I don't see how a small collection of porn and downloaded images is addiction? Could your man possibly be trying to arouse his sexuality? I think something may be stressing him out and that he can not function sexually like he used to. Also, he's most likely hiding the porn because he though you would react strongly. And it appears you have, immediately you think he is addicted. Shy, embarrassed, scared of how you may judge him . . . but not addicted. Ask him about the sex. Let him know you miss it and would prefer watching the videos with him instead of not having him be with you intimately. If he can't share his sexual fantasies (porn) with you is it no wonder he isn't able to have sex with you?

Thank you for your posting, there are many others in the same boat, who also do not know what to do.
First you need time to clear your head and sort out your feelings, write them down if that helps. You are going to have to talk to him, and getting the feelings identified will help you stay calm and objective when you do that.
Secondly think about your relationship prior to your discovery. Remember the things that haven't added up, the obvious lies that you have allowed to pass, and think about why you didn't challenge this sooner. He has not been 100% in the relationship for a while, and you have accepted that. Ask yourself why, as the answers to these two points are important in how you think about going forward, either with this relationship, or any future one you may have.
When you talk to him, don't attack or criticise, but ask for clarification, explanations, how he has been feeling and what it is all about. These answers will help you decide what to do, and if you get emotional, which would be very natural, he may avoid answering.
Once you have opened the conversation, you can work out together what the future is to be. If he is addicted, and it seems he may be, then there is plenty of help for those who are willing to take it.
You both will need to see a therapist, and the relationship will need couple therapy as there are a lot of issues to be addressed.
You can read a bit more about Sex Addiction and its treatment on the web site.

Is this healthy for one's lifestyle, is it normal? do i just accept the fact that he would rather use porn to get off than with me? or should i confront him about all that i have found? i don't get why one would rather have sex alone than with the one he loves, what could this mean? i came across a letter from an ex years ago and it said she had the same problems as i am having with the porn issue.

I can't write much as I'm not alone in the house. I have been with a man over 2 years. We have lived together about 14 Months. We've had sex once, that was 20 months ago. At first I pleasured him orally hoping to encourage him to make love to me but he didn't even reciprocate mutual masturbation. This went on for about 10 months, I told him during an argument it was mking me feel bad. He stopped instigating oral/masturabtion of him and said he wanted to make love to me. This hasn't happened so now we have absolutely no intimacy at all. He has several pornographic videos and a magazine delivered each Month. I've known this for over a year. What the Hell is going on, why doessn't he want me?

I recommend you read up on Sex Addiction. He sounds sexually addicted. There are plenty of web sites where you can read up on this problem, including here. Good books on sexual addiction can be found at www.amazon.com.You can buy them used for just a little money.
Sex addicition is serious and you cannot make him better. It takes professional therapy and sometimes years to correct the problem, if ever. He will only continue to get worse. Most likely he will not admit what he's doing or that there's a problem.
Sex addicts use sex to ease internal pain, and I'm sure he's been this way for along time, since he seems to have progressed pretty far. He had it with his other girlfriend before you came along. good luck.

I'm a guy whose wife never wanted to have sex. I started with porn as a outlet a few years ago. I would love to have sex with her if she wanted. Anyway, we're separated now and I have a girlfriend. I have had to learn to slow down on the porn to be able to have good sex with her. I only see her about once/week right now, but I need to do something every day, so I have to plan ahead a little. In general (for me at least) a guy needs to cum every day or two. If he prefer porn over sex, thats a problem with him. I would confront him and give him an ultimatim. I mean gosh, a girl really should be able to have sex whenever she wants. Its almost hard for me to beleive a guy wouldnt want to, but then again, some dudes are messed up.

I agree, most guys would want to cum everyday, who wouldn't right... ?? I have confronted him a couple times, but he lies and said he hasn't or that he does not have a problem. But there is numerous amounts of evidence that he has. I just don't get it, maybe if i could understand why he is so interested in sex, i wouldn't mind so much. I would give it to him everyday if i could, but he doesn't ever try. if we do have sex its because i initiate. Being a guy, why do u think he would prefer porn, or enjoys it so much?

