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Help and advice required!!

Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 04/05/2005 - 14:49. Family Problems

Hi,

I recently split from my girlfriend following a long distance relationship which she decided to break off (I'm pretty sure she was seeing someone else, probably all the time we were together, but can't prove it). I had even handed in my notice and intended to start a new job when she told me it was over - had to crawl for my job back, which was extremely difficult when all I wanted to do was stay off work ill because of the stress she had caused me!!

She firstly said I could see the child, but that she wouldn't put my name on the birth certificate, or sign a paternal responsibilty form.

She has now said she will expect me to pay maintenance for the child (not a problem to me providing 1) the child is mine, and 2) I am allowed to see the child (not unreasonable is it?)

When I mentioned paternity testing, she flipped, and called me every name under the sun etc. She has, in discussions since, mentioned she may not let me see the child, then said I can, then I can't etc.

Can anyone give me any advice as to what course I should take - do I wait for her to go to the CSA and then enforce a paternity test? Also, if I get evidence I am the childs biological father from the pat test, would this entitle me to access to my child, and where would I start to achieve this?

Any advice on this would help an extremely worried person.

Thanks xxx

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do the right thing for the baby's sake.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 07/07/2005 - 01:19.

I would suggest you immediately demand, or pay for a paternity test if you have any doubts about your relationship at the time she got pregnant. In the states you may be held responsible for support even if you find that you are not the biological father- if you start paying support before having a test to establish paternity. Check with a local child protection advocate regarding parental support.

Establishing paternity with a test should put you on firm legal ground for visitation or even custodial rights (should you feel that in the child's best interest) It will create a "next of kin" succession should anything untoward ever happen to your ex- protecting the child from the foster care system. I expect if she hopes to extract monetary support form you, legally she would have to name you on the birth certificate in some official capacity.

See if there is a agency that can help you with making payments or setting up a trust to protect the child's support money from being squandered (esp. college funds). Keep good records of your support payments too. If your parents desire to leave money for the child they should set up a trust as well.

You can't stop your ex from being pigheaded or saying things against you, but you can protect yourself from abuse, and when the child is old enough to understand will see that you tried to do right by him. You may want to send a letter to any presiding justice or social bureau, stating your desires to do the right thing, to be included in the files, which your ex cannot tamper with. Your child, if he is indeed your's, will appreciate your efforts.

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help and advice required

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 12/05/2005 - 18:20.

Hi this is for the guy who split up with his girlfriend and they have a baby together..First I would go to the courts, arrange for a summons to go out to her and ask for a paternity test and demand for joint custody. You have your legal rights and if you want to be a part of your child's life, I would do this promptly, before she could do something crazy. And if its not your child than just hope to never meet a woman like that again. Keep your head high, Make sure you take care of this issue right away.

Sincerely,
K
GOOD LUCK

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