Peter and Jill came into therapy because all their arguments escalated into mutual recriminations and blows, requiring both of them on occasion to seek hospital treatment.
They do not live together, but have had a visiting relationship for over two years, and Peter’s daughter from a previous partnership comes with him at weekends to join Jill. Both were deeply ashamed of their situation and frightened. Peter weighs twenty kilos more than Jill and both were motivated to prevent any argument escalating.

After assessment and diaries, they discovered that their violence was not as random as it had first appeared. After a month of monitoring- which itself had an inhibiting effect on their behaviour, they discovered the following risk factors; the presence of photographs of Jill’s partner from a previous relationship; Peter’s daughter asleep in the flat; alcohol under any circumstances; whenever Jill had had a phone call from Peter’s ex concerning childcare arrangements.

Their mutual jealousy of each other’s previous lives was at once recognised as a volatile factor, fuelled by alcohol, which neither was willing or able to abstain from.

They worked out the following plan,
They would not keep alcohol in the house, but would only drink at friends’ houses or in a local bar. Peter would take calls from his ex only on his mobile outside the flat. Jill would reciprocate by keeping the photos of her expartners only in her study- a private room. Weekends with Peter’s daughter had to be negotiated in advance, and at Jill’s invitation, so that she felt less ‘put upon’ by this re-constituted family.

Furthermore, they agreed that if an argument erupted, that it had to be ‘put on hold’ till the following day. If violence occurred, Peter agreed he would leave the flat and stay over with a male friend, for whom he had a key.