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Husband no longer interested in sex

Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 29/04/2004 - 01:40. Sex Problems for Women

My husband and I have been married for a year and had sex less than 20 times in that year. I am embarrassed to even be able to count the number of times, but it wasn’t hard since we never had sex.
My husband is 15 years older than me, but I don’t think that his age is a huge factor since we used to have sex often before we were married. Instead of having sex with me, my husband chooses to buy me sex toys and videos. I would not have a problem with that if we had a normal sex life as well. I am still young and very attractive and it bothers me that other men are constantly trying to talk to me and flirt with me, but the man that I am married to does not pay me any attention.
Another problem is that I think that my husband is addicted to chatting with women online and on the phone. I caught him last year chatting with women about sex online, and of course he denied it. I don’t understand why he would rather chat with someone about sex than have sex with his wife or even chat with his wife about sex. If he is interested in sex, than why does he seem to have a problem having sex with his wife?
I have tried to talk to him about the issue but he won’t give me straight answers and I get a different excuse every time. I have tried almost everything he suggests, but nothing seems to work. I love my husband but I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage the rest of my life. Please advise.

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Husband no longer interested in sex

Submitted by mpramage on Thu, 29/04/2004 - 17:43.

Well, he is interested in sex all right but not sex with you. I think the problem is that he is one of those men who has a division in his mind between women you love and marry, and women you can be sexual with. Unfortunately you are in the love and marriage category now, and the internet women are in the sex category. Before you married you were in the sex category. Does that seem to fit the situation?
There is actually not much you personally can do except recognise the problem and be aware that deep inside himself he probably feels as bad about it as you do.
It is possible to overcome this mental division, but the man has to want to do that. Any of the Partner Therapy Group therapists could help you with this. You could go to "Finding a Therapist" and see if anyone there is suitable for you, or go to www.basrt.org.uk. If he doesn't want to have help, then you could go on your own about this.

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husband no longer interested in sex

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 03/10/2004 - 23:33.

I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION, BUT WITH A BOYFRIEND. EVERYTHING WAS FINE UNTIL WE STARTED TO GET CLOSER. I DON'T KNOW IF HE USES THE INTERNET TO GET OFF ON. I GUESS THAT IS SOMETHING THAT I WILL NEED TO FIND OUT.HE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT IT IS'NT ME, BUT THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING. HE DOES'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT EITHER. WELL IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE HE WILL DISCUSS IT OR HE WON'T BE TALKING TO ME ANYMORE.ALL HE WILL SAY IS THAT IT IS AN AXIETY PROBLEM. I SAY BULL.

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I have a similar problem with

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 17/03/2005 - 09:31.

I have a similar problem with my fiance, but we have had this problem pretty much since the first three months of our relationship. He instantly becomes a sexual being again if we are on holiday, but I can't afford enough holidays to keep me satisfied. He says it's stress etc, but my question is - he has the problem and doesn't want to do anything about it. I have TRIED and I am getting sick of the rejection. So what do I do?

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I can feel your pain

Submitted by TamaraMace on Sun, 05/08/2007 - 19:07.

My husband and I are 21 years apart. Everything was great in our sex life up until I had gotten pregnant (problems still afoot and she's 3). After that, nothing has been right. I feel like the most unattractive woman ever when I'm with my husband. I too get alot of attention from other men, when attention from my husband is what I want. I honestly don't know what his problem is either. I've spiced up our sex life with various tries - I literally have to beg for intimacy with him. In which, he usually turns me down. When I bring it up I get classic excuses "tired, headache, etc...". He's only too tired for time with me, though. Sex life is on his schedule. I'm 23 years old and once or twice a month isn't enough for me - even WITH toys. I don't know what to do. To further complicate matters - he doesn't see that there's a problem, even when I come to him with the issue. If anyone can answer any of the others questions, please answer mine as well. I'm getting pretty desperate.

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