Hey i have been with my boyfriend for three years now .... When we first met he was always with his best friend all day and all night and his best friend is gay i thought nothing of it as he has previously been married and has childeren. But he was always on the phone to his best mate if they wernt together.. i started to get annoyed and bothred with it but when i spoke up he was angry at me or he would yell to change the subject.He would go away and spend weekends away with his best friend .. he was always his first priority. my friends and family all said i think ya boyfriends gay i didnt want to believe it .. He has always dressed well and is very clean . It wasnt until i found he had written down a password and details of a gay dating site he had joined and it wasnt just the one it ended out he was on all of them . when i confronted him he said i was just playing around.. i was sick when i found that out i went straight to the docter and orded a hiv test .. it was ok tho i hadnt caught anything...he tried to hide it for a long time by becoming aggressive to me when i would say anything . i fell in love with him as he is a charmer ..So i straight out said to him i love you no matter what just dont lie to me .. so he said he had slept with men before but he would not go into it any further. over time he made up this fantasy of him and i having a threesome with him and another man.. saying it was his fantasy ...but he actually wants another bi man ... and now three years lator his urge to be with men is worse by the minute he is always on the dating sites and msn to guys .. his fantasy is all about men now :( so i feel i am his girlfriend in public but behind doors its a man he should be with .. he fantasises about men . he wants to get married and have all men in tight jeans around ??? unfortunatlty this has just gotten to much for me ... so i dont know how bi/ straight guys think.... but the gay friends tend to hate the girlfriends and stick the claws into us ... its so hard and i know what you girls are feeling it tears your heart apart :( but what i do know is there is a world of guys out there looking for us chicks and that can make us the number 1 not the gay friends lol...good luck girls we need it

I can offer no constructive advice but to say I am in the same situation and understand how you feel. I have trawled the internet looking for some elusive help but to no avail.

I have been with my boyfriend for over three years, two years before this we were best friends. I have always been aware of his bisexuality, in fact when we first started dating I was keen and did do things with another man with him because I am pretty open minded (I thought). However, an incident occurred where I walked in on him with a mutual (male) friend of ours and since then I have been immensely confused.

Several months following this I caught him on mirc talking dirty to men and perhaps stupidly took a harm minimization approach in response. I care deeply for him and although hurt by him cheating on me I did not want to push him away or deny his feelings and felt this was the most 'appropriate' avenue for him to express himself. He believes he is bisexual and his feelings towards men are purely sexual. He says that he loves me.

Recently after reading his emails and totally invading his privacy, I discovered he had joined some gay dating sites and had posted a public message stating his house was going to be empty (at a time I was away) and he was seeking someone to come over and do whatever. IT HURTS. I truly never minded the way he feels about men but as time goes on and I discover more and more I see myself becoming homophobic (which I never was) and incredibly bitter. h
He lies about it all 'I dont remember cheating on you' 'oh that message was nothing' 'oh I was just getting a cheap thrill' then I do deceptive things like hack into his email account. Reading all over the internet that bisexuality is a farce obviously does not comfort me in any way.
I feel for him greatly because he is obviously confused and I do not mean that in a patronizing way. I feel like I am being taken for a ride and wearing a problem that does not belong to me. As much as I try to be supportive and open with him, I am so angry. I don't know what to do anymore beyond leaving him - the best friend that I love more than the world. Who knows.

I dated a guy for three months.. we had a perfectly happy and healthy relationship. We were both equally into one another, put equal effort in our relationship and were very compatible. One day, completely unexpectedly, he walked out on me. There was no pattern in our relationship indicating that things were going wrong. In fact, we were in a peak in our relationship and very happy together. He blamed it on our religious differences. I don't buy it. I feel that there was a strong underlying reason... a strong part of me thinks he was gay.

He was very gentle, sweet and caring... cooked for me.. did dishes. He was a med student working 100+ hours a week but would still find the time to hit the gym 5x a week, and had a great bod. But he gave me subtle hints for instance he would often make comments about gay people and send me text messages with gay jokes and riddles. One of his roommates was gay, or i think he was because he worked as a gay bar as a bartender part-time and hated me! Every time my bf was with me he would call and wake us up first thing in the morning and my bf would try and cover for him stating that he 'worries about him'. His lesbian roomie used to call him his 'non boyfriend'.

He used to wear size 'small' shirts not that he was a big guy but shirts were so tight that i wondered how he would breathe in them. He would take me to flower 'cherry blossom' shows, used more girly moisturizers and shampoos, used to cuddle frequently and often asked me if i thought he was 'cute and cuddly'. He once indicated to me that he had taken tango and salsa dances with one of his male friends in the past and wanted to take them with me. Sometimes he went to gay bars to study... what normal straight guy goes to gay bars to study???

His family was very conservative and religious so obviously this is not something that he could go comfortable about. Our relationship was healthy, we never slept together but were physically very close but i can remember him having an erection only once. I just don't think any normal guy would walk out one day like this based on religious reasons considering that he wasn't even that religious! Am I thinking right?

I have known my boyfriend for 5 years, before me he had never slept with a woman, only men.
He says he loves me, and through those 5 years, doesn't need to prove it anymore, but some of my friends - smme which are gay - say that he still isn't clear with his sexual orientation and may one day leave me for a man.
I confronted him with this since he had admitted to sexual relationships with men, and he replied "been there, done that, through with it", that he loved only me and that men were out of the picture.

