Partner Therapy Group - Sex Problems for Women, Relationship Problems, General

Bogus Products and Vaginal Looseness

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 11:02:27 +0000

We have suddenly noticed a number of posting for dubious products, especially those which claim to 'cure' a 'loose vagina' or 'vaginal loosneness'.
As service to the public, we'd like to ask you to contribute comments (on to the end of this post) on any products like this that you come across. Please do not include URL's in your listings, they will be removed. We'd like to generate a 'rogue's gallery' of bogus products for reference.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

Partner Therapy Group

Feeling uncomfortable with my body, My boyfriend won't come near me!

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 15:45:14 +0000

Hi,

I'm 29 my boyfriend is 37 we have been together 9 years & have three children together. Our sex life has gone from amazing to nothing, last time we had sex was 3 months ago and it was pretty awful!! He wants me experiment more I just feel fat, since having children I havn't been the same... I don't feel very nice at all!!! I really want sex with him but I feel i need to be drunk to enjoy it..!! over months I think he's now got bored, so he doesn;t come near me, no affection at all, no cuddles, kisses nothing!!! It doesn't even seem like we can have a conversation anymore. He says he's living with a stranger! I have caught him looking at porn.. and this has upset me, so he has said he won't look at it anymore. Then 2 nights ago he was acting strange on the pc and I looked the next morning what he had been looking at, and it was women.. beautiful women in suspenders dancing about, showing everything! Now in 9 years I have never worn suspenders, I didn't know that was what he was into? surely he should have said? I have tried other sexy underwear but he never comments on it?
He told me yesterday he thinks I've put on weight, he wants me to feel confident.. and when we have sex he doesn;t want me to just lie there!! however he doesn;t want to force me to do anything I don;t want.

Need to know (How to talk to her)

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 09:29:32 +0000

I am a 32 year old male and my 25 year old girlfriend has just now revealed to me that she hasn't totally been comfortable with me giving her oral sex. There are days when she is more comfortable, but then there are days when she isn't comfortable. On those days she's less comfortable, she stops me and we continue with intercourse, with which she is fully comfortable.

She answers "no" when I ask her if she feels that she feels too unclean to allow me to continue or when I ask her if she feels guilty for letting me. Her reasoning is that she feels her vagina is her most vulnerable spot and that she becomes overwhelmed with emotion and can not take the oral stimulation. I ask if the emotions are sad or negative emotions, but she says "no" to this as well. She has never orgasmed through cunnilingus and this explains why.

I was her first lover. Before me, she had not had any sexual contact. Her first sexual contact with me was completely consentual. She is very uncomfortable talking about sex even now that she has been with me for over a year. She says this is because she never had anyone to talk to about it, that the friends in her life were very religious and regarded sex before marriage as a sin. She is not a religious person though.

Sex Drives Hit a Brick Wall....on Both Sides.

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 12:47:14 +0000

My fiance and I have been together for three years, engaged for over one. For the past 11 months we've been in a long-distance relationship when I had to take a job 1500 miles away - so we only see one another every month or two.

For about a year before I moved my sexual desire came to a dead stop. I'm still very much attracted to my fiance, but beyond kissing and cuddling I'm not interested. Now, until shortly after we got involved my fiance was one of those rare guys who never masturbated. At first his newfound 'hobby' didn't bother me too much.

Now that we live so far apart when we do see each other there are those 'expectations' that we'll have sex. Yet I am never in the mood, and I hate the fact that I'm only doing it because he wants to. I want to make him happy, but I want to be enjoying myself too! It's so frustrating. And now, this last time that I saw him, I realized that his masturbation has become an obsession to the point that when he and I went to have sex it just plain didn't work.

So now I feel like by giving the cold shoulder on sex I've driven him into chronic masturbation and erased any semblance of a sex drive he might have for me. The last thing I want is to spend our wedding night consecrating a marriage when I don't want the sex and he would rather finish with his hand.

Trust issues within our relationship

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 17:19:30 +0000

My girlfriend and I are have big problems in our relationship due to lack of or no trust at all. My girlfriend is feeling very insecure and emotionally unsafe with me, to the point of losing all trust in me because of things that I've said and done.
I told her about things that I had done in my past...for example...

