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multiple rejection

Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 24/02/2005 - 18:14. Gay Issues and Problems

I'M A 41 YEAR OLD GAY GUY. HAVE BEEN IN A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH A WONDERFUL MAN, AGED 36 FOR THE PAST 3 1/2 YEARS. MY PROBLEM IS: MY SEX LIFE IS AS FLAT AS IT HAS EVER BEEN.
IN PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS THE HONEY-MOON PERIOD ALWAYS LASTED AT LEAST A YEAR, WITH MARK [MY MAN] IT WAS LIKE A MARATHON FOR THE FIRST FEW WEEKS [7], MARK AND I ARE BOTH ACTIVE/PASSIVE AND NOT EFFEMINATE...JUST FOR THE RECORD.......... THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE HEATH ON HIS SIDE JUST WENT OFF.
SINCE THEN, I'M LUCKY IF I 'GET IT' ONCE A FORTHNIGHT, AND WHEN I DO, I HAVE TO BE THE ONE START IT, AND DO ALL THE WORK.
MARK SAYS I GIVE SEX TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE. WELL "YES" SEX IS IMPORTANT TO ME. O.K. NOT THE DO ALL AND END ALL, BUT I AM A VERY SEXUAL PERSON.
I AM NOT SURE, MAYBE IT WAS A BIG FIGHT, WE HAD THAT PUT HIM OFF ME, MAYBE IT'S THAT HE'S MADE THAT WAY, HE DOES NOT LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT.

I HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING SEARCHING GREENER PASTURES BUT I'D HATE TO CHEAT ON MARK.

I AM VERY FRUSTRATED!

WHAT SHOULD I DO.

CONFUSED FAG.

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Loss of Desire

Submitted by mpramage on Thu, 24/02/2005 - 18:48.

It seems he has a lower desire for sex than you, and whether he likes talking about it or not, you won't get a better understanding of how he feels until he does talk! Sometimes a fight can set off a feeling of distance, and need for self protection. Also some people react worse to fights than others, depending on what used to happen in their families in childhood.
This is a very common problem, and not one people like to talk about generally. We are all supposed to be having so much sex all the time that it feels as though if we are not then we are really wierd. This is not so of course. Once a fortnight isn't exactly famine, but I understand that you would like a bit more.
I think a session with a therapist could be very beneficial. You can Find a Therapist here.

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confused f.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 30/03/2005 - 14:31.

your wise words are extremely comforting.
i shall work on a session with a therapist and TRY to get mark to go with me, at some point. we shall see. i will keep you posted.

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Advice... from a fairy

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 23/03/2005 - 02:30.

Sex therapy should involve both partners. Going by yourself is a waste of time for your relationship unless you definitley think your the only one bearing the "load" of this relationship (which I doubt)... even then your partner must get involved with the therapy process at one point if either of you are going to be satisfied with the end result of therapy. Have the courage to explore your intimacy together!

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CONFUSED F.

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 30/03/2005 - 14:43.

hi kind fairy of mine,
i needed to hear that[therapy for both of us], i have been considering it for a while. thing is it's going to be one hell of a job to convince 'hubby'.....it is not easy for me to discuss this with third parties, but for mark it i apparently very much harder.

Our relationship, sex aside is a very good one you know, but often i get all insecure and the rejection really hurts, not that i try so much any more. i'm just scared that if i do not do anything about it, one fine day i might blow up and loose an otherwise very good man.

any way thank you for your help. :]

c.f.

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