For women sex is often about finding a partner and a relationship. Feeling close and warm is more important for women than it is for men. The stages of the sexual response cycle are arousal, orgasm and resolution .

Arousal

This starts with excitement, and then then reaches a plateau. In the excitement phase an increase in the blood flow to the sexual parts causes the sexual lips and the vagina to enlarge. The vagina becomes wet inside. The speed and strength of arousal vary greatly.

The plateau is a steady state of high arousal, just before orgasm. It needs a little more exciting touch to tip over into knowing you are going to come. Sometimes rubbing near the clitoris helps this.

Orgasm

This is an intense pleasurable sensation in the area of the sexual parts, with rhythmic spasms of the wall of the vagina and the other sexual organs. The skin may flush as well. Some women are able to have a number of orgasms one after another. Every woman is different when it comes to orgasm. Some have very strong orgasms, and others do not have any orgasm at all. Both are normal.

Resolution

This is when everything goes back to its usual state before you became aroused. The longer a woman has been aroused, the longer it takes to go back. If the woman does not have an orgasm then it takes even longer.

Sex is a natural part of being a woman. As with most natural things in the body, like eating and sleeping, sex can be upset by a number of different causes.

Firstly, there may be medical illnesses, like diabetes, high blood pressure, and depression, where a sexual problem can be the first sign that there is anything wrong. Some medical treatments can cause sexual problems, and you will want to know how long the effect will last. There may be hormones out of balance after childbirth. It is often wise to see your doctor if you have a sexual problem.
Other common causes are:

1. not knowing how to respond or what to expect
2. not having enough time to relax
3. difficulties in the relationship with your partner
4. a partner who is unwilling or does not like sex
5. too much stress and pressure in life
6. hormone changes with the menstual cycle, pregnancy and childbirth.
7. the menopause.

Most sexual problems have more than one cause, and most can be helped to get better.

Almost everyone, at one time in their lives, will have been attracted to a person of the same gender, but not necessarily felt sexual attraction. We all have idols, heroes or heroines during our growing years, and for many, that is where it ends. But for about 10-15% of the adult population, the feelings of attraction to a person of the same gender persist.

Trying to identify your true sexual orientation may be difficult for some, who might be distressed at the feelings of sexual attraction, and experience behavioural changes, like withdrawal, unwillingness to go out socially, mood swings, eating difficulties, and problems with concentration.

The question 'Am I gay' can be a cause of great pain and turmoil to many women and men alike. In particular, those who have had a strict religious upbringing can suffer very much if they find themselves attracted to a person of the same gender. Many people suppress their true feelings and form heterosexual relationships, leading to marriage or longterm partnerships in an attempt to be 'normal' or acceptable to family, friends and society. Others suppress their feelings with alcohol, drugs, or even overwork. Sadly, a number of gifted, talented people have committed suicide, rather than face the disapproval or judgment of family members. People do not choose to be gay, they either are or are not, although to date there is no proof that it is either 'in the genes' or determined by experiences in early life.

This means a couple are unable to have sexual intercourse because of fear or inability to have penetrative sex. Sometimes they are completely mystified as to why this is happening to them.

Non-consummation is frequently thought of as a women’s issue but this is not always so. It can be a shaming and difficult for couples to talk about. It can become a heavy secret, which can weigh upon a couple for many years.

Non-consummation has many causes. These may include fear of sex, inappropriate advice or information from friends and family, Vaginismus, (painful spasm at the entrance of the vagina, which makes penetration impossible), Erection Problems or Impotence , fear of pregnancy, childhood Sexual Abuse, incest and/or rape in both men and women; feelings of contamination, and many others.

With non-consummation the body and mind may both be saying ‘no’, or there may be a conflict between these two parts of ourselves. These are issues which can be explored and understood through the process of Sex Therapy.

Men and women survivors of sexual, physical and emotional abuse often have sexual and relationship difficulties. These may include fear of intimacy, Vaginismus, (painful spasm at the entrance to the vagina), Erection Problems or Impotence, Loss of Sexual Desire or Libido, phobias and body image issues to name but a few.

