I broke up with my boyfriend of two years about eighteen months ago. In our time together we had sold our separate houses and bought together, got to know each others' kids (we have both been married before), met each others' family, and, I felt, were really building a future together. We had a great sex life, never argued, enjoyed each other's company, laughed a lot, and had lots in common. The only thing about him that annoyed me were his silly little lies that he made up from time to time and got tripped up on.

However, several incidents arose during our time together that made me think that my boyfriend was being unfaithful. In fact, after the first incident, I broke up with him. I eventually gave him another chance. Basically, he is in the navy so was away alot. I found a letter from a woman outlining details about how she was looking forward to his visit and was saving herself for him. He said he was at work on board his ship, and met her briefly, but was not unfaithful. I telephoned her, but she wouldn't tell me anything.
A few months went by, and another incident happened. My boyfriend was describing to his family how his shed had been broken into, and his golf clubs stolen and how WE spent all the insurance money at a golf shop. I told him that he wasn't with me that day, and after telling me that it was a friend of his (female; I texted her and she said she wasn't with him either), he then refused to discuss it.
A few more months passed, and Xmas was upon us. My boyfriend had just swapped his mobile phone. He left his old phone in the house while he went out. He never used to leave his phone in the house, especially turned on (he always turned it off- suspicious in itself), so it was a surprise when it rang. A man's name flashed up, and I answered it. A woman answered, saying she'd got the wrong number, then I said who's phone it was, and she replied she was just ringing to wish him a happy xmas. I said he would call her back.
Upon his return, he refused to call her back in front of me, saying that he had fallen out with her husband a couple of years earlier, and that she must have his mobile phone. This obviously led to a very unhappy xmas for me.
After xmas, he had a week off in January. He said he had a navy GP's appointment on the Wednesday morning, and a boy's night out in the evening, so he would stay on board ship and work for the day, but would be back home on the Thursday morning. The boys' night out was supposed to be a river cruise. I rang around all the river cruise companies I could find, and to my knowledge and theirs, no cruises happened in January. I also rang the ship, and was told that he wasn't there, that he was on annual leave. He denied this, saying he was on the ship, but in his office, and people presumed he wasn't there.
It all came to a head after this, and he left me because he said I didn't trust him.
Now he says he wants me back, but still denies he did anything wrong. I probably still love him, but feel I can't have him back without the truth. I need the truth to be able to forgive him. He says there's nothing to tell, and refuses to go to relationship counselling with me or alone. He says he will always maintain his innocence. I don't know what to do. Obviously I have my children to think about and don't want to make a mistake. Any advice would be greatfully received.