, for many years. I dont begrudge her, she is my mother and I wouldnt have it any other way. I have had to be my younger brothers father and brother for many years as well.

My younger brother is very very volatile. He has a terribly violent temper where he goes into a blind rage and literally loses all control and reason. This affects his relationships with everyone he comes in contact with, notably his family and his girlfriend.

He is very disrespectful to me and my mum when he gets like this. I have made it clear I dont care how he speaks or treats me, but if he disrespects my mum, I will get involved because I wont stand for that.

He lies about everything. Where is he going, how he paid for this, where he got that from. He will blatantly steal your things then lie about it even when you have proof.

He started stealing from around 10years old. He was never satisfied with what he has had and always wanted more. One day he the collection money from our church. My mum was so ashamed she almost didn't go back.

Brother is ruining the family.

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 20:54:51 +0100

He lies about everything. Where is he going, how he paid for this, where he got that from. He will blatantly steal your things then lie about it even when you have proof.

Adult Daughter Rejection

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 10:04:28 +0000

My daughter is 29. Although her mother left me when she was very young, I’d say she had an excellent childhood, staying with me every weekend and then living with me as a young adult. Six years ago I funded her on a “gap year” to Australia. One year became four years when she did a University course there (funded by me and my parents). She did very well on the course and asked me to go to her graduation. When I got there she treated me pretty badly - stood me up on my first night and messed me around on other occasions. I got angry (just angry, not violent) and we had a row. Although we saw each other again before I left, it was not properly resolved.

Now my daughter wants nothing more to do with me. Nearly three years have gone by, she’s been back home for 18 months, and I gather she’s living in the same town, although I’m not allowed to know her address. Obviously we need to talk, but all my efforts at communication (which I know do reach her) are ignored. My parents have had a very occasional brief card from her but that is the extent of our knowledge.

I’ve tried contacting her mother to see if she can help and she is pretty hostile too. Another puzzle - we got on pretty well throughout my daughter’s childhood, but now I seem to be reviled there as well.

My Sister's Messed Up Family!

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 10:13:43 +0100

Well, I was livin with my sister's grandfather's house this year. He was always drinking and hitting on my mother and I. As was his son. I told them I wouldn't touch either of them with a six-ft. pole even if they payed me. Him and his son were always making fun of me telling me I was going to turn into a slut or the "town hor". I never felt bad because i always knew it wasnt' true. A month later i started going out with this one guy. And i really, really like him. but my sister's grandpa said that in two weeks i was going to be married and would start my training as a hor. his son said that i was a slut and that i would follow my mothers footsteps although she was never a slut. two weeks later with no marriage bells and i stil with my boyfriend the inevitable happens. my sister's grandpa threatens my mom that hell skin our animals alive than roast them over the fire. my mother spit at him and in return he nocked her to the ground. she had told him that his son had called me a slut and so he told my mother that i was a lier. i had no notice of this until my mother came over to my cousins house with my sisters uncle behind her holding one of my suitcases. he was talking to amber(his dope-ho) that he would have slapped my mother harder. i would have blacked out if my boyfriend hadn't stayed on the phone for over an hour calming me down. i ask this why do people who are so miserable make mine or anyone else's lives miserable. i ask this with only a suitcase to my name.

Aedvice required

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 22:43:54 +0100

I have recently split from my pregnant girlfriend. She lives 100 miles away from me, and to say the least it has been difficult. We are currently arguing over access to the child and maintenance etc. I have insisted on having a paternity test, as I am still not 100% sure that there wasn't someone else involved.

My ex has said that her soilictor has told her that I wouldn't be allowed to have the child come and stay with me until it is at least 2 years old - is there any truth in this - we had originally agreed that the child could stay with me after 6-12 months, but she is now blackmailing me and saying that if I insist on the pat test that I will have to take her to court to gain access. Are there any hard and fast rules concerning this?

Help and advice required!!

Wed, 04 May 2005 18:41:37 +0100

Hi,

I recently split from my girlfriend following a long distance relationship which she decided to break off (I'm pretty sure she was seeing someone else, probably all the time we were together, but can't prove it). I had even handed in my notice and intended to start a new job when she told me it was over - had to crawl for my job back, which was extremely difficult when all I wanted to do was stay off work ill because of the stress she had caused me!!

She firstly said I could see the child, but that she wouldn't put my name on the birth certificate, or sign a paternal responsibilty form.

She has now said she will expect me to pay maintenance for the child (not a problem to me providing 1) the child is mine, and 2) I am allowed to see the child (not unreasonable is it?)

When I mentioned paternity testing, she flipped, and called me every name under the sun etc. She has, in discussions since, mentioned she may not let me see the child, then said I can, then I can't etc.

Can anyone give me any advice as to what course I should take - do I wait for her to go to the CSA and then enforce a paternity test? Also, if I get evidence I am the childs biological father from the pat test, would this entitle me to access to my child, and where would I start to achieve this?

lump in vagina.

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 09:59:36 +0100

hi ive been worrying about a lump in my vagina for 8 years.found it when i was 17. it was a lump deep in my vagina about a large grape size and was slightly to the left hand side. hurt at times during sex.finally went to doctor recently and found it was my cervix.felt so stupid but relieved it was nothing to worry about.my point is dont leave things like i did.it could turn out to be nothing or if it is something needed some medical treatment well sooner rather than later is always best. dont leave things i could have stopped worrying about this a long time ago.

Alone with a newborn

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 21:43:02 +0000

I have been seeing a guy since November 16, 2003 and everything was going great until on April 24th 2004 I was raped by another guy while at a party. Then on April 30th I was with my partner sexually and later that night I went to a friends house and was partying and another guy claims to have had sex with me while i was asleep even though my clothes were on me once I woke up. Come to find out the guy that raped me was best friends with the other guy that claims to have had sex with me. Well I found out on May 29th 2004 that I was pregnant.
Well times moved on and I had the baby on January 22nd well my b/f at the times parents had a dna test rushed in and done. well the papers i received looked false and I truly do believe my son belongs to him. well on the 26th of this month his parents brought all the baby's things back down here to me that was up there and my so call b/f sent me my class ring and broke up with me then. Before all of this happened he told me that regardless he would be there with me to help raise and take care of my son. I feel like everything is going wrong now and its mainly because of his parents because they didn't like me to begin with.
What should i do because i am not feeling anything right now I haven't ate for almost 3 days I cant sleep I am severely depressed and having thoughts of suicide.

Daughter turns up after many years

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 20:16:17 +0000

hi, am writing this and i dont really know why. my partner of 6yrs has just found out that he is the father of a 20something daughter. they have met, i wasnt included in this meeting and i think that he is now about to play happy families. i have 2 children of my own which he has never really shown any great emotion to..he just gets on with them for the sake of it. he also has a daughter a few yrs younger who is unaware of his situation, but he is going to tell her. when they met i asked him lots of Q's about the meeting which he either didnt ask or is reluctant to tell me...which has led me to tell him that i dont want any involvement with any aspect of it am i being unfair on him and his new daughter, am i selfish?..i kinda feel that i am, but i cant help the way i feel.
very sad and depressed....S :o(