First of all i want to applaud you for being strong, 6years thats the character of a strong woman. I can only imagine the pain and heartache that you have been through and now its time you stop seeing your boyfriend. I know am being of no help but what more do you expect from this guy? its good that you can see where you have been and its even great that you want to find fulfillment.

Find out who you really and discover your purpose in life.Dont let anybody bring you down no matter how much you love them.This dude has no place in your life stop trying to love people who dont love you back, just be loveable. I mean just put yourself first love yourself and all the rest will follow.wishing you all the best.

First off I will have to say that I admire and adore your love for your boyfriend. I guess I would be a fortunate man if I can get a girlfriend like you. Now getting back to your issue I am going to be saying certain things that is going to earn me the wrath of a lot of people from this forum, including you. But nevertheless I want to share with you all what I think and would love to hear back.

Here are my thoughts. I can safely say that if your boyfriend had treated you well either you would have broken up with him long time back or else would think that the relationship is 'oh so bland and boring'. Am I being rude? Yes! and why is that? Because truth hurts most of the times! Now the reason I make this statement is based on the very popular theory that "Women hate Nice Guys". Now I am not talking about the guys who are needy, tend to cling, suffocate their girlfriends, put them on a pedestal and worship them etc etc.. I am talking about the normal average guy that is a decent man. Time and time again it has been proven that women sub-conciously want to be put in their places.
Women at a conscious level want men that can treat them well, give them respect blah blah blah... But at the gut level all they want is a guy that they can fix, who will be a challenge, is very 'exciting'... I have known so many wonderful men that were dumped by their girlfriends because they felt that the relationship was too stable, it was not exciting, he was not a challenge and was very predictable.
Now am I claiming that women knowingly go for men that would beat them or treat them bad? Nope. May be insane women would do it. I am telling that they would ignore countless decent men that have stable jobs, average looking, and would treat their women with respect. Instead they would fall for the guy who has some "bad boy" elements in him.
Then they would try to fix him thinking that he would change.. And hell no, he is not going to change. But is the woman going to realize this and come out of the relationship? No way, she will try harder and give more all the while ignoring the good people that show genuine affection for her. Sounds familiar? Take your own case!
You have clearly mentioned you have been with him for 6 years. Now that is really a long period of time. What is really stopping you from breaking up with this guy and instead respond to one of the many men that you claim admire you?? I know that once you are in love it's not easy to break-up. But hey come on 6 years IS long! I bet you would have broken up with that guy had he been a nice guy and treated you with respect, especially considering the fact that you are an attractive woman.

What did you initially find in this guy that made you fall for him?? And why this guy when you can get anyone?? What did you see so special in this person???? I know that I have been harsh on you but this insanity of good women running after and getting abused by some jerks who sit at home and play video games got to be explained. If you want to hit back at me for being so rude please do so... vent your feelings!! But please reply and let me know your thoughts. I would appreciate that!

Many thnx. (I also, in all my honesty, wish you a better life. If you have the courage to accept it!)

I just turned 20 and I recently was dumped by my boyfriend and came across this website. My boyfriend doesn't hit me but we had problems. However, the problems we had are not as severe as the ones posted. Love can take over your mind, it's so true, but MY GOD if someone is hitting you, please move on. The hard part is that you know it will destroy them, but you have to. Where is your self-worth? Part of me understands because in your mind you think about all those moments that felt so right and how amazing it felt to connect with someone, but where is your limit? Best of Luck ladies and God Bless :)

I know how you feel because me n my boyfriend are the same way. I love him to death but all that matters to him is what he wants to do and when he wants to do it. I do get hit on like almost everyday. I don't understand.. I have no friends anymore because of him. They all wanted him so I quit talking to them because I can't have friends that want my boyfriend. I feel like I am fat and ugly and I have no self-esteem. The little friends I do have are always telling me that I don't need to put up with him but they don't understand how I feel about him. If you have any advice for me please e-mail me at dulacmomma55@aol.com

Dump him! Dump him now. Any man that uses physical violence is contemptible and unworthy of love. YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE IMMEDIATELY AND GET COUNSELING. Going through a relationship like that can be hard on anyone, and you are really going to need someone to help you heal. I can't believe you've been with this loser for 6 years. Don't waste another minute of your life.

First of all, let me say I can completely understand your position.I think at one time or another each of us has found ourselves with a person who doesn't respect us.To stay with that person is a choice we all have to make.Some quickly end their relationship others dwindle on longer.Positive and negative are opposites.I think sometimes some of us are attracted to the opposite characteristics we have ourselves.In the beginning it's intoxicating.This does not last and these very things become poisonous.Negative will feed on positive.He has already drained you.I think the main problem is that you allow him to treat you badly.This takes its toll on your self esteem.Inside you feel like you must deserve it.You see it perpetuates itself.The pain is never ending.If you end it now,you will feel pain.Alot of pain,but nothing you can not endure.Eventually the pain will start to fade,and your self esteem will return.The beauty of this is that your self esteem will immeadiatly start to repair it's self as soon as you begin to stand up for yourself.Beware though,this will probably attract him to you once again.This is where you will have to be your strongest.Just remember,it will never fix itself.After a few weeks it will return to the exact place it ended only more resentment will added.Remember this line,"end with pain,or pain without end".One last thing.I found in my situation what helped me to end it was this.Instead of thinking "breakup",just slowly let it fade.Stop calling as much,and don't put any effort into it any longer.Let it die slowly.It lacks the high drama of a breakup.This may not work for everyone,but it did work for me.I realize these are mere words and easy for someone who isn't in your shoes,but I was at one time.You can do this!Do it now!!!

