I am confused about my boyfriend -he hates me and he loves me. I AM DESPERATE!!! PLEASE HELP ANYONE!!

Relationship Problems

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. I am 29 and he will be 34 soon. I am desperate. We fight every week about the smallest insignificant things. But he always explodes and he hits me all the time. He has never hit me in the face but he hits my head and my body. I just don't understand. One day he hates me and the next day he says he acts like he loves me and says I am so sorry for hitting you.

He says he doesn't mean it but he just can not control his anger. I have been going through this for almost 6 years now. I love him with all my heart and I want to marry him. But it has been about 3-4 years now that he calls me names like moron, idiot and basically all the names in the book. He never initiates sex. I always have to. He never kisses me or touches me, why? I just don't understand.

He is in average looking guy. I always get all the attention when we are out in public. Men always try to approach me. I am a swimsuit Model and this makes it even harder for me because it seems that everyone wants me except my boyfriend. He never takes me out because he says that he hates the fact that men stare at me. I tell him that it should not matter because my eyes, love and heart are only for him.

It's really strange he shows me he really loves me but then he hits me all the time and he puts me down by calling me names. I have tried everything to keep this man happy but it seems that I am the only one trying. I am always in contact with him. He never goes out with his friends. He is always at home. He plays computer battle games everyday (he's addicted to these games).

It is so strange because I love him with all my heart and I want to make it work. But then I stop to think why do I love him so much? He treats me like crap. He is not romantic either. The first year was good he would initiate sex, he would foreplay and give me full body massages and he would also give me foreplay but after the first year it was all gone.

PLEASE HELP! I am going crazy! I just don't know who am I anymore. I used to be this confident girl and now my self esteem is to the ground. It is weird because I work out every day and I stay in shape for my career well now I do it for him. I am so focused to be perfect for him. since I've been with him I have changed everything to make me like me again. I changed my body type up and down from being the super skinny 100 pound model to the curve body type. Hair colors like crazy. Every where I go I get compliments but that just does not help at all. I feel down about myself now. My boyfriend has made me this insecure, low self esteem, mental girl now. My friends think I am this lucky girl that has it all. They tell me you are lucky you are so beautiful, you have a great body, nice car a great career. They tell me how lucky of me to be able to have or date anyone I want. But in reality they just don't know how unlucky I am and how unhappy I am. I would give up my looks, my money, my everything just to be happy with my boyfriend and to have happyness in life. I have begun to hate myself now...

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First of all i want to

First of all i want to applaud you for being strong, 6years thats the character of a strong woman. I can only imagine the pain and heartache that you have been through and now its time you stop seeing your boyfriend. I know am being of no help but what more do you expect from this guy? its good that you can see where you have been and its even great that you want to find fulfillment.

Find out who you really and discover your purpose in life.Dont let anybody bring you down no matter how much you love them.This dude has no place in your life stop trying to love people who dont love you back, just be loveable. I mean just put yourself first love yourself and all the rest will follow.wishing you all the best.

Please Read and Reply

First off I will have to say that I admire and adore your love for your boyfriend. I guess I would be a fortunate man if I can get a girlfriend like you. Now getting back to your issue I am going to be saying certain things that is going to earn me the wrath of a lot of people from this forum, including you. But nevertheless I want to share with you all what I think and would love to hear back.

Here are my thoughts. I can safely say that if your boyfriend had treated you well either you would have broken up with him long time back or else would think that the relationship is 'oh so bland and boring'. Am I being rude? Yes! and why is that? Because truth hurts most of the times! Now the reason I make this statement is based on the very popular theory that "Women hate Nice Guys". Now I am not talking about the guys who are needy, tend to cling, suffocate their girlfriends, put them on a pedestal and worship them etc etc.. I am talking about the normal average guy that is a decent man. Time and time again it has been proven that women sub-conciously want to be put in their places.
Women at a conscious level want men that can treat them well, give them respect blah blah blah... But at the gut level all they want is a guy that they can fix, who will be a challenge, is very 'exciting'... I have known so many wonderful men that were dumped by their girlfriends because they felt that the relationship was too stable, it was not exciting, he was not a challenge and was very predictable.
Now am I claiming that women knowingly go for men that would beat them or treat them bad? Nope. May be insane women would do it. I am telling that they would ignore countless decent men that have stable jobs, average looking, and would treat their women with respect. Instead they would fall for the guy who has some "bad boy" elements in him.
Then they would try to fix him thinking that he would change.. And hell no, he is not going to change. But is the woman going to realize this and come out of the relationship? No way, she will try harder and give more all the while ignoring the good people that show genuine affection for her. Sounds familiar? Take your own case!
You have clearly mentioned you have been with him for 6 years. Now that is really a long period of time. What is really stopping you from breaking up with this guy and instead respond to one of the many men that you claim admire you?? I know that once you are in love it's not easy to break-up. But hey come on 6 years IS long! I bet you would have broken up with that guy had he been a nice guy and treated you with respect, especially considering the fact that you are an attractive woman.