The impact on sexual relationships may be great. Abuse, either as a child or young adult can cause feelings of shame and confusion. Not all abuse is frightening or painful and this makes confusion worse.

In therapy, we work with the emotional, physical and intellectual effects of being abused and how this may affect adult relationships and make being an adult in the world more difficult. Self-image and self-perception may form some part of the work, and can be interwoven within the Sex Therapy sessions.

In men, hormone levels usually go down very gradually from a peak in late teens onwards. In some men, a quicker drop in their late fifties leads to symptoms like the menopause in women. These can be hot flushes, aches and pains in joints, loss of energy, including libido, and a sense of slowing up mentally.

The Sexual Response in Men is affected. Erections come less easily and less often. They are less hard, and once they have gone down are more difficult to get back. Orgasms are less intense and rhythmic spasms of the muscles are over quicker. The amount of semen is less and the refractory period after orgasm is longer. While the need to ejaculate is less intense, sexual satisfaction amongst older men is often said to be good. The ability to continue being sexual certainly remains an important part of the older man’s self-image..

The frequency of sexual activity goes down with age but is very varied. Men who start having sex early in life are more likely to go on till late in life. The amount of sexual activity depends on having or getting a partner. The longer a couple have been together the less sex they have.

We are specialists in Sexual and Relationship problems, and all of us are registered with the UK Council for Psychotherapy. Some of us are medical practitioners, registered with the General Medical Council.

We adhere to the Codes of Ethics and Principles of Good Practice and Complaints Procedure of the British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy.

We work with both straight and gay couples and individuals from any ethnic group. Some of us speak more than one language.

Our professional backgrounds are varied and can be identified from our details, which you can find in our Finding a Therapist section.

Our purpose is to give a high quality service to clients who request therapy fom us. We are able to offer face to face, telephone, and on line therapy, or a mixture of these.

We are a non-profit making organisation, and our Constitution is here.

The first stage in treatment for sexual addiction is to recognise that this is a serious problem in your life, and time and effort is going to be needed to overcome it. Most people need help from friends, family, groups of similarly affected people, such as Sex Addicts Anonymous, and a therapist trained to help with sexual addiction. Where a person is in a relationship, often the partner needs help, (possibly from a group like Al-Anon), and their own therapist, and couple counselling may also be necessary.

Very often, sexual addiction is connected to depression, which may be deeply hidden. The sexual acting out covers the feelings of hopelessness and despair for a short while, then they return. It is very common for people starting on the road to recovery to have some antidepressant medication for a while.

Having recognised the problem, the next step is to decide how to start to overcome it. Who are you going to tell? Whose lives will be affected by your decision to give up your habit? Who can you ask for help when you feel weak and need some personal backing? Where can you find support groups, both for you and for your partner? Where can you find a therapist? What is it all going to cost, and what can you afford? If your addiction has been costing you money, and reducing your earning power, take that into account as you work out the financial side.

1. Keeping to the ban on intercourse, decide how to approach penetration in a graded way. The first step is simply to allow entry for about on inch, with no movement.
2. Once you can manage one inch, press on and try a little gentle thrusting movement.
3. This is full penetrative sex, starting very gently and working on to how you want it to be.

If at any time things feel a bit too difficult, you can always go back to an earlier stage and catch up again later.

By now you will have discovered that Sex Therapy has a number of surprising effects, teaching you things you didn't know you needed to know! You will also have realised that it is a really lovely way to communicate with your partner, and is a great pleasure to do any time you want to, simply because you want to.

1. Keep to the ban on intercourse, but gradually include lightly touching the sexual area as part of the whole body, not something to pay special attention to. This will mean that there are no ‘no go’ areas.
2. While you continue as before, you can touch the sexual area to give pleasure, but not to aim for orgasm.
3. Some people like to include a phase of masturbation to orgasm, either together or on each other. Some people don’t want to do that. You can choose.

When you feel ready, go on to Stage Three