Becoming a Father can take some men by surprise. They may look forward to it and share the pregnancy and birth every step of the way and be fully emotionally part of it. They may be astonished at the emotional depths they experience with this tiny scrap of humanity, and feel a connection with the child from the outset.

Others may be distanced from the process, feeling left out and that it is not really anything to do with them. They may resent the way their life is taken over, and feel jealous of the attention given to the baby. Thay may miss the warmth and closeness from the woman and hate to see it going to the child. They may also feel ashamed of these feelings and try to keep them secret.

For some men the sense of responsibility is very strong and at times unbearable. A nursing mother is vulnerable and emotionally needy, and this may seem unreasonable and unfair. This can give rise to feeling trapped, and a desperate wish to escape.

For some fathers, presence at the birth is difficult to deal with. it can seem physically frightening, even alarming, and a father who decides it is not for him should not be pressurised into being there. It can have an impact on how a man perceives his partner's sexuality, and her sexual parts. He may find it hard to feel sexual towards her in the future.

Discussing any difficulty with the baby's mother, a good friend who won't judge, or a therapist could be a good way to normalise and reduce the discomfort of these feelings. Other men have felt the same and come through it!