Perhaps this is stupid, but how can I know? Can a man who has had sexual relations with other men change and be attracted to women afterwards for the rest of their lives? Or can this be only peer pressure and the want for "normality" (I know the word is badly chosen, don't mean to offend)

I really love him and have already been through alot of loss in my life (men aside) and I just couldn't take the fact that one day he may realize that I just don't satisfy him any longer.

If any one can help, please do. Thanxs

I share your concerns about his gay friends, what are the chances that two friends in a row are both gay, and whats with the holiday with the friend? If this guy appreciates you and your concerns he would not do this, the question of his sexuality comes after, that he chooses to go on holiday with a gay buddy instead of you!
Like you I have doubts about my boyfriend as well, it seems all his friends are gay, his best friend, his casual friends and his confidante are all gay! He uses more moisturizer than me, he wears tight pants and much too fashionable for a straight guy, but he is great in bed, does and says all the right things. Should I let the fact that his friends are gay determine his sexuality? All I know is im not falling for him cause i dont want to get hurt!

If his bestfriend is rude to you chances are he is threated by you becouse he is in love with your boyfriend. Birds of a feather stick together. Same thing happened to me. My boyfriends "friend" wouldn't speak to me. I really gave me a strange feeling about him. I knew that there was something wrong with him. The next guy I meet if his best friend is gay or threatened by me, I will run for the hills.

My boyfriend of 6 months has been honest with me from the start. He is 20 years older than me at 49 and whilst his relationship history has been solely with women, his sexual history includes several (about 7) drunken encounters with men, including full sex, BJs, tranvestitism, etc etc. He says he is not bi-sexual and that these were purely drunken, exploring, almost self-destructive acts involving no intimacy or feelings on his part. I know I shouldnt but i cant help feeling bothered by this side of his past. I am trying to accept him for who he is and accept that no-one is purely hetero but I am scared that i will not be enough for him longterm, and that actually part of him does fancy other men (which is obviously a need that i cannot fulfil). What does anyone else think? Would i be naive to think that he is telling me the truth and doesnt secretly crave gay further experiences? Would other women be able to handle having a boyfriend with a similar sexual history?

My boyfriend has a very caring nature, and just from a superficial stand point, he is all man. Tall, deep voice, hangs out and drinks beer with his firends, and is outright addicted to porn, which is a little on the wild side, but seems pretty heterosexual from what i've seen.

So what do I have to worry about then? Well, the first thing I want to say is that I love him very much, and he has been nothing but faithful and loving to me since we started going out 2 1/2 years ago. But he has this friend that he has been hanging out with latley, who has never said he was gay himself, but my BF always says otherwise. They act like a married couple around each other too, finishing each others sentences, bickering like a couple over trivial things, and practically flirting with each other; and when I am with my boyfriend he just goes on and on about this guy,its embarrassing.

To be honest, this friendship wouldn't not have my mind all in a frenzy if it weren't for other personal issues with our sex life. I would be embarrassed to go into any detail, but my BF wants things that conflict with my ethical values, and outright associated with homosexuals.

One time my boyfriends sincerely asked me if I would still stay with him if he was bisexual. Why does it matter?! I wanted to cry right there. I have nothing against gay people, but its comments like this that fill me with jealousy and feelings of betrayal. To be honest I never even asked him if he was gay!

So if he was gay, shouldn't I have the right to be mad and dislike him. He is with me, I am a women. If he is gay it is taking away from what we have. It makes me wonder if it is me that makes him look away from women. The whole idea is devastating for me. I need to find some peace of mind. Any suggestions......

I have a great boyfriend who I've been with for 4 months and I love him but I think he is gay. If you love him then stay with him, you never know. Listen to your heart not to your friends.

I am going out of my mind with worry on this subject. I am a girl and have been in a relationship with a guy for 3 and a half years. We have had lots of ups and downs mainly due to my insecurities, unrelated to the gay issue.

He said something the other day that has upset me so much, he asked me what I would say if I knew that he had done something sexually with another man in the past. He is a very jokey, fun loving guy, and following me bursting into tears he told me he was joking and told me I was stupid to get so upset over a joke. I asked him straight out if he has had a sexual experience with another guy and turned his nose up and said no.

He makes quite a few references about gay things, mainly always in a jokey sense, but I have no evidence that he actually is. People often think he is as he does have a feminine voice and a very caring nature that one may associate with a gay person. That always unnerves me. He also once got chatted up by a guy when I was there in a pub. I ran to the toilet as I was quite upset, and he got quite angry that I had left him with the gay guy. I thought that was a good sign, but maybe it means something else, I am analysing so much.

I have found porn but it is not gay, and any history/records he has on his pc don't contain anything to do with gay 'things'.

He has plenty of girlfriends in the past, none of them lasted long. He is in his early forties, and I am in my twenties, and I consider us very compatible, we have so much in common. I would be heartbroken to have to end this relationship, I can't bear thinking about it.

I was so upset, yet he didn't see why, he just told me off for being stupid, and expected me to laugh along with the joke.

I don't know what to think, I really don't. There is times when I really don't think he is gay, but other times wonder why he comes out with the weird stuff that he does.

Has anybody been in the same situation? I really need some help. Thanks

Listen, you know that his gay friend is not the only problem in your relationship it's the final straw. Think about all the things that lead up to this problem. Has he always valued other men or women, more than he values you. He is only going to keep doing things that he thinks he can get away with until you let him know that your not about to be there when he is though hanging out with his friend.

GOD BLESS!
From xxx

I think the fact that he chooses to take a holiday with his male friend rather than with you says it all!