I am confused about my boyfriend -he hates me and he loves me. I AM DESPERATE!!! PLEASE HELP ANYONE!!
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. I am 29 and he will be 34 soon. I am desperate. We fight every week about the smallest insignificant things. But he always explodes and he hits me all the time. He has never hit me in the face but he hits my head and my body. I just don't understand. One day he hates me and the next day he says he acts like he loves me and says I am so sorry for hitting you.
He says he doesn't mean it but he just can not control his anger. I have been going through this for almost 6 years now. I love him with all my heart and I want to marry him. But it has been about 3-4 years now that he calls me names like moron, idiot and basically all the names in the book. He never initiates sex. I always have to. He never kisses me or touches me, why? I just don't understand.
He is in average looking guy. I always get all the attention when we are out in public. Men always try to approach me. I am a swimsuit Model and this makes it even harder for me because it seems that everyone wants me except my boyfriend. He never takes me out because he says that he hates the fact that men stare at me. I tell him that it should not matter because my eyes, love and heart are only for him.
It's really strange he shows me he really loves me but then he hits me all the time and he puts me down by calling me names. I have tried everything to keep this man happy but it seems that I am the only one trying. I am always in contact with him. He never goes out with his friends. He is always at home. He plays computer battle games everyday (he's addicted to these games).
It is so strange because I love him with all my heart and I want to make it work. But then I stop to think why do I love him so much? He treats me like crap. He is not romantic either. The first year was good he would initiate sex, he would foreplay and give me full body massages and he would also give me foreplay but after the first year it was all gone.
PLEASE HELP! I am going crazy! I just don't know who am I anymore. I used to be this confident girl and now my self esteem is to the ground. It is weird because I work out every day and I stay in shape for my career well now I do it for him. I am so focused to be perfect for him. since I've been with him I have changed everything to make me like me again. I changed my body type up and down from being the super skinny 100 pound model to the curve body type. Hair colors like crazy. Every where I go I get compliments but that just does not help at all. I feel down about myself now. My boyfriend has made me this insecure, low self esteem, mental girl now. My friends think I am this lucky girl that has it all. They tell me you are lucky you are so beautiful, you have a great body, nice car a great career. They tell me how lucky of me to be able to have or date anyone I want. But in reality they just don't know how unlucky I am and how unhappy I am. I would give up my looks, my money, my everything just to be happy with my boyfriend and to have happyness in life. I have begun to hate myself now...