Hello everyone and thank you for reading this. I am at a stage in my relationship where I think I love this person very much but we are so incompatible and I feel so dreadful about us that I don't know if I can fight anymore.

Without writing reams of information, cos you would be here for the next 5 years, basically, I haven't had a brilliant life anyway. My parents divorced when I was 11 years old and my dad became very possessive of me, i.e he made me go and see him every weekend. I missed out on my "teenage years," because of this and ended up in a relationship with a woman when I was 17 years old. Because of the pressure at home and wanting to "strike out on my own," I moved in with her and we spent 5 years together and married after 3 years.

Deep down, I knew I was gay and that it was the wrong thing to do but I felt a)pressured and b) thought I could cure myself of being gay by getting married. Ultimately, of course, it didn't work out and we divorced in 2000. I moved away from my home town and started a new life in a new city. I left all my friends behind in the process. I met a guy, we had a relationship for a year or so and then I ended that as well.

I met my current partner some 6 months after that and we have been together for nearly 4 years. I was made redundant from work and in the process, ran up horrendous debts in order to make ends meet.

Throughout our relationship, combined with the money problems I have had, I feel totally ground-down. I lack any self confidence or esteem. My boyfriend, to be fair, has totally been there for me throughout some pretty awful stuff and he is the one that has helped me stay afloat. My debt problems have resulted in me having to sell my house to clear them and start resolving my issues.

Our relationship is very volatile. He lives with his ex-partner and whilst this disturbed me at first, it is something that I have gotton used to. My partner does not, as far as I am aware wish to re-establish a relationship with his ex boyfriend but I know that his ex "carries the torch" for my partner and I think given the opportunity and my partner was willing, that would happen. Anyway, it's not about that. My partner wanted me to move in with him once i had sold the house to help him out financially and also to I presume progress our relationship. The problem is, they still act like a couple. My partner supports him financially and they argue over who loads and unloads the dishwasher. Whenever one of us has an argument with my partner, the other one is always in the middle. I try not to involve him because it's not between the three of us, only me and him or vice versa.

I have a cat. I love my cat dearly. I was told that the cat couldn't go if I moved in with him. I appreciate he is not keen on the cat but she's mine and to be fair, I am not imposing my life on him with regards to moving in. I am putting the vast majority of the contents of my house into storage, I am not demanding he clears out any of his stuff in order to make room for me. When I ended up getting upset about it, I was told I could bring the cat but only after a couple of months so his ex can get used to the idea. I just feel I am giving up my whole life and my possessions to satisfy him and nothing about what I want, which is what I did for my marriage and it fills me with dread going through that again.

When we argue, I am expected to a)listen to him and b) change to make him happier. If the grievence is something I have with him, it always gets turned around to me being the bad guy in order to try and make me feel bad for having the grievence in the first place, right down to stupid things getting thrown back in my face such as "I made you a cup of tea," or "I helped you do your house up to sell it." That, I don't deny but I cant stand the tit for tat attitude. My boyfriend is basically lazy and extremely demanding. He treats his ex like a skivvy and I think because he does this, he can do the same to me. We have split up numerous times in our relationship and his first response has usually been to create a profile on a gay dating website.

I admit I have faults and I am not the easiest person to live with. We are both scorpio's - strong willed. I'm scared if I have an opinion on something and he disagree's it will be the end of the relationship. This morning, which has bought all this on, we had a "discussion" and before I left, I went into his room, asked him politely to sit down and his response was "why do I want to sit down ?" Yet if he makes me upset, I have to listen to his side of the story. He does care about me - he's helped me financially and rarely complained. He's lifted me when I am down and I have done the same in reverse. Maybe not so much with money but other things.

Stupid things grate on me. He rarely says please or thank you when asking me to do something. I was bought up to say please and thank you. When issue raised, I am told, "it doesn't mean I don't appreciate you." To me, that's just plain rude. He makes comments about how "fit" other blokes are and more recently how "fit" some women are. This undermines my confidence totally yet when raised, I am told "it doesn't mean I am going to shag them."

I don't know if I want to be with him. I try and imagine my life without him and it scares me. Yet I feel why should I feel like this ?

I really don't know what to do. I feel like crying but I can't, that's how deeply it's buried inside me. I feel our relationship is, from his point of view "my way or the highway."

Please help. I cant talk to anyone about this because I am scared I will look the failure. I think it's all screwed up and I dont know how to resolve it. I want to be happy with him. Is it impossible ?

Thanks for any help in advance.