I can understand a bit what you are going through. My boyfriend is older than myself and treats me like a child. I have a few male friends and he dumps me every time I talk about them or says thinks like "well why don't you just fuck him". It makes me feel gross as they are just friends.
He can be so nice one minute and uses all the lines in the book, calls me gorgeous etc, but they are just cancelled out by all the disgusting names he calls me. When we first got together, he would always initiate the physical contact, now he never does and ignores me but says he is busy.
I started suspecting he was cheating so took action and searched his house, his phone and his emails. I found my evidence in the form of condoms, text messages and emails to another woman (he uses the same lines on her) MAKES ME SICK!!! Unfortunately I am still in love with him but am so angry at the same time.
I stopped going out or even talking to my friends because he used to get so jealous, especially around males. I hope you will realize that he is not worth all the heartbreak. I have been there, it keeps going round and round in a circle.
Lately I have come to realise he does not respect women, says they are all money grabbing whores. Its so NOT true, all we want is love but all they want is to use us and move onto the next girls. Maybe your bf is cheating or maybe he is just a chauvanist like mine. I know my life has been turned upside down. I can't work, can't concentrate and all I can think about is trying to make it work and trying to make him respect me.
I try and do EVERYTHING to please him, like waste money on lingere, wear makeup, try to look older and more sophisticated. Nothing works anymore. When we first got together he was in total awe of me, now I have lost my soul. Sadly, there are a lot of guys who don't respect us, so we should save ourselves the heartbreak and stop listening to their bullshit lines that they feed ANY girl who comes their way.

I'm so stuck and no one can help me. I love my boyfriend more than I've ever loved anyone and he treats me so bad he's two years older than me. We argue alot, yesterday I slept over his and he shouted at me for no reason and started saying that when we have sex he thinks of other people and that he's cheated in me with 3 people and started swearing at me.
I love him and want it to work but I find myself crying everyday coz hes so nasty to me two of my mates have said that he tred to get with them too. I've been with him for 6 months he used to be so nice but since his uncle died hes been the worst boyfriend I've ever had but i alays find myself running back to him i cant eat or sleep my life is ruined I haven't even got a life.
Someone please help me I'm not strong enough to leave him and when I do I always run back because it really upsets him and he's really nice to me but the we get back together and he's the same person as before and we argue more. Help me please.

First of all, I am going to say something very important. You do not need to be with this guy if he makes u not love yourself. If someone loves you then they do everything in their power to make past wrongs right. Apologizing isn't exactly cutting it if he has been abusing you physically and perhaps emotionally for the past six years. He needs help. But not only from you..he needs to go see a doctor about controlling his anger. This is a serious problem and could eventually lead to a serious injury. I know right now you're probably thinking that you can't leave him because you love him so much. I know because i went through a situation similar to yours. I had a boyfriend for 4 years and no matter what I did I never felt good enough for him. He always made me feel that I had to be perfect, and I could never seem to ever be quite perfect enough. I recently broke it off..and it's been really hard. He was always that one guy who I always knew would be there..but not in a good way. It's been really hard for me so far. It's just that one day I had enough and I knew I couldn't call him and break it off or tell him in person or I would give in to him and I wouldn't solve anything at all. So I just stopped calling him, I broke all ties of communication so that i could focus on bettering myself and my self-confidence. No one can ever truly love someone else until they learn to love themselves. If you love yourself, you know that he's tearing you apart inside and that YOU need to break it off and try to regain your strength as an individual before it progresses any further. If you marry him, do you really want him to hit you for the rest of your life? And if you have children..do you want them to see him hit you or god forbid hit your children? I hate to sound like I'm preaching..b/c I"m not. I just want to share my perspective on this situation..possibly be of some help. I hope you realize the right thing to do. The answer is in your heart and you know what the right answer is or you wouldn't have posted your message. I hope you make the right decision, and remember to love yourself and don't let anyone make you feel badly about who you are. You only have one life..live it the way you know is right.

It seems like there is something really aggravating him and since all he ever does is play video games and I'm assuming work (he does not go out with his friends as you said), he has nothing to vent his frustration on besides you. I would strongly recommend trying to find out why he gets so angry. Just sit down on one of his good days and ask him if everything is ok. Talk with him and see if you can understand what is putting him in such a bad mood. Most guys do not like to talk about their situations, even more so if they have to make the first move and go to someone. Its a lot easier for guys to be approached.

He obviously still loves and cares for you as he is still with you and he apologizes after he does something wrong. The fact he has days when he is sweet with you is also a good sign.

Trying to make him happy and you looking good isn't really going to solve anything. It might work for a little while, but that's it. Something is causing him to treat you so poorly. Even if trying to make him happy succeeded, the cause of his problems would still exist, and they would probably resurfacd again. You must find out what is causing this behavior and then work on the situation from there.

I wish you the best of luck.
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