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20+ years of Sexual Frustration - Vagina muscle tone

Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 15/03/2005 - 06:04. Sex Problems for Women

I've been married for 24 years to the same woman. In my head the only thing that keeps this from being a total perfect marriage is that Sex is so incredibly Frustrating. Why? Because her vagina is very loose. I was not a guy who had been with lots of women. My wife was my 2nd sexual partner. The first girl I had sex with was not a virgin and sex with her was very stimulating, her vagina provided me with enough friction for it to be satisfying. My wife had a number of other sexual parners and when we got together it was fun because neither one of us had , had sex in a very long time (years). About the 3rd time we had sex together I started having a great deal of difficulty cumming in her. I would penetrate her for a significant amount of time but just could not get enough stimulation/friction that I couldn't finish the act and would finally just give up.

After we got married this kind of thing occured in a consistent manner. I made excuses about being tired, and stressed and other things but I just could not feel her. She led me to believe that it was a natural thing but when I got to talking to other friends I knew this was not the case. While there wives were not virgin tight, they were firm enough where the man could achieve a climax. When I enter my wife I don't feel much of anything. I had an affair years ago (17 years ago) and sex was incridible. I left my wife and moved in with this Other Woman and we had sex 3 times a day the majority of the times we were together. This Other Woman performed Oral Sex on me regularly and this was also fantastic. But I just could not leave my wife so I gave up the foolishness and went back to her.

I have tried a 2nd circumcision because the Uro Dr said it would achieve a Heigthened sense of sensitivity,...He was SO WRONG. I tried Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis because the Dr said it would "ENHANCE" my erection. And while it took me from a Rock man to a Man of steel , it made no diff. On one occasion I had an erection for 4 hours and my wife and I had sex for 2 hours (long for us) but it was very frustrating. She preforms oral sex on me and while this is stimulating she just doesn't have the dynamics right and I end up bruised every time. If she manually helps me climax, she is very rough and this also hurts. She has tried all the "shrink" creams, and Kegel Crap Exercises, and even Surgery and it was all just a total failure. I find myself once again wishing that her vagina was at least firm. Or that the Oral Sex would be at least good. I can't talk to her about this because she will just cry. As long as I say nothing to her then everything is fine except our sex life.

I wish there was a pill I could take to "turn off" my desire for sex. It is just TOO FRUSTRATING to want sex and when I have sex with my wife it is so dissatisfying.

I don't know what to do anymore and at this point I don't ask for sex. I just don't think about it. At times I have masturbated in the past but this is a poor substitute for sex. I just don't see what else I can do. Both the women I was with other than my wife said that I was the most endowed man they had been with and that I was a very good lover. I enjoy pleasing my wife but at this point it's easier NOT having sex than having sex and then having to make excuses why I can't cum.

Any suggestions?

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to the frustrated guy about vaginal tone

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 05/04/2005 - 17:27.

Hi, I understand what you are going through from the opposite view. After I had a baby, I felt too loose and my partner complains that he can't get enough sensation. What we did works well for us, and maybe you can try it. (The first thing is that you have to remember not to make it "her fault" because that will make her close up to you.)
Maybe you can suggest experimenting with other positions and KY for for the manual stimulation. If you have her put some KY on your head then maybe it won't hurt for you. SHOW HER what you like. That's the key. Positions that work for us due to the lack of sensation are lying together on your side like "spooning" and entering her from behind, and also entering her from the top with YOUR legs on the outside (not hers) so that basically her inner thighs also squeeze your penis. You have to be kind of long for this, I think, so don't get frustrated if this doesnt work. Also, have you tried anal sex? It is tighter. Hope this helps.

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Update - 20+ years of Frustration!!!

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 16/03/2005 - 20:31.

WOW I gave in to having sex with my yesterday after first saying no. But later that evening I asked her and we so we were intimate. At first it was the same type of/ usual stuff. But I insisted that I wanted to penetrate her and not just do Oral or Manual Stimulation. She said ok, reluctantly, and decided she would be on top. Nothing different here, done this before. Usually in this position she's on top, kinda in a sitting position with me with my legs open somewhat, on bottom.

This Time I closed my legs as I pumped her and OH MY GOSH I hit the Paradise Stroke! Everything felt Different!! We both Looked at each other and smiled! And it was GOOD!! It wasn't virgin tight or anything like that, but it was statisfying!! That Little Extra Friction from Her did the Trick and it was GREAT! My wife usually is not very vocal about our intimate life. She says very little and doesn't like me talking about it ...even in the privacy of our bedroom. SO she surprised the Heck out of me when she says, You were in me in a different way and it Felt Really GOOD! MAN I was ready for more sex after that comment!

Now we're both grining.

She had , had surgery before becaused her vaginal tone was so bad she had a Prolapse. We both had high hopes this surgery would bring with it a resolution to our frustration. That's why we were both saddened when her body felt even worse than before. I hope that we can try this new position again and have the same results. I love my wife and want her to feel she can please me sexually. I think she's gotten real good at telling when I am Not Truthful about our sex life.

Thanks for listening.

"Satisfied Grin"

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Hooray

Submitted by mpramage on Wed, 16/03/2005 - 21:20.

Great news!

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Crying

Submitted by mpramage on Wed, 16/03/2005 - 13:52.

I don't think somebody crying need stop the conversation. Some people use it as a manipulation if they don't like the way the conversation is going!

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Sexual frustration

Submitted by mkarliner on Wed, 16/03/2005 - 10:59.

You certainly have been through it. However, I think you put your finger on it when you said that you can't talk about it, because she will just cry.

The real problem is probably communication, not your libido or her physique. Somehow, you need to be able to discuss the situation with her, as there is almost certainly some way she can arouse and satisfy you, you just need to find what it is. She obviously is trying, so she really needs some feedback in a way she can take.

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