What did you initially find in this guy that made you fall for him?? And why this guy when you can get anyone?? What did you see so special in this person???? I know that I have been harsh on you but this insanity of good women running after and getting abused by some jerks who sit at home and play video games got to be explained. If you want to hit back at me for being so rude please do so... vent your feelings!! But please reply and let me know your thoughts. I would appreciate that!

Many thnx. (I also, in all my honesty, wish you a better life. If you have the courage to accept it!)

What is your limit?

I just turned 20 and I recently was dumped by my boyfriend and came across this website. My boyfriend doesn't hit me but we had problems. However, the problems we had are not as severe as the ones posted. Love can take over your mind, it's so true, but MY GOD if someone is hitting you, please move on. The hard part is that you know it will destroy them, but you have to. Where is your self-worth? Part of me understands because in your mind you think about all those moments that felt so right and how amazing it felt to connect with someone, but where is your limit? Best of Luck ladies and God Bless :)

I know how you feel.

I know how you feel because me n my boyfriend are the same way. I love him to death but all that matters to him is what he wants to do and when he wants to do it. I do get hit on like almost everyday. I don't understand.. I have no friends anymore because of him. They all wanted him so I quit talking to them because I can't have friends that want my boyfriend. I feel like I am fat and ugly and I have no self-esteem. The little friends I do have are always telling me that I don't need to put up with him but they don't understand how I feel about him. If you have any advice for me please e-mail me at dulacmomma55@aol.com

Dump him! Dump him now. Any m

Dump him! Dump him now. Any man that uses physical violence is contemptible and unworthy of love. YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE IMMEDIATELY AND GET COUNSELING. Going through a relationship like that can be hard on anyone, and you are really going to need someone to help you heal. I can't believe you've been with this loser for 6 years. Don't waste another minute of your life.

First of all, let me say I ca

First of all, let me say I can completely understand your position.I think at one time or another each of us has found ourselves with a person who doesn't respect us.To stay with that person is a choice we all have to make.Some quickly end their relationship others dwindle on longer.Positive and negative are opposites.I think sometimes some of us are attracted to the opposite characteristics we have ourselves.In the beginning it's intoxicating.This does not last and these very things become poisonous.Negative will feed on positive.He has already drained you.I think the main problem is that you allow him to treat you badly.This takes its toll on your self esteem.Inside you feel like you must deserve it.You see it perpetuates itself.The pain is never ending.If you end it now,you will feel pain.Alot of pain,but nothing you can not endure.Eventually the pain will start to fade,and your self esteem will return.The beauty of this is that your self esteem will immeadiatly start to repair it's self as soon as you begin to stand up for yourself.Beware though,this will probably attract him to you once again.This is where you will have to be your strongest.Just remember,it will never fix itself.After a few weeks it will return to the exact place it ended only more resentment will added.Remember this line,"end with pain,or pain without end".One last thing.I found in my situation what helped me to end it was this.Instead of thinking "breakup",just slowly let it fade.Stop calling as much,and don't put any effort into it any longer.Let it die slowly.It lacks the high drama of a breakup.This may not work for everyone,but it did work for me.I realize these are mere words and easy for someone who isn't in your shoes,but I was at one time.You can do this!Do it now!!!

I am angry with my b/f (was "pathetic males")

I can understand a bit what you are going through. My boyfriend is older than myself and treats me like a child. I have a few male friends and he dumps me every time I talk about them or says thinks like "well why don't you just fuck him". It makes me feel gross as they are just friends.
He can be so nice one minute and uses all the lines in the book, calls me gorgeous etc, but they are just cancelled out by all the disgusting names he calls me. When we first got together, he would always initiate the physical contact, now he never does and ignores me but says he is busy.
I started suspecting he was cheating so took action and searched his house, his phone and his emails. I found my evidence in the form of condoms, text messages and emails to another woman (he uses the same lines on her) MAKES ME SICK!!! Unfortunately I am still in love with him but am so angry at the same time.
I stopped going out or even talking to my friends because he used to get so jealous, especially around males. I hope you will realize that he is not worth all the heartbreak. I have been there, it keeps going round and round in a circle.
Lately I have come to realise he does not respect women, says they are all money grabbing whores. Its so NOT true, all we want is love but all they want is to use us and move onto the next girls. Maybe your bf is cheating or maybe he is just a chauvanist like mine. I know my life has been turned upside down. I can't work, can't concentrate and all I can think about is trying to make it work and trying to make him respect me.
I try and do EVERYTHING to please him, like waste money on lingere, wear makeup, try to look older and more sophisticated. Nothing works anymore. When we first got together he was in total awe of me, now I have lost my soul. Sadly, there are a lot of guys who don't respect us, so we should save ourselves the heartbreak and stop listening to their bullshit lines that they feed ANY girl who comes their way.

