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I think I hate sex

Submitted by Anonymous on Fri, 30/04/2004 - 15:38. Sex Problems for Women

I hate having sex. I have been with my hubby 7yrs, not always had orgasms during sex. Didnt think much of it when I was younger, I was still enjoying what we were doing. Didn't know any different.
Now I do and I cant orgasm during sex. It's boring and all about him, is how it feels. He is good and does try but I just think oh go asleep I'll do it myself. Now I feel hate him touching me. My boobs are the worse. It makes me feel sick like he's just doing it and I could be anyone.
He is not doing anything different, it's just me.
Sometimes I think I may be gay but I love him and have ever really fancied women, its just the sex. I hate it, I cant watch sexy things on tv it all looks so hard and pushy. It makes me feel ill.
Please help me I want my marriage to work. I'm dieting like mad at the mo to help me feel better about my body in hope that that will help me.

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Sex fantasies

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 16/06/2004 - 21:02.

I have a similar problem which is due to my husband needing so much stimulation, ie talking about sexual senarios involving me with other people, dressing like a prostitute(his interpretation), wearing exessive make up, carrying out some of his fantasies so he can think about them whilst we have sex. All this takes away any spontaneity and any desire I might have to make love to him because I love him and he excites me. We do have sex sometimes but I am conscious that I am inadequate due to this need to fantasise and find myself frogetting the pleasure of the way I feel as I need to focus on turning him on with talk and performance. If I do try and do what I want I am told to open my legs or say I want it hard etc, which stops my arousal as I think sex is about what you feel.Because it is all about him and exciting him enough to have sex I find the only way I can do it is to be cold as I see at as cold sex to have to pretend and perform because it is not real. I would love him to want sex with me because he loves me, finds me sexually attractive, wants to please me. He know says I am cold when we have sex but doesn't understand that becasue the sex is false I cannot show how I feel. He asks me during sex if I want to have double penetration/have sex with other men and I have to say yes I really do, when we both know I don't so how can he be excited when he knows I don't like it. I am starting to feel used as he appears not to care about my needs.

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Hate sex

Submitted by mpramage on Fri, 30/04/2004 - 20:05.

Thank you for this question. It seems that over time you have develpoed a real aversion to sex. This means you feel repulsed by it, disgusted or afraid, and it is not your fault or your husband's fault. As you say he is just doing what he has always done.
It might be interesting to think very carefully about how and when it started.
If you read Sex Problems for Women you may find some useful information among those pages. You would be wise to see a therapist to help you to overcome this problem. Most people need professional help as it is too difficult to overcome on your own, and as you realise can endanger the marriage.
Go to Find A Therapist or http://www.basrt.org.uk where you may find someone.

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