I am in medical school and we were just lectured today by a psychiatrist on sexual disorders. He said that the drug that most psychiatrists use to help thost that want to decrease their libido, especially in those that find themselves aroused at the sight of children, is depo provera. He didn't into detail about it, or about the side effects to men, but it does work. I don't know if most doctors would give a man a prescription for it.

Im in a reverse of that situation. My wife is on Depo and has completely lost her libido, and I must confess to coping and not coping with it in exactly the same way as the previous gentleman. I don't want to lose my wife either, and we only recently discovered that Depo may be what has caused her loss of libido (and an apparently associated painful feeling during sex). I'm considering having my sperm frozen and then getting a vasectomy, while she is trying to figure out the best way to get off Depo. Aint the need for sex a bitch?

I am in a similar situation. My wife and I have been married less than a year and we have decided to stop her Depo injections. We have been together for about 6 years and after 2 years her sex drive dissipated. After another year it was pretty much gone. I was 22 and she was 21 at this point. I started believing it was my fault and thinking as we got in a more stable situation things would get better. They didn't. I would think, it's all the stress of her job, school, or the wedding planning. Every time we passed a barrier I would invent another reason why she didn't want to have sex. About a year ago sex began to be very painful for her. I asked my wife to talk to her doctor. The doctor told her she just needed to try and have sex more often. This was very difficult and painful for her, and didn’t help at all. After we got married I could not find any more reasons for her to not want to have sex (which she agreed with) and started doing some research of my own. I sent her back to the doctor to discuss stopping the Depo. The doctor asked how often we had sex (1-2 times a month) and was very surprised (early 20’s newly wed’s and all). She prescribed testosterone for her. Four more months went by with no results. The doctor still thinks she doesn’t need to stop the Depo! I decided this doctor was an idiot, talked to my wife, and we chose not to continue the injections. Her last shot will wear off in about a month. I just hope it doesn’t take another year for her to feel normal again.

Depo-Provera is deadly to relationships. It’s got to be the best birth control ever, after all, how can you get pregnant when you never have sex. While I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize my relationship with my wife, I was still VERY frustrated. What made it the hardest was feeling as though I was somehow the cause.

I know how you feel. I am 22 and have completely lost my sex drive. I've been on depo for 3 years and I am just now making the connection. Even when I physically want to be intimate with my husband, mentally I don't want to, or vice versa. Not only does depo drastically decrease a woman's libido it also damages the bone.

Depo Provera IS used to chemically castrate sex offenders (as the ACLU in the USA have been drawing attention to). Due to the inhibiting effect of female sex hormones, men taking these will normally feel a reduction in libido. However, perhaps better idea might be an anti-androgen such as Cyproterone Acetate, which is used to good effect in reducing testosterone levels, with the resulting loss of libido (though not entirely). That's the generic term, obviously, but the most accesible manafactured brand is Androcur. A talk with your doctor would be a good idea to see if this might help alleviate your problem, and to make you aware of the risks involved.

Is there really no safe, reliable way of reducing libido with drugs. I would be very interested to find out.
I have a similar problem and would like to temporarily control my libido so that I can concentrate on "less intense" forms of physical contact with my partner without my desires/urges getting in the way and making her feel guilty.

Depo-Provera (medroxyprogesterone acetate)is the drug used to treat sexual offenders in injectable form and is the drug/hormone I was considering using. I guess I need to weigh the unpleasant side effects versus possibly ruining my marriage. Depo-Provera, in injectable form, is available over the internet. The dosage is 100 to 500 milligrams (average 300 mg), given as a weekly injection. The reported side effects are weight gain, lethargy, shrinking of testes and the prostate. It is said to reduce or eliminate sexual fantasies, and given at the weekly rate, eliminate erectile and ejactulatory function. Do you know of other long-term side effects? I have heard of breast development in men, but it is not identified as a normal side effect.

I have been on both Depo Provera and Androcur for several years to deal with my wife's lack of sex drive.

First of all, chemical castration is fantastic. Once your sex drive is gone, you quickly forget what all the fuss was about, and the reduction in sexual thoughts is like adding an extra two hours to your day.

Andocur is easier, and more effective, than Depo Provera. Just add 50mg a day to your diet, take it with your vitamins, don't even think about it. It may take about three weeks for it to kick in, and it does so gradually, so you probably won't even notice. You just all the sudden realize one day, "Wow, I haven't thougth about sex for days".

If anyone is suffering from libido problems, i wouldn't hesitate to recommend Androcur. My cock is now limp 24/7 but I've never been happier.