When I was younger, I had kissed my friend's girlfriend, nothing eventuated from that kiss, it was just one of those things, but this left my girlfriend with doubts of whether this could or would happen again or if I'm capable of being faithful within our relationship.
I told her how I used to be the only male that lived in a flat with all these other women. Nothing happened between any of the girls and I, but my girlfriend has doubts because I was capable of kissing someone else's girlfriend.
I told her about sleeping with two sisters, on separate occassions unbeknown to me at the time, and because my girlfriend has sisters, she is now doubtful in this area also.
I told her how I had had a sexual relationship only, that had no emotional bond or ties. This went on for a time with another woman and this has left my girlfriend doubting my ability to commit emotionally to her and our relationship.

no oral sex from boyfriend

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:40:13 +0000

My boyfriend of one year was a virgin when I met him. It was no shock because we are both young. For this reason I understand being timid in the bedroom -- new experiences, high expectations, etc. However, after a year he has not once performed oral sex for me, whereas I have done so many times for him. I have made it clear to him that I understand why he hasn't, but also that it bothers me that he hasn't even tried. The fact that he is avoiding my intimate parts makes me feel like they are something to avoid -- I have the impression that he is a little afraid.
Is there any man or woman who could explain to me why he isn't performing oral sex? (besides things involving never having done it before) And/or how I could reassure him that there is nothing to be afraid of?
On the other hand, I don't want to pressure him into doing it, because for me, it has to come from his own desire.

thanks

Medications, Sexual Side-effects, and an inability to orgasm

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 11:06:51 +0000

I am a 19 year old female and I have been sexually active for four years. I have had sexual encounters both in and out of a relationship. I am comfortable masturbating and have been doing so for years, yet i have NEVER orgasmed. Up until recently this never bothered me; I always assumed with more practice it would happen. Recently I have become bothered with my inability to orgasm. I have been told psychological issues may be the source of my problem. I don't think this is the case though. I have always felt very comfortable sexually. I have never felt pressured or regretted any of my sexual encounters. I don't feel guilty or awkward about my sexuality and I am very comfortable with my appearance. I have always been with partners that are kind and understanding. In fact, most people I have been with try really hard to please me, putting my pleasure ahead of there own. I have never had trouble pleasing anyone but myself.

Some people wonder why I even have sex if I cant orgasm. I enjoy sex, really i do. I have plenty of sex. Its fun and it feels good, but something is missing.

I was thought to have suffered from depression and ocd and have been on antidepressents since elementary school. Recently my doctor has figured out I may have been misdiagnosed and changed my diagnosis to ADD (this has been difficult and weird for me) and i have started taking Strattera. I am aware that many of these medicines cause sexual side-effects. Could my inability to orgasm be one of these sexual side-effects? If so, is there a solution? I must note that there was a three month period that I was not medicated and I still could not achieve orgasm. Recently when I try to masturbate it doesn't even feel that good, it feels pretty neutral. I am going to buy a vibrator as soon as i get the chance. I wish I could see a sex therapist but I don't think that's an option for me right now. My parents would not be thrilled.

Confused and frustrated, (wedding plans on hold)

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 11:08:18 +0000

I have been in a relationship with my fiancee for almost 3 years, and engaged almost 1 year. I have noticed recently that she has not been in the mood for sex, and when she did give it to me, she was just doing it because I wanted it, not because she wanted to do it. I confronted her and she told me the reason was that she was no longer sexually attracted to me. What a blow! I have since called off the wedding plans until we get this situation straight. I do extra things to try to spice things up in the bedroom, but since she told me how she feels, It has really turned me off. I no longer want to even attempt to engage in any sexual activities or forms of intimacy.. The problem is I have an extremely high sex drive, and masterbation is starting to get old.. I dont know what to do....

Loose Vagina

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 22:00:24 +0000

I am 44 years old and have 3 children. I have been single for 2 years after a 20 year marriage. My boyfriend is not very satisfied with our sex life, only because he says that I have a large vagina. During sex, I become very lubricated when aroused, so I guess that doesn't help him to feel the sensation of a tight vagina. The problem is that he accuses me of cheating constantly and implies that I must have had many sex partners in the past or have been with men who were very large. Neither one of these things are true. I have only had 3 sexual partners including him in my life. I feel so hurt and so rejected now. He recently broke off the relationship for this reason. He told me that I am the most exciting sexual partner that he has ever had but he just can't get past the size of my vagina. He refuses to accept the fact that I had 3 vaginal deliveries in my life and maybe that has a little to do with me not being the size of an 18 year old virgin. I have tried Kegels and they don't work. I don't know what to do.

will my foot fetish ruin my life?

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 09:34:54 +0000

I am a 42 yr old male, single father of 2 young girls, 11 and 13. Since like the 9th grade, I have had an obvious attraction to the female foot. I have pretty much kept my attraction, or fetish, to myself, as many would find this a bit strange.

I was married for over 12 years to the mother of my children. She was very much on the straight and narrow and would of considered a foot fetish something very, very screwed up.

