The principles behind this training are that social behaviour is learnt and can be unlearnt through identification of the problem and re-training.

You will be asked to give a detailed history of your difficulties, and special attention will be paid to the antecedents (what happens before) and consequences (what happens after) any situation where you feel you are not asserting yourself effectively. Of importance are patterns that emerge. Does alcohol make matters worse? Are you more likely to become aggressive when you are in a particular setting, or at a particular time? Do authority figures bother you- anyone in a uniform,or your doctor or the man at the Social Security?
You may be asked to keep a diary of these events to help sort this out
You will also be asked to describe exactly what you say or do in situations that go wrong.
Sometimes people are asked to 'roleplay ' these situations to give them and the therapist some emotional insight into what is happening. You may also be asked to describe what you believe is actually happening when you 'lose it'.

You will be trained in relaxation and deep breathing, if it appears that anxiety plays a big role in your assertiveness difficulty. You will be asked to prepare a 'script' of how you would like the situation to devlop, and to try and stick to it.
By practising these imagined situations many times in a safe and accepting place, you gradually learn another way of handing yourself, and will literally learn new words and phrases that enable youn to be heard.

If you are with your partner you can practise together, or with a group, or the therapist, or at home in front of a mirror, or a tape recorded. The key element is that you have to do it, not think it, and situations that are difficult must be real and tried out eventually in real life.
You will be asked to keep a record of these events and how you managed. This is for your benefit, and reminds you of the progress you are making. Progress can be slow at the start, but as you regain your confidence and self-esteem, you will behave differently, and elicit a different response from others, thus breaking the vicious circle.