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partner with fear of intimacy

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 28/02/2005 - 20:31. Sex Problems for Women

Can you shed some light on what fear of intimacy really is? About eight months ago I met the woman of my dreams. There's no doubt that I want to marry her and spend my life with her. She was up front in the beginning by saying that when she gets close to someone she no longer wants to have sex with them. Unfortunately because I'm so attracted to her, I obviously want sexual intimacy in this relationship. I would never leave her just because she doesn't want to have sex, but I have to tell you it's really hard not to take this issue personally and feel sexually undesirable? Is there anything I can do to help her? She doesn't even like talking about this issue and I feel a little left out in the dark.

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Fear of Intimacy

Submitted by mpramage on Mon, 28/02/2005 - 21:35.

Well you are in the dark and that is part of her being afraid of the closeness. She doesn't want to face up to whatever is the source of her fear, and doesn't want to talk about it. This is tough. Things will probably not improve unless she can start to trust you enough to let you in a little more. Fear of intimacy is usually related to childhood family atmosphere, experiences and so on. A new born needs closeness, and if the carers can't provide it, the child becomes closed off and afraid of it. If you Find a Therapist who she will go to see, you may begin gently to get things to change.

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Fear of Intimacy

Submitted by soconfused on Fri, 04/08/2006 - 21:21.

You know, all I can tell you is that I am having a similar problem, and that your fears of being undesirable are probably unfounded, yet very natural. Women in this condition make it very hard on their partners, but also on themselves. All you can do is be there in whatever way she needs, but also try for the therapy. Sometimes we listen better when a third party confirms that which our partner has been trying to get across.

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