xxxx

To be added.

The Association of British Introduction Agencies
Tel: 020 7937 2800
Can provide a list of local commercial agencies nationwide.

Dates for the Disabled
36 Park Grove Edgware Middlesex HA8 7SJ
Tel: 020 8958 9657

Disability Now
6 Market Road London N7 9PW
Tel: 020 7619 7323
A monthly newspaper with a "Find a Friend" column.

Handidate
Wellington Centre
The Association of British Introduction Agencies
Tel: 020 7937 2800
Can provide a list of local commercial agencies nationwide.

Mutual Essential Links
1 Weir Street Northwich Cheshire CW9 5HL
Tel: 01606 49093

The Outsiders' Club
Box 4ZB London W1A 4ZB
Provides list of members, literature and social outlets for mature men and women who are looking for friendship and mutual help.

 Full information about the mechanical choices open to you can be read on the web site of the manufacturer at Owen Mumford.

Once you have seen the information, you may want to speak to a therapist to help you decide on what is right for you.
Or you may have made your decision, and want to contact a therapist to help you decide how to make it part of your lovemaking. All of us are able and willing to discuss these choices with you.

• KY Jelly- Available in a range of sizes, this is the best known and most often used lubricant. However it can feel cold, and become sticky. It is available on most chemist shops at about £2 53 per 82g Tube. Try it, and if you don't like it, try something else.
• Aquagel- Very like KY, but some people say it is less cold. £1.27 per 82g Tube. Available from FPA SexWare Catalogue
• Sylk- Is more liquid, and like the natural vaginal fluid. It is not n oil, but a polymer. It costs about £9.95 per 40ml, from FPA SexWare Catalogue
• Senselle- Very like Sylk, and available from Boots and other chemist shops at about £2.25 per10ml, £5.75 per 40ml. High street chemists and FPA SexWare Catalogue have it.
• Replens- Is a pessary containing hormones and is meant for menopausal women who may have dryness of the vagina because of the lessening of oestrogen that happens in the menopause. Insert one every three days or so. £3.85 per pack of 3, £6.95 per pack of 6. Available from FPA SexWare Catalogue, and most chemists.
• Vaseline- Is a tried and trusted method, if rather old fashioned. There are nicer products. Never use it with condoms or diaphragms as it may damage the latex.
• Other oils- Vegetable oils are OK in some cases, but be careful that what you use will not cause an allergy, or damage condoms or diaphragms.

The trainers are graded in size, from the size of a rather fat finger to the largest one being equal to a large penis. If a vagina can take the largest trainer, it can manage a penis! Sometimes the smallest is not small enough, so you could start with a cotton bud, or something similar.

You will need plenty of Genital Lubricants, like KY jelly or oil to help your trainer to slip into the vagina. Start with the smallest size that gives pressure on the walls of the vagina. If it does not give pressure then it is not helping. You should feel strong pressure, but not pain.

Squeezing and relaxing the muscles that control your pee will ease the pressure. It will also help the spasm. It is those muscles which cause the pain of vaginismus. The squeezing and relaxing is called Kegel's Exercises

Once the pressure is gone, move on to the next size. If you can manage the largest trainer, you can manage a penis. (Even a large one)

You can order trainers from this site by clicking here

The purpose of trainers is to teach the vagina to allow something in without going into spasm. It is important to start with something small and easy, and then go on to something bigger.

Stanley Trainers are white plastic rods, the length of an erect penis, and with a round knob on the end you hold. They come in widths of 20mm, 25mm, and 30mm. you can get them from http://www.bbraun.com or by post from B.Braun Medical Ltd. Thorncliffe Park, Sheffield S35 2PW Phone 0114 225 9000

Sims Glass Dilators are hollow glass tubes, shorter than either of the other trainers. They come in 6 sizes, 25, 29, 30, 32, 33, 35mm, and increasing lengths at £52 for the set, or individually priced . You can get them from B. Braun, as above.

Stents are another form of dilator or trainer, designed especially to help the vagina after surgery or trauma has caused it to tighten up with scar tissue. See http://www.stentsitive.com for further details. The web site is full of more information than we can accommodate here, and we recommend it to you.

These exercises are for three main uses.

   1. They help to improve the muscles in the pelvis after childbirth
   2. They help to increase pleasure with intercourse
   3. They help a woman with vaginismus to control the muscle spasms which cause her pain. 
   4. They can help women with vulval pain. See http://www.vulvalpainsociety.org/html/pelvicfloor.htm for more help with this.

The muscles you need to exercise are the ones at the opening to the vagina. If you sit on the loo, start to pee, and then try to stop, it is that movement which is called Kegel's Exercises. You simply squeeze that band of muscles.
You can check if you are doing it right. With a finger inside your vagina, squeeze hard, and your finger will feel the movement.
To get better muscle tone after a baby, do ten squeezes every hour you are awake. nobody can see you doing them!
To increase pleasure with intercourse, practice the movement so you know you've got it right, then do it ten times an hour, and during masturbation and lovemaking. You will soon feel the difference, and, with luck, so will your partner.
To help with the vaginal trainers, practice the movement before using the trainers, then squeeze and release when you push a trainer into the vagina. It will make the pressure feel less, and help the trainer in.

Overcoming Premature Ejaculation takes time and effort, but should be almost entirely successful, as there is usually nothing wrong with the penis. It is caused by anxiety and lack of attention to what the penis needs. Often there are other worries too, about pleasing the partner, being discovered and feeling embarrassed, or ashamed. You may like to see a therapist to help with these aspects.

1. Set aside three 20 minute slots each week, when you can be private and uninterrupted.
2. First masturbate very slowly, noticing carefully what sensations you get in your penis at the increasing levels of arousal before you are ready to come.
3. At the point just before you would come, stop touching and wait for the intense arousal to go down. You may lose the erection, but you will get it back. If you were too late stopping, and came, try again later, and stop a little earlier in the arousal.
4. Repeat three times, then allow yourself to come.
5. Do this three times a week, and after three weeks you should notice some improvement. Carry on, and you will overcome your problem.

Squeeze Technique
To make this technique work, you need to be prepared to set aside private and uninterrupted time three times a week. Don't be tempted to give up if after a few tries nothing seems to be changing. It can take a while to get the hang of it. Often it can take 30 attempts to learn the moment to squeeze, so giving up after 29 would be a mistake!

1. The place to squeeze is just below the glans, the rounded part at the top of the penis. If you have a foreskin, pull it back so the glans is uncovered.
2. Stroke and caress your whole genital area. This consists of the glans, the shaft of the penis, the testicles or balls, the area behind the balls which is called the perineum, and the anal rim. 5 parts altogether.
3. Practice touching and pleasuring all these parts so you are very aware of how each part feels in the stages of arousal before you are going to come.
4. Now increase your pleasure to a high state of arousal, and when you reach the point when you think you will come, squeeze the penis hard and hold ot for 20 to 30 seconds. The erection may go down, but you can get it back. If you were too late with your squeeze, try again later and squeeze a little earlier in your arousal.