When my wife and I first got together before we were married, we had an fairly active sex life. We were both virgins when we met.

After we were married, the sex gradually tapered off little by little until now, nearly 15 years later its almost non-existant. The decline started right away thinking back on it now. We have once went longer than 1 year between encounters and often go several months without sex. We are young, both less than 40. It was always me wanting sex and her refusing. She rarely if ever would initiate sex even in the beginning. She always insisted it was her not me at fault and that there was nothing I could do she just didnt feel like it and could never get in the mood. She later blamed the birth control pills, but when she got off them nothing changed. She hasnt been on the pill in many years. Its basically been one excuse after another, but always that its not me.

At times she would say didnt feel like it but if I wanted to I could try to get her in the mood. As much as I would try massages, a lot of foreplay, kissing, taking my time it would rarely work. She would say I was tickling her, obviously not arousing her although she wouldnt say that. SOmetimes we would try and she would be incredibly dry inside which led me to believe I wasn't arousing her or she couldnt get aroused. So after years and years of this, the incredible rejection began to really bother me. We later started using lubrication and that helped the dryness situation and she always orgasms and seems to enjoy it. I should state clearly that its never been that she didnt enjoy sex once we started , it was getting to the point of arousal/starting. I would enjoy giving her oral but she doesn't allow me to do it. She will not let me place my fingers in her vagina. She will not give me oral, nor will she try any other position other than missionary even though I have told her how important these things are to me. I have told her on multiple occasions how unhappy I am with our sex life but she doesn't even like to talk about the subject.

I now think that the rejection over all this time made me get some kind of sexual obsession, I started to lust after other woman and fantasize about being with them. I want to feel wanted by someone sexually and that is something sorely missing from my life. At this point I have completely stopped trying to initiate sex, starting about a year ago. I just couldnt take the rejection anymore so if I dont ask I will not get told no. I am not sure what to do, I do not want to get divorced but I need to be a sexual person and I am tempted to go have an affair.