Arun, 19, is a car mechanic, who has already built up a successful business, and lives with his 19 year old girlfriend, Mina, in his own home in Essex. They would like to marry, and are expecting their first child in seven months. Arun is referred with his partner because of their destructive arguments, and his occasional violence which is now threatening the whole relationship. Mina says she asks him what he is thinking and he becomes tongue-tied, and she taunts him when he does not reply. Arun says he feels Mina is brighter than he is (she has just started a degree course) and cannot tell her why he gets so frustrated. If she teases him enough, he 'flares up' and becomes aggressive, and he feels even more stupid and 'put down'. Both of them feel locked in a vicious circle and want to learn another way out and are referred to a therapist by their GP.

They see a clinical nurse specialist who is trained in behaviour therapy. They are asked to keep diaries of their rows, which has the immediate effect of reducing the frequency with which they occur. Each agrees to give the other a time to talk when they meet each day, and they sit opposite each other at the kitchen table. This is because they have both said that this is where they feel more comfortable, and safe. They practise their conversations with the therapist, who provides thwm with feedback. Mina learns that she is more sarcastic than she had realised, and Arun learns that he is shouting even when he didn't intend to. Gradually they learn another, more respectful way of asserting themselves that ensures that they are heard, less frustrated, and less likely to argue.

What is Assertiveness Training?|Case Story for Assertiveness Training #1|Assertiveness Training