Jill, 22 had met Tom, the first man to show serious interest in her, and he wanted to develop a relationship with her, but Jill's feelings were very confused about whether or not she wanted a relationship with a man or a woman. Jill's thoughts and feelings were in such a muddle, she decided to see a therapist to try and straighten her head.

On questioning her, the therapist established that Jill's father had left home when she was 6yrs, and her Mother had been very embittered. For years, Jill had heard detrimental remarks about men not being trustworthy, victimizing women and using them. Jill had formed a close relationship with a girl in her school years, and they had remained good friends but it had never been a sexual relationship, although at times Jill had felt the stirrings of sexual feelings in response to her friend's kindness and warmth.

Jill's relationship with her Mother was strained and difficult, both dependant and resentful. When Tom came into her life, Jill's Mother had been dismissive and hurtful, warning her that all men were alike and he too, would let her down, just like her Father. In therapy, Jill explored a number of issues: her relationship with her Mother, and how to stand firm and stop absorbing her Mother's negativity; her relationship with her absent Father, with whom she had had no contact since he left home. Her feelings for her girlfriend were explored, and it was established that in some way, her friend had been a sort of substitute good mother-figure. Then they examined her feelings for Tom, and Jill realised that she really was attracted to him, and wanted to develop a relationship with him. What had been holding her back were the negative messages she had heard for years, and her confusion about the nature of her feelings for Maureen, her friend.
Jill was much freer now to enjoy her developing relationship with and attraction to Tom.