Is there any advice you can offer me on what I can do to help him work through this? Or possibly new ways we can approach sex so that he receives better stimulation?

I posted this comment a few months ago, and I did some additional research in the mean time. My boyfriend believes that his problem possibly stems from his unusual masturbation habits, which trained him for many years to ejaculate only with a particular form of stimulation (penis placed between his legs). This is not necessarily "retarded ejaculation", but more appropriately is called TMS (Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome) - there is no reason why if he conditioned himself to respond in one particular way, he cannot recondition himself (even though it may take some time). I don't believe that simply accepting the situation is the best advice - and may be harmful - it is like ignoring a problem. Those who may be experiencing a similar problem may want to check out healthystrokes.com Hope some of you find that useful.

I too have been married for 4 years, and my husband from the beginning could not come inside me. If he were masturbated a certain way, with HIS help, he could sometimes come. Now he had been single for most of the 19 years since his divorce, and I wonder if he has "trained" himself to this behavior. Then as time went on, he seemed to lose interest,(to much work???) thought I am in great shape, very nice looking, good to him, etc...I
think that there are some truths to this good boy bad boy stuff. He was raised with certain beliefs, by elderly parents. I am very unhappy that he never likes to have oral sex with me..either as I have found out. so I am stuck with zippo. No foreplay either, really wierd to me. I am losing respect. I feel. I have a pretty strong drive, and after 7 years of tolerating this, I am tired. I have tried to talk about this, even my initiating sex has been met with rejection:lets cuddle, he say's. sorry but it is not not enough. I have had great sex in the past, , and I really am craving it. Unfortunately going in I knew something was up, I knew after 6 months of dating but made trade offs.
He is a great man, everything a woman wants in a man. Loyal. hard working, kind, etc. But I have been for a very long time seeking therapy for depression, and am beginning to wonder if this is the source. Recently have had many come ons by other men, and have ignored them. BUT recently I have started a conversation with a young man, admitting this to him. Shocked myself. I think I am dying without it. Hugging, cuddling and the like is NOT enough. He can get it up, but seems to have no interest, talk is cheap. Also does not like oral sex which is really very very important to me. Need it. So I think that masturbation can have a negative effect on a mans sexual behavior if it is the primary source of sex for many years. That all I have to say. except, that I feel bad. So many many woman suffer in silence. I do not want to leave, but geeese, I am not ready to shrivel up yet, I have been thinking of a sexual affair with a friend....but don't know what to do

I am very sorry to hear about your situation, and can certainly understand your frustration! I posted this a while ago - since then, my boyfriend had admitted that he has a problem, and is willing to address it so that our relationship remains healthy. We are currently in therapy with someone that specializes in couples work and is a certified sex therapy. We have only been to two sessions - but it really seems to be helping a lot. Already he came inside me twice this weeks - and that is significant improvement, considering that it has been months! I really recommend you talk to your husband about how you are feeling, and what you need in order to be satisfied sexually. Suggest going to therapy to talk about - but make sure you find someone that you both feel comfortable with, and someone with experience dealing with sexual problems. Also, since you mention that he seems uninterested in sex, he might want to see a doctor to ge his testosterone levels checked. My boyfriend and I went through the whole thing - first he saw his GP to ge endocrine tests, then a urologist, to rule out physical problems, and finally we are in therapy together. Ruling out the physical stuff first really helped, because it forced him to stop making excuses that he thought he had a physical problem. Now it is clear as day that it is psychological, and we are taking steps to resolving the problem. I have made it clear to him that I am unhappy with the current situation, but that I love him enough to want to work through this together. I think we are headed in a postive direction now - and I can certainly see the light at the end of the tunnel. Talk to your husband - don't attack him - just express how you feel and see what he says. Tell me how it goes.