Home » forums » Relationship Problems

my fiance never makes the first move

Submitted by Anonymous on Fri, 13/02/2004 - 09:41. Relationship Problems

I am a 27-year-old female and my fiance is a 35-year-old-male. I always have to initiate sex. Sometimes I think that if I did't initiate we would never have sex. I have even gone so far as to say "let's have sex tonight!" waiting for him to make the move and then nothing happens. I've gone to the bedroom after making a comment like that and have fallen asleep waiting on him. I think he masturbates more often than we have sex. Our ideas on sex in a relationship are different. I consider sex to be very important while he thinks ranks it lower on the scale of importence. We've discussed this problem many times but I don't think he gets the drift. We have great sex when we have it, but it's not often enough. I feel like the guy who always wants sex while he's the women who never wants it or is always tired!!!HELP!!

» login to post comments | next forum topic

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

Different ideas about sex

Submitted by mpramage on Fri, 13/02/2004 - 11:45.

These sorts of differences in sexual desires are very common, and as you suggest, it is more usually the woman who is less keen than the man! Although we think this trend is changing as women become more asserive and confident. You have realised that you have different ideas about the importance of sex in a relationship, and your fiance may require less physical intimacy than you do. Some sexual needs may be met by masturbation, but it is often a way of reducing anxiety and offloading the stresses of the day, rather than a sexual event.
The problem as we see it is that you each want different things. The way to resolution is to accept that both positions are fine and normal, and set about finding a way of dealing with the differences that feels ok enough for each of you.
This will involve each of you in communicating respectfully and clearly to get a thorough understanding of the other's feelings and expectations. If you get stuck, go and have a session with a couple therapist who will help you with it. There are a few to choose from at Find a Therapist.

» login to post comments