Is Androcur a prescription medication? If not, do local pharmacies usually have it? Do you know of any studies done that show potential side effects and their prevalance?

please help! im am a 29 year old male who has never had a girl freind. i have been told that i look normal, but it just seems that i live in a parrallel universe where i can see women but never in a situation where it is apropriat or possible to have normal interactions with them. I have tried and tried but even simple hellos and normal greetings are met with dirty looks, hostility and just plain ignored. I have resorted to prostitutes to ocasionaly have sex but needless to say that is extremely risky and expensive. I am sick of wanting something that i can never have, something so close yet utterly untouchable, i just want to be free, and be left alone and not feared or despised just because i am a normal male who wants normal female companionship, sex shouldnt be about skills, games or style or whats cool in mtv it should be just natural on the table above the board adult to adult interaction, but it just seems so steeped in artifice and pretence that i dont even know where to begin. so it leaves me at the end of my rope, im tired and i just want to be free of something i can never satisfy.

I am 50, also suffering the effects of my wife's loss of desire, the last year it has gotten worse. I've been a three times a day guy since marriage (if it was OK with her) and she is now down to about 3 times a month that she will climax. Suppression is just about killing me, depression's coming on. I clearly remember the good times we had in the past years and she thinks it's time I acted my age. I give up trying to do all the things she says to do so that she can feel loved and close to me and then sex will be OK again..Every time I make a goal, she moves the goalpost. I'm looking for something I can take to knock out the sex drive; doesn't appear she's going to change. I see some discussion on this here-wondering, if you quit taking this stuff, do you get back to normal?

I am reading these posts and I can't believe that all you guys are willing to take a drug to reduce your sex drive to match your wife's lack of sex drive. If she really loves you she will make sure she satisfies your sexual needs. I think you are living with oneway love. The fact that SHE dosen't want sex and doesn't care what you want leads me to believe that she doesn't love you back.
I know if the situation was reversed and I didn't want or was unable to perform the sex act but my wife needed or wanted sex, I would satisfy her with my hands, tongue, or a vibrator. I would make sure she was satisfied.
You guys should rethink what you are giving up!
I say have a long talk with her explaining your needs and if she won't work with you have an affair!

Let me give you some free advice about women as I have been married to the same person for 30 years.

Have you ever noticed that women are never attracted to "the nice guy" ? They always seem to be with a guy that bosses her around and treats her like dirt and she stays with him, WHY? It is because they want to be told what to do and when to do it. If you try to be a super nice conciderate guy to a woman she will see you as a whimp, woman are not turned on by a whimp!
When I go to bed and start to initiate sex my wife says " I am really not in the mood" and I say "well I am" and I just take her.
5 miniutes of kissing and caressing her she is hot and breathing hard. When I am DONE with her she is a Limp sweat ball, then I kiss her and she goes to sleep. Now this same women if I waited for her to say "honey, can we make love?" (would be music to my ears!) I would be having sex once every 6 months. You see, men have their sex motors running 24/7 but a women's sex motor is off and you must start that motor and then she will have a desire for sex.
I am not sure if the spots are the same for all women, but for my wife, a lingering kiss, a little tongue and caressing the back of her neck is a good motor starter. Rubbing her feet is a good motor starter also. It is best if you start her motor earlier in the day so the motor is hot at bed time. Like in the morning and your leaving for work instead in a quick peck on the lips, you do the long lingering kiss (motor started!).
Don't be a super nice guy (whimp).

I read your post and naturally became very upset at it. It is because they want to be told what to do and when to do it.

And then I read the rest of your post and I have to completely agree with you, WOMEN DO NOT WANT WIMPS!

Now...my problem,

I am 41 years old, I have been married for 23 years, for the past 5 years my husband is no longer interested in sex, we have not had sex in 5 years. He is impotent and has tried viagra and other meds, they don't work. We don't have insurance that will cover extensive therapys or anything to help us/him in a medical sense.

Discussing the matter with him causes him deep depression and stress, not discussing it and not having "it" causes me deep depression and stress. After 5 years of nothingness, it does seem to be quite a hopeless case as we no longer kiss, touch or even speak. I hate making him feel miserable because he has always been there for me, so I leave him alone and smile whenever he comes around, but that is the extent of our existence together.

Now the question I ponder everyday, is do I want to continue in my 23 year marriage at the age of 41 with the understanding that I will never be touched again, that I will never be kissed again, that I will never make love again.

I tell people that our relationship is that of brother and sister, because we live together, we respect each other, we talk and we laugh as friends would, when we do talk. (I can't say we live as friends because friends confide in each other and we have lost that ability)

I cannot in all honesty say I still love him, because it's just been too long since he has held or kissed me. ***NOTE TO MEN*** It's not just about sex, women desire romance hugs and kisses more than sex, sex is just the icing on the cake! :)

Therapy I do not believe is the answer, because he is impotent, no ammount of talking is going to fix that problem and will only make him feel even more miserable. Pleasing myself through masterbation is not the answer, I have tried it and it makes me feel even more dipressed afterwards, it's a temporary fix for my physical needs, but leaves me emotionally empty.