i can understand how u feel

i can understand how u feel . my boyfriend and i are going threw the same thing, except that he gets mad over nothing . he says that i'm making him mad but i'm not . i do everything for him . he makes me feel like i'm a nobody and it gets old all the time. sometimes i wish i had a boyfriend that was more respectful to me and treats me more better.. my boyfriend is 21 and i'm only 16 . my boyfriend says that he loves me and i know he does but sometimes i don't know i can trust him because he is talking to a lot of girls that he doesn't even knows. some men don't care of about how women feel they only want one thing and some women are not like that.. i love my boyfriend very much but anymore i can't stand him. girls if u are reading this please take my advise don't let a man get in your way of life .. if u want to go hangout with your friends go u don't have to listen to your boyfriend all the damn time , go out and have some fun ..

my boyfriend treats me bad

I'm so stuck and no one can help me. I love my boyfriend more than I've ever loved anyone and he treats me so bad he's two years older than me. We argue alot, yesterday I slept over his and he shouted at me for no reason and started saying that when we have sex he thinks of other people and that he's cheated in me with 3 people and started swearing at me.
I love him and want it to work but I find myself crying everyday coz hes so nasty to me two of my mates have said that he tred to get with them too. I've been with him for 6 months he used to be so nice but since his uncle died hes been the worst boyfriend I've ever had but i alays find myself running back to him i cant eat or sleep my life is ruined I haven't even got a life.
Someone please help me I'm not strong enough to leave him and when I do I always run back because it really upsets him and he's really nice to me but the we get back together and he's the same person as before and we argue more. Help me please.

An answer

First of all, I am going to say something very important. You do not need to be with this guy if he makes u not love yourself. If someone loves you then they do everything in their power to make past wrongs right. Apologizing isn't exactly cutting it if he has been abusing you physically and perhaps emotionally for the past six years. He needs help. But not only from you..he needs to go see a doctor about controlling his anger. This is a serious problem and could eventually lead to a serious injury. I know right now you're probably thinking that you can't leave him because you love him so much. I know because i went through a situation similar to yours. I had a boyfriend for 4 years and no matter what I did I never felt good enough for him. He always made me feel that I had to be perfect, and I could never seem to ever be quite perfect enough. I recently broke it off..and it's been really hard. He was always that one guy who I always knew would be there..but not in a good way. It's been really hard for me so far. It's just that one day I had enough and I knew I couldn't call him and break it off or tell him in person or I would give in to him and I wouldn't solve anything at all. So I just stopped calling him, I broke all ties of communication so that i could focus on bettering myself and my self-confidence. No one can ever truly love someone else until they learn to love themselves. If you love yourself, you know that he's tearing you apart inside and that YOU need to break it off and try to regain your strength as an individual before it progresses any further. If you marry him, do you really want him to hit you for the rest of your life? And if you have children..do you want them to see him hit you or god forbid hit your children? I hate to sound like I'm preaching..b/c I"m not. I just want to share my perspective on this situation..possibly be of some help. I hope you realize the right thing to do. The answer is in your heart and you know what the right answer is or you wouldn't have posted your message. I hope you make the right decision, and remember to love yourself and don't let anyone make you feel badly about who you are. You only have one life..live it the way you know is right.

Help for your boyfriend

It seems like there is something really aggravating him and since all he ever does is play video games and I'm assuming work (he does not go out with his friends as you said), he has nothing to vent his frustration on besides you. I would strongly recommend trying to find out why he gets so angry. Just sit down on one of his good days and ask him if everything is ok. Talk with him and see if you can understand what is putting him in such a bad mood. Most guys do not like to talk about their situations, even more so if they have to make the first move and go to someone. Its a lot easier for guys to be approached.

He obviously still loves and cares for you as he is still with you and he apologizes after he does something wrong. The fact he has days when he is sweet with you is also a good sign.

Trying to make him happy and you looking good isn't really going to solve anything. It might work for a little while, but that's it. Something is causing him to treat you so poorly. Even if trying to make him happy succeeded, the cause of his problems would still exist, and they would probably resurfacd again. You must find out what is causing this behavior and then work on the situation from there.

I wish you the best of luck.
S...

Anger management

Unless he gets anger management, and makes a real effort to change, he will never stop hitting you. On the other hand, you might know how to push his buttons. Even so, that is never a reason to hit a woman.
I don't know about other men, but I take it as a compliment when other men look at my woman. It's when she responds to it that a man needs to worry.

