Firstly the fear of another pregnancy may be important, so careful attention to contraception is a must. Fear of causing pain or further damage can affect both partners sexually, even causing erection problems.

There may be "flashbacks" to the scene of the birth, reminding both partners of the difficult, painful or frightening experience, and re- awakening the emotions attached to the events.

It may feel to the mother that her sexual parts have given her so much trouble that she wants nothing more to do with them. Alternatively, she may feel that her sexual parts now belong to the doctors and to the hospital.

It can be very important for a couple to talk through what they remember of events, and share the feelings about it. There may be a sense of loss that they did not have a simple birth like others do, or even a feeling of having failed in some way. A lot of the feelings are very natural, a bit irrational, and need to be talked about and shared.

There seems to be an increased risk of Post Natal Depression after a difficult birth, so extra vigilance and care is needed. Health visitors and general practitioners will help with this, as they are well aware of how awful that can make you feel. Do consult your health visitor if you are at all worried about your mood.