My husband and I dated for five and a half years; we did not have a sexual relationship other than petting (more than I was comfortable with). I eventually trusted him enough to let him in on secrets from my past which have made sex less than my friend. He ASSURED me that nothing abnormal or hurtful would become of our sex life after we married.
He changed on the wedding night. Not only did he lie about what the bridal suite would look like, he lied about how he would "love" me on our wedding night. He pounced on me and would not stop when I told him he was hurting me. The honeymoon he promised did not materialize and I was not allowed out of the house while he went out doing things with his kids. I was allowed to go to work, but on days off, I was expected to spend my time in bed with him. I stopped doing all the things in life that gave me pleasure because it made him so angry. After 1 1/2 years of feeling like a bug in an airtight jar, I have now been separated for 3 months. I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist to deal with my own issues.
He has read some self-help books and thinks I just need to move back to him and all will be fine. He does not think he has any deep seated issues that caused him to behave the way he did, and he frankly does not feel that it was a very big deal.
By the time I left, I was depressed, anxious, afraid to move for fear of his anger, and I had somehow formulated the perfect suicide that would have looked like an accident. That person is not even remotely the person I was pre-marriage. How do I convince him that he too needs professional help, and that rushing into moving back together could seriouly jeopardize my health is not my life?