SAME BOAT

I am in the same boat as the first girl who wrote in. My boyfriend treats me so badly, i have no self esteem left. I get a lot of attention whenever I go out, so i know I am a pretty girl, and he hates that so much. He tells me i'm ugly, I have cellulite, and he picks on me for anything he can. He has hit me a few times, I even had to go the ER one nite because he threw a bottle of air freshener and it hit me in the head, and i needed 4 staples. I forgave him, and he has chilled as far as the hitting, but his words hurt ten times worse. He doesnt initiate sex, he doesnt show me any affection and he acts like I'm bothering him. The thing that really holds me to him, is we have a 2 year old daughter together and we've been together for 5 years. He is 28 and I'm 22. i just need the strength to leave him for good, we've broken up a few times, but we always get back together. HELP if anyone has advice or is suffering like me.

My boyfriend has never hit me

My boyfriend has never hit me, but we always fight, and he developed some wierd behaviour over the past year. We've been together for 2 years, and he started recently getting mad about what I wear. He even bought me a dress then got mad when I wore it. He says that I try to show my skin to his friends, because we were playing frisbee and my skirt went up by an accident. He left and got really mad, he said "I know what you're trying to do and it makes me sick" I apporoached him about it, but he gets so mad and doesnt seem to realize that he's out of line. He is always always angry and in a bad mood. I moved to a different city with him and I have no friends here, but when we go out with his friends, he butts infront of me when we walk, and ignores me. I am always feeling like he thinks he's above me. He leaves me in a huge party alone with no one I know and doesnt introduce me to anybody. and he walks away and turns his back to me all the time. Sometimes when I say something he will give me wierd looks, like if I'm stupid or something. He won't let me touch any other guys, literally, if I greet someone or even tap their shoulder, he gets raging mad. He lets his friends put their arms around me and give me hugs, but i need to stay put and not move, because if I hug them back he gets mad. Like some other girls, I feel like I have lost alot of my self-esteem. Most of all I feel like a loser for having put up with all this. But since I left all my friends and family for him, it's really hard to get away. I told him I wanted to move out, and he broke up with me and told me to be out by the next day. He has lots of problems, and sometimes when he's depressed we talk about them, but when he feels better its back to the usual.I know what I need to do, it's just very difficult. I was raised to respect myself, and what hurts me most is to think about what my friends and family would think of me if they knew what i put up with. I don't entirely blame him, because I know I am half the problem.

Leave him

Leave him. If he loves you he will not hit you. You cannot hurt someone you love. I am in the same place but mine does not hit me. He treats me very cold, and whenever i try apologizing, he wants nothing to do with me. I came to the conclusion that he hates me. I feel bad that you have a two yr. old daughter, but any guy who puts you in the hospital is not for you. I know you love him, and you always think of him. I do too. I love my guy. I never stop thinking about him, not even for a second. After everything i've told him and everything we've been through. He says things that hurt me emotionally. I cry. I get real lonely, and feel as if i am one of the lonliest people on earth. Whatever the case. If he hits you, then you need to leave him, i mean a person can say sorry and not mean it. You know what you have to do, it's only a matter of time. You might tell yourself that you love him and that may be true but in your heart, you know it isn't right. It's just something you can feel.

How are we supposed to know what's right?

It seems like EVERY girl I know has this problem-including me.
How are we supposed to find solace when it seems like every single guy has this emotionally inept control freak problem? I feel like the biggest loser of all because I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 20 and he treats me this way. He's not older yet somehow he has control over me. We used to have the kind of fights that almost made sense to me because they were ABOUT something. He handled them poorly, calling me terrible names of course, but things always seemed to work themselves out or blow over. Sometimes we go months and everything is just perfect and then one night he lashes out for no reason and freaks out over some cleaning issue or something so insanely stupid. He of course never hits me, but he says such horrible things to me over and over like it means nothing and it makes me want to hit HIM! I never do, but then I'm the crazy one for sticking up for myself! He used to be so normal and it has had me thinking over the past 5 years that there is something wrong with me-which I don't doubt. But I have gone to people for help and they all seem miserable in their own relationships and they have no substantial advice for me. It has almost convinced me that there is no other alternative, that relationships just inherently suck.
What are women supposed to do?

What are women supposed to do

My dear am a dude and my heart breaks when i hear all the things that women of today have to go through.I pretty much grew up in the same environment of my dad abusing my mum and i vowed in my life never to mistreat women but to hold them in the highest esteem possible and to respect them as much as i can.credit to my mum she taught me better and overcomed all the bullshit.

I still keep asking myself the same questions that women ask themselves "why do men do the crazy things that they do"am not that sane and neither am i crazy but what will i gain by mistreating women.Its sad that men of today have bad tendancies towards women from the way they view women,describe and treat women.Its a pity that our sisters are left hurting and settling for bullshit cause of men who dont want to rise up and be the men that they are supposed to be.Sisters be encouraged and dont just settle for anything.