I'm sure that this is the case with many relationships, straight or gay. iIt is similar to the problem dated 3/16 about the 27 year old male in a two year relationship with another male. Their sex life seems to have deteriorated in the past year.
I am in a gay, monogamous 15 year relationship. I am 37 and he is 42. Our sex life in the begining was incredible. He was the first man I topped and we had sex quite often. In time it seems that the roles have reversed in the bedroom and I am now mostly at the receiving side of things. I have no problem with that. I am someone who likes variety and have introduced a small amount of toys into our sex life. I am always a little embarassed to ask him to use them on me so they are used very infrequently.
About 3 years ago his mother passed away and it was very hard on him. At that time sex became less frequent. I decided that it wasn't the right time to bring up the subject because previously when I would bring it up he would get upset and claim that he couldn't just turn it on. We went from having sex 2-3 times a week to once a month.
Now it has been almost two months since we have had sex. I have a collection of porn that I use to take care of needs when he is not around. He has told me in the past that he really doesn't like watching porn, yet, I know he does because there are tell-tale signs that he has watched it and masturbated to them. i don't care if he watches porn. Just not as a replacement of having sex with me.
Like the 27 year old's partner, my partner lavishes me with touches, caresses, loving words and snuggles, but that is it! Most of the time I am the one who initiates sex and there have been many times that I have been turned down.
I am having a problem in bringing up the subject again because I have brought it up many times and there never seems to be follow through, on his part, on the solutions we have discussed.
I love him deeply and we own property together and I have invested much of my life to this man. He is the one I want to grow old with but I don't want to became a stale couple. I am a very sexual person and do not have a low self esteem. I just hate being the one who always brings up the subject. I am about to burst with the frustration that is building up inside. Any feedback?