Partner Therapy Group - Sex Problems for Women

Feeling uncomfortable with my body, My boyfriend won't come near me!

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 15:45:14 +0000

Hi,

I'm 29 my boyfriend is 37 we have been together 9 years & have three children together. Our sex life has gone from amazing to nothing, last time we had sex was 3 months ago and it was pretty awful!! He wants me experiment more I just feel fat, since having children I havn't been the same... I don't feel very nice at all!!! I really want sex with him but I feel i need to be drunk to enjoy it..!! over months I think he's now got bored, so he doesn;t come near me, no affection at all, no cuddles, kisses nothing!!! It doesn't even seem like we can have a conversation anymore. He says he's living with a stranger! I have caught him looking at porn.. and this has upset me, so he has said he won't look at it anymore. Then 2 nights ago he was acting strange on the pc and I looked the next morning what he had been looking at, and it was women.. beautiful women in suspenders dancing about, showing everything! Now in 9 years I have never worn suspenders, I didn't know that was what he was into? surely he should have said? I have tried other sexy underwear but he never comments on it?
He told me yesterday he thinks I've put on weight, he wants me to feel confident.. and when we have sex he doesn;t want me to just lie there!! however he doesn;t want to force me to do anything I don;t want.

Need to know (How to talk to her)

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 09:29:32 +0000

I am a 32 year old male and my 25 year old girlfriend has just now revealed to me that she hasn't totally been comfortable with me giving her oral sex. There are days when she is more comfortable, but then there are days when she isn't comfortable. On those days she's less comfortable, she stops me and we continue with intercourse, with which she is fully comfortable.

She answers "no" when I ask her if she feels that she feels too unclean to allow me to continue or when I ask her if she feels guilty for letting me. Her reasoning is that she feels her vagina is her most vulnerable spot and that she becomes overwhelmed with emotion and can not take the oral stimulation. I ask if the emotions are sad or negative emotions, but she says "no" to this as well. She has never orgasmed through cunnilingus and this explains why.

I was her first lover. Before me, she had not had any sexual contact. Her first sexual contact with me was completely consentual. She is very uncomfortable talking about sex even now that she has been with me for over a year. She says this is because she never had anyone to talk to about it, that the friends in her life were very religious and regarded sex before marriage as a sin. She is not a religious person though.

Medications, Sexual Side-effects, and an inability to orgasm

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 11:06:51 +0000

I am a 19 year old female and I have been sexually active for four years. I have had sexual encounters both in and out of a relationship. I am comfortable masturbating and have been doing so for years, yet i have NEVER orgasmed. Up until recently this never bothered me; I always assumed with more practice it would happen. Recently I have become bothered with my inability to orgasm. I have been told psychological issues may be the source of my problem. I don't think this is the case though. I have always felt very comfortable sexually. I have never felt pressured or regretted any of my sexual encounters. I don't feel guilty or awkward about my sexuality and I am very comfortable with my appearance. I have always been with partners that are kind and understanding. In fact, most people I have been with try really hard to please me, putting my pleasure ahead of there own. I have never had trouble pleasing anyone but myself.

Some people wonder why I even have sex if I cant orgasm. I enjoy sex, really i do. I have plenty of sex. Its fun and it feels good, but something is missing.

I was thought to have suffered from depression and ocd and have been on antidepressents since elementary school. Recently my doctor has figured out I may have been misdiagnosed and changed my diagnosis to ADD (this has been difficult and weird for me) and i have started taking Strattera. I am aware that many of these medicines cause sexual side-effects. Could my inability to orgasm be one of these sexual side-effects? If so, is there a solution? I must note that there was a three month period that I was not medicated and I still could not achieve orgasm. Recently when I try to masturbate it doesn't even feel that good, it feels pretty neutral. I am going to buy a vibrator as soon as i get the chance. I wish I could see a sex therapist but I don't think that's an option for me right now. My parents would not be thrilled.

