Introduction to gay issues and problems

Gay Issues and Problems

When we started the Partner Therapy website, we made a conscious decision not to create a seperate section for gay issues. This was because we think that everyone has elements of all orientations in them, and did not want to create an artificial 'gay ghetto'. As the forums have developed, we have seen overwhelmingly heterosexual questions and problems, with the exception of some problems about orientation.

So, we have decided to create a gay forum, but this should not be taken to imply that anyone should not post to whichever area he or she thinks is appropriate. However, it does mean that we are keen to have representative postings from all sections of the community, and do not want anyone excluded.

Please post as you see fit.


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All Screwed Up !

Hi Everyone.
I need to find some guidance in my gay relationship, First I will try to give you a complete overview of my life. I was married for about 16 years and driving over the road, In 1999 I meet this guy, and I believe I actually fell in love with him, we dated four about 8 months, and we decided that we would live together as partners. I left my wife and moved in with him, (which that part of leaving my wife the way I did I really felt bad I should have done it differently, but I can't change that )

When I moved in with him , I also moved in with his ex-lover, he was staying there also, because they own an inn together, and that part really did not bother me, as the years progressed there was times he would start arguments for no reason at all, and threathen to throw me out on the street with nothing, I have worked hear at the Inn since we got together. He once came home late a few years ago and told me he slept with someone, and for the most time he leaves and goes shopping from early afternoon sometimes till 11:00 / 12:00 at night. I know in my heart when he is gone that late that he is cruising, we meet in a rest stop, so that part I am no fool.

My problem is We watch what he wants, we do what he wants, and he even trys to tell me what time to go to sleep, I mean dam I am 52 years old. I think I know when to go to bed. Point is he does what ever he wants, and I am left to run the whole show, his ex-lover goes to Florida in Oct,Nov and stays there until July, which means now I not only have my duties but will have his ex-lovers duties also this coming summer, when we get really business.The problem is his and his ex-lovers name is on everything,So he keeps me here because I have nothing, and he knows it. I told him what will happen if something happen 10 or 15 years from now if something happens to him, and he says that everything he has will go to me. Unfortunatly everything is written in the deeds that if anything happen,everything goes back to his ex-lover, and I tried to explain this and he had his ex-lover promise in front of me that if something happens I would get my partners share, Yeah right.

I am made to feel like I am really stupid. He refuses to put my name on anything, I can't rely on a promise from someone who I have no ties with, I do not know where I stand, If he really loved me I would think he would be concerned about the future if something happrned to him, Me I worry because if I wait another 10 or 15 years I will be in my late 60's and I will end up working at burger king, and spending the rest of my life in a one bedroom apt. If you were in my shoes what should I do !

not sure how to handle this situation

I was dating the love of my life for the last 3 years. He was honest about his past of being with men, but loved me dearly and was VERY sexually attracted to me. He moved the relationship forward saying "i love you" first, bringing up marriage and children without me ever mentioning. We were very happy and purchased our first place together in prep for me finishing my degree (which he supports me for) and marriage next year. He even hinted that he was having trouble waiting until we were married to start a family. I was and am okay with his past and his occational need to look at porn. In my opinion porn is porn regardless of who is doing the acting. Suddenly, he said that he could not handle our relationship as it was or was heading for because he was not sure of what he wanted and he felt that the feelings he was having toward men meant he was gay and he did not want to ruin my life. However, he is still very attracted to me and loves me just as much as before. He is still trying to salvage some sort of friendship/cohabitating relationship because of his continued feelings toward me. I am not sure how to handle this. If he is truely happy in a relationship with a man, then I will support him. He has been my best friend for many years prior and one of the most important people in my life. Its just very confusing since he still has feelings for me and has yet to decide if he is homosexual or not. His friends are pushing him to choose, but when we talk he seems to just be unsure. He has even gone so far as to tell me that when he attempted to have a date with a guy all he could think of was how that person was not me. He does not seem to want to completely shut the door to the future we he still wants it. He feels like 2 people and is completely miserable and it has begun to affect me. I am trying not only to support him through this tough time, but also figure out things for myself. It just keeps going in a circle since once we think we are ok, the other starts to wonder if the decision to slip up was right. Not sure what to do or think. Just looking for advice and sympathy since all our friends have never been in serious relationships or have ever loved anyone this much. Any comments would be appreciated and questions will be answered as honestly as possible. Thank you.

he's gay and broke my heart after 3 years of love

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I think he might be gay. I've caught him in a gay chat room telling other men he was
horny. I found gay porn sites on his computer and most recently I found a picture of a guy on his sidekick2. I emailed the guy back and asked who he was and how did he meet my boyfriend. The man told me on a chat room and he told me my boyfriend told him he was gay or bi. My boyfriend denys everything about being gay. But when I ask him if he's attracted to men he shrugs his shoulders. I broke up with him last night and I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop crying. Why didn't he tell me. Does he not love me ? Does this mean he wants to be with a man?

Bisexual or Gay

Hi all,

I've been with a fantastic guy now for almost 2 years, all is fine except our sex life. From his sexual history he has had a lot of relationships with men, but he also finds women attractive. I have a major problem with trusting bisexuals. Personally I belive bisexuals by no fault of their own are confused individuals and you can't have stability where confusion is involved.

My problem is our sex life. I believe I have a normal healthy sex life, but when I complain we don't have sex it always comes back to his low sex drive. Is this really possible in men?

This is driving me nuts, because I'm not sure if his low sex drive is a result of confusion or otherwise. He states that all his boyfriends have complained about this. How can I get around the frustration and feelings that I initiate the sex 99.9 percent of the time? I find that this is causing problems with trust, especially when he meets female work colleges.

Confused ?