Sex is never talked about, disabled people are not seen as sexual beings.
This is why it is so important for people with disabilites to make sure the general public recognises that sex is for anybody who wants it (within reasonable social limits!)

Social skills are important, everyone just assumes you've got them.
This goes for everybody, but those who move about easily in society are much more likely to develop them. Social skills can be learned on courses and within groups. You could put out a call on the internet for someone to facilitate a group? Or be taught one to one, but that would be costly.

Expectations of others and yourself can put you under unbearable pressure.
This is a problem for almost everybody. It probably means you have to explain what it is reasonable for others to expect of you, and not to try to be what you are not meant to be. Setting realistic standards, rather than very high ones, can make the difference between feeling good, and feeling like a failure.

This section of the site deals with the events in life which many of us face at some time. The ways in which we deal with those events can cause us to doubt ourselves, and sometimes we need help to come through. We hope to show the range of ways in which people are affected, and help you to decide if you need to see a therapist.

We realise there are many topics not yet covered here, bear with us while we continue development, but do contact us if you wish. We may be able to offer some guidance.

Georgia and Frank, partners for 12 years, both in their early 40's, came for help because they had not been having sex for 6 months, due to Georgia's loss of interest, which she could not explain. Neither was having an affair, there were no particular stresses outside of the ordinary, on either of them, but Georgia had simply gone off sex. The therapist asked, among other questions about the relationship and health, if anything significant had happened 6 months to 2 years ago, to which Georgia replied that her father had died 9 months before.

It emerged that Frank and Georgia were on holiday in Canada when they received a call to return home as soon as possible, as Georgia's Father was very ill in hospital. This was a huge shock to both, as there had been no indication of illness when they had left for the trip. By the time they arrived at the hospital, sadly, Georgia's Father had died. She was in a state of shock for some days, and desperately distressed that she had not said 'Goodbye' to him. She then got on with the practicals of helping her Mother to arrange the funeral, and sorting out papers and his clothing etc. All of these were done rather quickly, and Georgia did not give herself time to really grieve.

When disability or chronic illness come into the life of a couple, the dynamic of the relationship can change markedly. After the initial shock of the illness or accident, many new feelings and behaviours may emerge. Frustration and anger at loss of mobility or flexibility, depression at loss of sensation, grief that movements or behaviours that were so natural in the past are no longer possible, or cause discomfort and pain, can seriously affect even the strongest relationship. The secure ground has shifted, what was easy and familiar to both, is no longer there. This affects both parties, and the partner of the disabled person may be sorely tested, particularly if fulfilment of sexual needs is no longer possible, in ways that were enjoyed by both. There may be a shift in the balance of power, and the one who was formerly stronger, is now dependant, perhaps even helpless.

It can be very useful and encouraging to explore these changes with someone neutral and experienced. Perhaps new ways of enjoying sex or sensual experience can be discovered, without going outside the relationship.