Loose Vagina

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 22:00:24 +0000

I am 44 years old and have 3 children. I have been single for 2 years after a 20 year marriage. My boyfriend is not very satisfied with our sex life, only because he says that I have a large vagina. During sex, I become very lubricated when aroused, so I guess that doesn't help him to feel the sensation of a tight vagina. The problem is that he accuses me of cheating constantly and implies that I must have had many sex partners in the past or have been with men who were very large. Neither one of these things are true. I have only had 3 sexual partners including him in my life. I feel so hurt and so rejected now. He recently broke off the relationship for this reason. He told me that I am the most exciting sexual partner that he has ever had but he just can't get past the size of my vagina. He refuses to accept the fact that I had 3 vaginal deliveries in my life and maybe that has a little to do with me not being the size of an 18 year old virgin. I have tried Kegels and they don't work. I don't know what to do.

is it me or is it him?

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 08:26:53 +0000

my fiance and i have been together for 4 years, engaged for one. we have always had a great sex life, but 4 months ago, we had a baby. during my pregnancy we enjoyed sex on a regular basis, and since i have had the baby, he has not so much as touched me. we have messed around and had sex one time, but he was not into it, i could tell after 4 years. i ask him if its the way i look now, or if its anything i can fix. he says he just has no sex drive and he doesnt know whats wrong with him.

he doesnt understand what this does to me! its not that i am a sex addict, but i am a woman. i feel very unattractive and just terrible when my partner of 4 long years isnt even interested in intimacy! i dont know how to really talk to him about it without it looking like all i want is sex. how long can this sex strike last before it is considered a real problem?

17 years monogamy, no orgasm EVER. Stimulation causes only extreme anxiety

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 10:59:08 +0000

First I love my hubby.
We have had no prior sexual partners.
I can not explain the indescribable nervousness and anxiety which builds and builds during penile or digital direct stimulation, to the point where I can not take it anymore. It never reaches a climax or release, no matter how long we go at it. He can go at it for at most five minutes using his penis, but even if he uses only his hands - which after five minutes each tire, and then his arms, which then tire, or his mouth, which also tires after five minutes, I only get extremely nervous to the point where I feel like I am going to cry from it. It makes me so unhappy. I have never ever felt pleasure from intercourse, and do it only as often as I must to keep him somewhat happy, although he is very unhappy that he can not make me happy.
I enjoy the feeling of closeness that sex brings, our bodies close to each other, but other than that, sex is a real turnoff, and I am thankful for each orgasm that he gets in 60 seconds or less, and I dread each sex, fearing that this time he will say, "Now let's try lettng you enjoy sex."
He has stopped trying to give me an orgasm, because he knows that I will subconsciously punish him by refusing his sexual advances more often.

My Boyfriend can't come (during intercourse)

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 10:21:24 +0000

Help. So I've recently just got a new boyfriend. The problem is when we are having sex I orgasm multiple times but he has yet to. He has never come in me. I don't understand what is going on. I've never had this problem with previous boyfriends! Am I doing anything wrong?? What can I do to fix the problem?? it is soooo frustrating. Please help! I need advice asap!!!

GF does not orgasm with intercourse. Was "need advice please help"

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 10:39:01 +0100

im 24 and my girlfriend is the same age, we both have sexual experience she has alot more then i do she has been with 20 or more people and her last boyfriend was large and im medium to small. and i cant make her orgasim with intercourse, i can eat her out and finger her and she gets off but then she never climax with intercourse, i ask her why and she said "my ex was large to say the least and i think he damaged some of the nerves. we rarely were gentle with each other and when he was hurting me he dint care". is there any advice someone can help me with?

I cant even get turned on

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:09:33 +0100

I am 17 years old and have had 2 boyfriends. The thing is i can't get turned on. Even when i think about fantasies and stuff im not turned on and neither of my boyfriends have turned me on. Ive been sexually active for a year and have always faked being turned on but i dont want to fake haveing an orgasm and i know my first boyfriend was very hurt he couldnt make me cum. Ive suffered from depression in the past and i know this can effect your sexual desire. But now i dont know what to do because i want to be turned on and i dont seem to be able to.

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 01:00:00 +0100

n/a

im pregnant and feel repulsive as my boyfriend has totally lost interest in me

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 20:09:58 +0100

I am nearly seven months pregnant and I have always had a higher sex drive than my partner but at the moment it seems as though even being in a relationship is an effort for him let alone sex. We dont have lots of money at the min and are struggling a bit but we always manage. It feels that he now no longer wants me for me he wants me because im giving him a child and thats all hes interested in anymore. We do love each other very much but what do I do when I feel no intimacy. I have tried to talk to him about this issue but he either avoids it or just ignores me and thats the end of it. When the issue of sex comes up he gets all shy about it, what do I do im just so stuck!!!