I confronted my partner this week. I love him so much and felt/feel so desperate to sort it out before I end up going insane and have to leave. He lied to me outright. I approached the fact, again as I have in the past, that it really isn't normal to not have sex at all and that I thought he was using pornography to get off?? (I actually have known for over a year what he's doing).

I was calm and just said I wanted to talk it over, I thought he would be relieved to confess and we could work it out together. Instead, he totally denied it was happening at all and said he hasn't masturbated for Months. I'm astounded and worried also that he could lie as well and as easily as he did to my face and actually look me in the eye. If I hadn't had evidence I'd have thought I'd made a mistake!

He said it was because he couldn't get it up and I should be understanding with him and patient, as he would be if it was me with a problem!! I know he can get it up fine and always could but he only ever wanted me to masturbate him or give him oral which was weird? That was the honeymoon days and he never gave anything back in terms of mutual masturbation apart from once or twice in that initial mad, love period of a relationship.

Then he stopped initiating the oral and masturbation and doesn't want to have any sexual connection at all where I'm concerned, baths together or anything intimate. Two years is too much for patience without explanation as to when this will get better and anyway, what about viagra if it was a simple as that? You'd think he was giving me the signals that he wanted to end the relationship but he asked me to marry him. I thought it meant, he'd worked out his problems but no, he's still getting the pornography and staying clear from me 4 Months later.

I know where it's hidden and the tell, tell signs he's been maturbating. After he lied so convincingly I feel like throwing the stuff in his face and see what he says then. I'm not confrontational like that and the problem is even worse now because not only is there the issue of the no sex and pornography *but* now the knowing how easily he lies, I wonder if there's not someone else too, that he has some sort of sexual arrangement with ... and what else he lies about and if I could/should ever trust him?

I hope I do get the determintaion enough together to find somewhere to live because it is mental torture and when I leave, I'll leave the engagement ring with his porn :o(

Two years sounds like too long. I think your man's just making excuses. The way I see it, his weenie's fine and dandy where porn is concerned. It's sad, really...
Man, he sounds jaded.
Mental torture--so does this, or has it ever kept you awake at night?

Kept me awake!! That's an understatement, I have so many bad nights, I have bags now. I even wake up thinking about it, so I must think about it in my sleep!

I'm now keeping tabs, which means I know he's masturbated today. I'm using the hair across the drawer trick would you believe but least I can get an idea of frequency. It sounds utterly obsessive but the thing is, I really do need to know now, instead of burying my head in the sand for what another 6 months, year, 18 months?!

We talked 3 times last week about the no sex problem, he told me I'm making it worse by bringing it up and he's trying! How??? By mastubating to pictures and DVD's 24 hours later? Remember, he doesn't know I know it actually exists and is holding out that I have no proof so he can keep lying.

How he could say he hadn't masurbated for Months, God help me and I more or less said nothing for over a year, he's really got a problem. I don't need anyone to tell me but I do need to get it out of my system. My Mum suggested I see a sex therapist but like I said to her, I don't have a problem with sex, except not getting any!

I'd just masturbate all the time myself, I do have to several times a week but I find the masturbation ultimately frustrating when that's all you're reliant on and I always end up thinking of him and then angry afterwards that I couldn't conjur up some adonis and get him out of my head sexually. It's not fair, I desparately want him and he just wants to be aroused by other women!!

I could so easily be unfaithful to him, I know I'm not unattractive, even though I feel like it around him. I have a good job, I'm generous and I loved him to bits in the past but this is all making me cold towards him I admit, that in turn makes it worse because he says now, I'm unaffectionate, another excuse. The trouble is, I get aroused when we cuddle, he doesn't, I'm like his Mum, he did say once, making love to me would be like having sex with his Mum.

I've turned two men down in the last 5 months, I must be nuts really. No, I'm still in-love but I realise I'll go insane if this doesn't change in weeks now, it's so badly affecting how I am and behave and feel. Yep, it's sad alright.

I know exactly how you feel, I have been dating for 2 years and he appears to have gone off sex with me, today I am ending it !!
We have sex if I pursue it every 10 days roughly, I have a high sex drive, he used to when we first met, but it petered off after 3 months or so.
He makes me feel worthless, unattractive. I know he uses porn and still looks at other women in the street, he won't talk about problems says he has put on too much weight thats why, but I say thats rubbish.
I give up with men and their sexuality !!