I want to begin my life over in a year, get a divorce and be on my own, I have been married since I was 17. But I don't see this happening, I see my life as forced celibacy living with someone who is less than a friend....I can't get divorced yet as I have no job and am financially independent on him. I think we should both begin our lives over again.

I have read the above comments on Depo Provera, ironically I came across this site looking for a way to end my romantic thoughts and desire for sex....and yes, my desire to be loved.

It's funny, I got married at 17, not because I had to, I was a virgin bride, but because I never wanted to be lonely in my life. 23 years later, lonliness is all I know.

I'm going to look into Depo Provera, I have never been on contraceptives in my life (we used other methods) Hopefully, Depo will fix all my illusions of romantic happiness. I cannot believe I actually WANT to be an ice queen, but it's for the best.

I'm glad this site exists.

I am glad you agree with me and I am sorry for my poor choice of words.
please realize that my post is guy talk (vocabulary challanged)!
I love woman and really respect them.

Your problem is so sad.
I don't understand, can't your husband still completely satisfy you by hugs,kisses,caressing and oral sex?

I will tell you that for me 75% of my pleasure is bringing my wife to orgasm. To me there is nothing more stimulating than hearing my wife moaning from having a orgasm. Maybe all men don't feel that way but maybe your husband would. Have you told him that you would like him to satisfy you sexually and penatration is not needed?

Even though his penis won't get hard, can't you satisfy him orally?

If your husband dosen't care enough about you to take care of your needs then I say get a lover on the side to do it.

I am glad you agree with me and I am sorry for my poor choice of words.***

It's ok, your choice of words were quite well put, another man who used similar words was Rhett Butler when he told Scarlett O'hara, "You should be kissed and kissed often! And by someone that knows how!"

Maybe all men don't feel that way but maybe your husband would. Have you told him that you would like him to satisfy you sexually and penatration is not needed? Even though his penis won't get hard, can't you satisfy him orally? If your husband dosen't care enough about you to take care of your needs then I say get a lover on the side to do it.

No, all men don't feel that way, most men it appears have this huge ego which must be satisfied knowing they were able to satisfy a woman's sexual needs. It's like telling a man, "A single rose means more to me than a dozen" and yet he continually purchases the most extravagant bunch just to please you.

We tried finger sex for 3 years, and then quite honestly he became lazy and stopped washing his hands and cutting his nails and I got a very severe infection, so we no longer do this, it was simply too painful. I was in bed a week with fevers and chills. He isn't an unclean person, he just suddenly became lazy, and in a sense I guess he told me without telling me that he didn't want to do this for me anymore.

Regarding oral, any attempt at petting or kissing leaves him very depressed, because he will make an attempt to penetrate me, and of course nothing happens, I don't say anything. Anything I could say would only make him feel worse. Finally, I have decided it's best to not even approach the subject, his depression that always follows simply isn't worth it.

After five years of forced abstinance, it's getting pretty old being married to someone you consider to be less than a friend. At night, we sleep like sardines, with his head to my feet and vice versa, this way my body won't yearn for him, and he won't feel as though he has to interact with me. And we sleep, and I cry. Every night.

In so far as a lover goes, I won't ever get one, not until I am divorced, I did met a man online around New Years, and he was very kind to me, he felt my pain and allowed me to feel loved and appreciated. We messengered every single day since New Years, and we have never met because he's from another country. But recently he has decided to move on with his life.

It's funny, when I met this man, my body felt as though it were dying. I am 41 and I felt as though I were going through early menupause. Then after he read a very depressing journal entry in my blog, he spoke to me, he made me laugh, he even wanted to come to the US after I divorced my husband so that we could marry, and or just live together. I was never happier, even though I knew it was more fantasy than reality. The attention he gave me helped me to be nice to my husband, because we had begun to have very ugly fights over the simpliest things, when this man began speaking to me, our fights ended, but then so did other conversations. We simply had nothing to speak about aside from bills.

When my cyber boyfriend left me my body automatically went into this horrible buzzy feeling, and I can't seem to stop it, evey single love song makes me cry, I can't watch TV because seeing a man and woman together, kissing and hugging makes me cry. I can't do much of anything without crying, I cry when I shower and when I drive, and so...the Depo Provera comes into the picture...problem is how to get it as I have no money of my own. All of these issues I'm going through I had before I met him, he made them go away, and now that he's gone, they have returned.

I wish things could be as they once were for my husband and I, but it's been such a long time.

I wish my cyber boyfriend would come back to me, but people move on, and I never really knew him anyway.

I hope I get divorced next year and I can begin my life over again.

But for now, I have to find a way to stop these ridiculous tears, and this desire to be and feel loved.

Thanks for your understanding.