I am 33 and my husband is 34. We have been married for a little over 2 years. It has been 19 months since we have had sex. I have tried to talk to him about it but he never says anything. I want answers and he says he doesn't have any. I don't think things will ever be the same again. I am at the point where I do feel awkward and uncomfortable about it if he would try. Now he is leaving next month for a year and a half to go overseas. I really don't know if we will ever have sex again.

I feel like I am going crazy! My husband, who is always loving and kind has never had a normal sex drive. We are lucky if we have sex once or twice a month. I am rejected just about every day. At first I tried making sure everything was perfect, including myself - such as being nice and positive. I also have tried seducing him. I take good care of myself and am in shape. He always tells me I am beautiful, but hardly ever shows and sexual affection towards me. When we do have sex most of the time it seems that he is "doing the deed" just to appease me - thus it is passionless. We have been married for almost three years and sex becomes less and less frequent. I have had past relationships were sex was amazing, so I really don't think this is a result of something I am doing. He refuses to get help from the doctor and blames it on having to work shift work and soemtimes long hours.
I say, what a load of crap! I go to school full time and work almost 40 hours a week and would still have sex every day if if he would be willing. I have confronted him numerous times because it makes me depressed.
I want to stay married but I am constantly having thoughts of what an affair would be like just to relieve some sexual tension! I am 24 and feel that I have many good years left and don't want to look back on my life regretting having settled for this type of life. It does help to know there are other women out there who are going through the same thing - although I wish none of us were. Of all things to be an issue in marriage, I never thought that my sex life would be one!

Im in same boat, im 30 boyfriend 33 been together 6 years, sex was never great but it was frequent enough with a bit of pushing on my side, since we moved in together nearly 2 years ago, its near on non existent. I have taken to writing down everytime we have had sex, it was working out for the last 7 months once every month and that was with me instigating it. I would hold off and hold off waiting for him to make the first move, and after a month I couldnt take much more and I would make the move. he always has an excuse, sore back, tired, moving house at the time, money worries anything.
I started thinking it was maybe my fault 2 kids later, saggy boobs, fat bum, then I thought no way mate Im not being the blame of this. thought he might be cheating but just dont know, I honestly think i had the chance to cheat then I will. even when we have sex he just lies there no kissing no cuddling totally as cold as ice, if i could read his mind im sure he would be saying I wish she would hurry up and get off me, cant go on much longer

My husband is the same he changed the minute i became pregnant with my daughter now 26. i tried to get him to the doctors but he said it was not a problem. we have sex about twice a year now. I made the decision to have sex with someone i met at work, the affair lasted 3 years and boy did i realise what i was missing. There was nothing wrong with me and that life was for living...I find it easier now im 50 and he is 52, but i hate him for what he has done to me. If you are young just get out of it and find someone who will be interested.
Or feel like me 30 years on. Some men think that when we have children we are like their mothers. They will look at porn and run you down so they dont make the effort. then you blame yourself....

I have a problem, 26 yrs of age. I have of what I took on a 'decent' guy of 34YR. How I prove myself wrong. I am stuck up here, friends downstairs and whilst I am working , he is sat tossing one out over me pc.

makes me feel unattractive, and I have even wondered briefly about having an affair just for sex. I love him and I know he loves me, and works so hard 60 hours a week, but the lack of sex has made me feel kind of lifeless and empty. We're older than you but both in good shape and dress up-to-date.
We have sex typicaly once, sometimes twice a month. I have actually just started to feel so dismissed and when we do it I feel sad like he is doing it to placate me. I've turned off my sexual interest as well.(never thought this day would ever come) no pun intended.
With my fist husband we had sex all the time but the rest of our relationship sucked, so now I am with a great looking guy who is built and we connect in so many ways, this has just become gee, not sure what to say.
I wish I had some advice for you. I've looked and looked for articles on this where the man is not interested but there is just not much out there. it's always the woman who is disinteresed We're in a lonely class.
Best regards to you.

Ladies,

Although I would agree with you that we are in a class of few, I would be willing to bet that most other aspects of your relationships are good.
I have been married for almost 18 years and have had a poor sexual relationship all of those years. The dry spells have just gotten longer and longer.
I used to think also that there must be something wrong with me. How could it be that I had great sex with other partners before this? The sex was fabulous but to be married to those men? I shudder the the thought!
My husband is not a sexual person. He is a very passionate person however. Marriage is so important that I have no fear that he would ever cheat on me or leave me.
He is a very committed husband and father. I know, it sure seems strange and perhaps not possible but it is so true. He takes care of us and I have no doubt that he loves me so much.
Sure, I dream of a marriage full of passion and lust for each other. But at this point I doubt that will ever happen.
Ladies, get your relationship some help if you don't want a passionless, sexless life.

I have gone without sex for three and a half years, we have been married for four years. We didn't even have sex on the honeymoon!!!Get him to talk to someone (Dr / Therapist) or you go alone to talk to someone - it's NOT your fault and DON'T change yourself for him. I am constantly being told that I am not thin enough, I'm out of shape, every excuse in the book as to why he won't show ANY affection to me. We didn't have sex when I was a size 6 so why should that matter now if I am a larger size?? I am now depressed and have gotten a cocktail of meds from my therapist, who I see alone because he won't go. He's busy w/ work but I work too.
I need to re-build myself, my worth, and self-confidence and then get the hell out of this relationship. With-holding Sex is just another way to control. Don't wait as long as I did - he has the issue - don't let his issue destroy you!

after all please do not go outside of the holy married vows you will break the covenant agreement between God and your husband there is help. try setting him down and express you feeling to him how this is affecting our marriage and read the word of
god to him lCorn. 7 and the husband body belong to the wife and also wife body belong to her husband. the Devil want to destroy this marriage but you have the Power to Pray to The true and Living God for restoration in this marriage, pray change this so try pray for the healing of him inside and out., something men keep thing that cause them to be depress or pressure in life ther is an answer to every thing. and also counseling is good godly couseling from your pastor, there is nothing too hard for God.

Your anger at the situation rings through loud and clear. You are being a bit unreasonable, as who would want sex with an angry person?
If he says he hasn't the enegy for it because he works shifts, then he's probably right and 1 to 2 contacts a month is not the abnormal. If you were both content with that you wouldn't be in this state.
The issue here is that you each want different things, both are right, but incompatible. It would help if each of you could develop a little empathy with the other and show more understanding. He's never going to meet your demands as they are!

I am going through the same thing. I've been married for 2 1/2 years and he's been telling me that he will go to a doctor since Feb03 and nothing yet. We have so many fights over it. It is crazy! In december we were in a such good time in our lives and then he travelled and after he came back we actually made love 5 times in Jan, and I thought thngs were looking good. Then we had a huge argument and things went back to the old times. When we sorted our problems out he promissed he was gonna go to the doctor and it has been 3 weeks. Nothing yet. He actually tried making love a few times, but I am tired of making love once and then having to wait another month. So when he asked, I said we will only make love again once he goes to the doctor. Now if he decides he is not gonna go, I will pack up my stuff and get out of this relationship. It is sad because I love him very much, but our relationship has worn out. We bought a house, we have a cat, we have everrything to be so happy and still I am not the same person I used to be b/f we got married. I want to be happy with him, but I don't know what to do. So many things have changed in 2 1/2 years. It is so hard to explain, sometimes I think that we would be better staying friends. I don't know.