4 years ago, I left my marriage and became a single father for my 2 girls and they are my life. For the past 3 1/2 years, I have had a girl friend who is VERY much open sexually and although she found my fetish very different, she had no issues sharing it. She is a very sexy lady too. We had one of these " love/ hate" relationships and split a few times over many issues. During one of what I called our " mini splits", I went on a foot fetish forum site. A site where guys send stories, pictures and links to anything to do with the female foot ( legal disclaimers of over 18 too) My girlfriend actually new about that site years before, just hated me on it and said there was no need for it, as obviously I get all I need at home, right?

One of the submissions from that site talked about another forum site to look at, called " studentfeet.com". Since I didn't want to type it in my address bar, I googled it. It had pictures, postings and pretty much everything the other site had. My problem here is that one day recently my gf looked at my google searches and seen the website.

gay porn (can't stop watching it)

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 08:13:18 +0000

Hello I have been watching gay porn for a while now and I dont know what to do. I can't stop watching it just like i can't stop watching porn period. But I'am beginning to think something is worng with me I look at men having oral sex with other men. I don't like to watch it but It's like I have to. I don't like guys or anything but I can't help but wounder it this is the beginning of me being gay? I'm not turned on by it i just look at it but I have to look at it. Is this all apart of being addicted to porn or is this something more. I have a wife and new baby and I'm confused. Does any one have any suggestions on this is issue?

is it me or is it him?

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 08:26:53 +0000

my fiance and i have been together for 4 years, engaged for one. we have always had a great sex life, but 4 months ago, we had a baby. during my pregnancy we enjoyed sex on a regular basis, and since i have had the baby, he has not so much as touched me. we have messed around and had sex one time, but he was not into it, i could tell after 4 years. i ask him if its the way i look now, or if its anything i can fix. he says he just has no sex drive and he doesnt know whats wrong with him.

he doesnt understand what this does to me! its not that i am a sex addict, but i am a woman. i feel very unattractive and just terrible when my partner of 4 long years isnt even interested in intimacy! i dont know how to really talk to him about it without it looking like all i want is sex. how long can this sex strike last before it is considered a real problem?

Confused about my anger

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 21:27:24 +0000

I've been married for 18 years and ever since my son left for college in August, I have noticed a change in my behavior towards my husband. He is retired and spends a lot of time in the lounge chair reading the news and doing other cerebral things. I resent his not doing his share of work here. I also get angry when he disrespects my work (walks through the house with dirty boots, for example). His lack of initiative drives me crazy, perhaps because I am so very motivated to improve my home and farm and I really like to do physical work. Hence, the problem I am encountering.
How do 2 different people maintain communication and a marriage? I realize the focus is off my son and probably I see too much of my husband each day. I need to tell you that I am a cancer survivor of 5 years and perhaps I am just plain scared at times. Most of the days I am hopeful, but when I see this 62 year old man not doing much, why does it bother me so much? My feelings for him have gone downhill since the cancer scare in 2003 and I am wondering if I should stay with him.

I need to know how to be better for my partner.

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 08:42:16 +0000

I am a 21 year old gay male, It has only been 2 years since I came out to the the world and fell in love with a wonderful man. I find my self being a jerk to him for no reason at all. I take everything he does and I turn it into a fight. I hate fighting but that is all we ever seem to do. My biggest thing is jealousy. I need to figure out how to get over it. I want to make this relationship work but I am unsure how to change myself to better us as a couple. I am really ashamed of my actions and I need to change them. Can someone help me please?

Why do I abuse my partner

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 18:39:20 +0000

I know no one likes to hear that someone is being abused in a relationship and i know that everyone always thinks thats its the female that suffers the abuse, but i hate to admit it, but i hit and shout at my boyfriend.

He is finally leaving me after 3 years together and i'm absolutely devastated. We've had such a hard time together, meeting at work, both separating from our previous relationships, him having 2 children. My ex husband has met my partner and i get on better which him that i did when i was married to him. My partners estranged wife however, still makes things as difficult as possible 3 years later.

I never thought it would be this hard. I thought that our love for each other would be enough to carry us through. But his guilt for leaving his children is so great, it clouds over everything.

I get so angry that i don't get much thought from him that i used to and i shout and i hate to say it, but when i have a drink, there have been occasions that i've lashed out and hit him and scratched his face. He has made excuses for me and i still did it again.

I hate the person i am and i love him to bits. i wish i had learned how to control my temper and anger and i wish i had done this so long ago. He is now in the process of leaving me. He says he still loves me but that something just clicked and he says he's not happy.