Can't reach climax when my girlfriend is sexual with me

Sex Problems for Men

I'm a 22 year old male. I don't know why, but it seems as though only I can get myself off. If my girlfriend performs oral on me, I can't get off, if I do it, I can get off. When we make love, if my girlfriend does the work, nothing, but if I do the work I get off quickly. I don't get it. She can go down on me for 4 hrs. and nothing, but if I do something to myself then it doesn't take long. She's actually gotten me off twice orally of the many times that we've been sexual. Why is this happenning to me? She has offered for me to sleep with other women, but I don't really want to risk it. I've been with her for 2 yrs, and I don't know if I want to take the risk.
If I sleep with other women, I might get the satisfaction I need, but then I risk her hating me in the future or it coming back to haunt me somehow.
I havent been intimate with many people at all. She's been with a lot more people than I have. She's been with 2 guys, but doesn't want to have another girl do anything to me.
Personally, that's my ultimate fantasy, to be with 2 women. It feels unfair, but I give it up because I love her. We can only do but so many things because a lot of things hurt her, so it's usually me doing the work when we are sexual.
What can I do? what should I do? I'm very tired of my sex life and just want to enjoy what we do. We've talked about this a lot and it seems to lead to more problems. Sometimes I ask why me? what can I do?

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If you masturbated a lot and

If you masturbated a lot and conditioned yourself to come only from your hand of course you have a problem! Being with another woman will not change that. It is your fault and your problem, not the girls.
Try going without any stimulation for 2 weeks, do not touch yourself at all. THEN have your girlfriend give you head and see if that helps.

Omg,.. that last comment must

Omg,.. that last comment must come from a very ignorant person, because I don't think he realized your point at all.

Let me tell you, I am also a 22 year old, and I have the exact same problem that you have. TO make long frustrating story short, I simply can't reach an orgasm and I can't get hard Like a normal 22 year old. I should be able to get an erection in a matter of seconds to the point where it is rock hard, but I can only do that by watching porn and masturbating. Sometimes I get an erection in the morning, and if I want to get an erection by simply thinking about a fantasy, it doesn't really happen, my penis becomes somewhat hard, but not what I would call fully hard and erected.

Girls give me blowjobs, handjobs... and it feels ok.. but Not at all compared to the feeling I get when I pleasure myself.

I have come to realize that It is a psycological problem. I have read everything on the internet about this problem, and It is not physical because if it was a physical problem then I wouldn't be able to get a rock hard erection EVER. So, you and I have the same problem.

I'm sure there's someone out there who had the same problem and fixed it, but think about it.. for sure he's not gonna be sitting on a computer trying to help other people... So I guess we'll just have to find ways to find our own remedy.

I am going to date a gorgeous russian girl next week.. we're going on our first date, and I know 100% garanteed that I won't be able to get hard.. but I'll give it a try.

I am also very shy, and self concsious... so that is very very bad for my penis.

I notice that when I'm masturbating on my own... I'm not shy , or selfconsious... but when I'm with a girl.. I am very worried about my erection, and even when I manage to relax and lay back... I still can't get hard like a normal 22 year old guy.

I'm 6 feet tall, and 160Lb... and I exercise everyday. and I eat very healthy.

Doctors don't know anything. I don't even bother.

me too

i'm about your age and have the exact same problem...
i have absolutely no sensation when i'm touched/having sex with my partner. Orally, vaginally, hand job...nothing. And i feel aroused mentally and want to be aroused but nothing...only get a weak boner that lasts not too long. Strangely, I can masterbate no problem and I don't think I masterbate too much.
I did take celexa (an ssri) for about 4 years but i stopped taking that about 3 months ago. So, i'm thinking that's not it.

Needless to say i've only had "sex" a couple of times...don't know why i would anymore. It seems as though sex and happiness just isn't for me.

Same Problem

I was just wondering what you did to get over it. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and he is about the same age as you. We have sex, oral, handjobs and nothing works he says he doesn't even feel it but he can get himself off. I just don't know what to do. I dunno what to do, is it a physcological thing or what. Any information you have would be greatly appreciated. Some how I am the one losing hours of sleep over this and he refuses to go to the doctors.I don't know but please please help me!

Sex isn't just climax

You might want to think about seeing a therapist to explore why you (and the others in this thread) are numbing themseleves when they are with someone else. After all, you can come on your own, so a physical problem doesn't seem to be the way. Another thing you can look at is the page here on Sex Therapy which can be very helpful in getting in touch with your body. Lastly, its worth remembering that sex can take many forms, and there are lots of ways to enjoy yourself with a partner sexually. A focus on just ejaculation tend s to blind you to all the other things that sex can be.


I am not quite clear what the problem is here, as you can have an orgasm, but not with oral sex and not if your girlfriend masturbates you, but you can have an orgasm with intercourse? Have I got that right? if so, then that is not particularly unusual and not really a problem.
If your girlfriend has pain on penetration then that is a problem, but if it only occurs in certain positions or if she is not fully aroused, then that is normal and not a problem.
Many men have the fantasy of sex with 2 women, but if you want to keep your girlfriend and have a happy trusting relationship I wouldn't reccommend it, nor trying out other women, as that is also using women as objects. Many of them don't like that.
I think your idea of enjoying what works and not getting too bothered about what doesn't would be the best way forward for now.