High libido... is this normal???

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 22:44:57 +0100

I have always had a high libido.Was high in my 20's,stronger in my 30's,Now that I am in my early 40's is it even stronger. I love the man I am with but he can not keep up. I refuse to look outside of our relationship, but this is driving me crazy. He is mid 30's and though he is good to go once a day, he rarely wants it more often. I feel like I am doing something wrong masturbating to subdue the excess. I know I am not,but if tables were turned, I would be offended that he had to seek self satisfaction. When I was married, the ONLY time I refused my spouse was due to menstruation, illness, or him being away. I wanted to keep him satisfied."If he gets enough at home, he wont be looking elsewhere." And it was true.. til he died. I do recognise that regardless of whether or not a woman is aroused, we can still be there when they need it. There ARE other ways that he can help me. He isnt interested. Like he needs to be in the mood for that too. I have begun to feel that my high libido is an invisible abnormality. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I am like this. Like there is something wrong with me. He feels bad about this. I end up in pain from lack of. I CAN work at something and not think about it, but heaven forbid I have longer than a bathroom break.

Difficulty getting orgasms, pain during sexual intercourse, less enjoyment of sexual intercourse

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 16:09:12 +0100

Hi. I have more than one sexual problem. The main problem I've had for several years is that I rarely have orgasms and when they do happen, sometimes it takes up to an hour or two to achieve. This has been a problem for as long as I can remember. I've been on the Depo Provera birth control shot on and off for about 6 years now and I have not had any side effects. I am starting to think that my difficulty in achieving orgasms could be a side effect of the Depo Provera. Do you know if Depo Provera can cause any difficulties achieving orgasms?
My boyfriend has suggested that I could try a different birth control method (he is wondering if there is/are any birth control methods that do not have any sexual side effects) and see if that improves the situation. After my ex boyfriend and I had been in a relationship for 4 years he bought me a vibrator. I did not have any problems whatsoever getting orgasms with that vibrator and I used it for at least one year. It was amazing. Not that I'm a freak or anything but that vibrator broke and I was depressed and have not been able to afford a new one. Although I do not have a vibrator, I am still able to have orgasms from my boyfriend but just feel frustrated because they are so difficult to obtain and he puts so much time, energy, and work into it.

Sex problems, please help.

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 22:37:15 +0100

My husband and I have been married for a year and together for three. We are both in our early thirties. We have issues with sex. I have a promiscuous past that has no doubt left me with many psychological issues. It has been over 10 years since I recall having an orgasm during sex. Sex for the most part is a painful, uncomfortable experience combined with the guilt of not giving it to my husband enough or feeling dirty because of the way it is going. My OB/GYN has recommended testosterone cream, which did not seem to have any effect after 2 months, other than extreme itching and redness. I don’t know if my problems are physical, hormonal, or mental. I should also add that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well. I was taking Zoloft (100mg) but have weaned myself off with no change in libido. My husband was a virgin before we met and has an insatiable appetite. It seems all of our fights stem from sex…or lack thereof. My question is this: Where do we start? Do I/we need to see a psychologist, psychiatrist, sex therapist, marriage counselor, or what? We both agree that we can’t handle this on our own.

How do I get men to put out the effort to give me an orgasm?

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 18:47:56 +0100

I take longer than most women (or at least from what I can surmise??) to orgasm clitorally. I can get myself off pretty quickly, and never have any problems doing it on my own (I get myself off almost every day). However, with a guy, it can take a long time depending on how aroused I am (between 5-45 minutes, and I always fantasize). A lot of guys don't want to put more than about 2 minutes into it,and start losing interest and wanting to move on to the final act. I have never orgasmed internally (although I have never been with a guy who could last longer than about 15 minutes in the final act), so if the guy does not give me a clitoral orgasm before we have sex, I am not going to get off at all unless he has some kind of superhuman stamina.

The point is, I get really tired of having to deal with this, new guys not wanting to put out the effort, and they always end up making me feel bad about the fact that it takes me a while to get off, like I am defective or something. Why should I feel bad if they are lazy or don't have good technique??

Unless the guy is already very skilled, I have to teach them how to get me off. I am happy to teach them how to satisfy me, and if the guy is interested in my pleasure, he learns how to get me off and it's not a problem. However, some of them are not interested in learning... They just don't want to put the time into it.