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Sexual Abuse

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Submitted by mkarliner on Sun, 23/01/2005 - 18:49. Sex

Men and women survivors of sexual, physical and emotional abuse often have sexual and relationship difficulties. These may include fear of intimacy, Vaginismus, (painful spasm at the entrance to the vagina), Erection Problems or Impotence, Loss of Sexual Desire or Libido, phobias and body image issues to name but a few.

The impact on sexual relationships may be great. Abuse, either as a child or young adult can cause feelings of shame and confusion. Not all abuse is frightening or painful and this makes confusion worse.

In therapy, we work with the emotional, physical and intellectual effects of being abused and how this may affect adult relationships and make being an adult in the world more difficult. Self-image and self-perception may form some part of the work, and can be interwoven within the Sex Therapy sessions.

Sex Problems for WomenSex Problems for MenCase Story for Sexual Abuse

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my bf was sexually abused as a child by an older male cousin

Submitted by love_is_not_enough on Thu, 30/03/2006 - 04:08.

My bf and I were having a lot of sexual problems, mostly because of the lack of intimacy. We first did it all the time then slowly started tapering off to now maybe once every 4-6 months. We fought a lot over the slack in sex, I didnt know if he was cheating or lost interest in me. Everything else was great and I was so confused.

Then I found out that he was masturbating to porn while I was at work. Ok I really got confused then because I couldn't figure out why he would rather pleasure himself all the time instead of having sex with his girlfriend. We was arguing real bad one day and I was ready to leave. To avoid me leaving he admitted that he was sexually abused as a child by an older male cousin. I mean he was like 18 or 19 and my bf was between 6-8 yrs old.

He said it had him confused for a long time. He (my bf) got caught with his guy friends around age 9-11 doing dirty things with one another. He isnt gay, he has had many different women sex partners and he doesnt think he is gay or anything he said he just lost the desire to have sex. Well I am just really confused and its not that I think he is using the abuse as a crutch but could someone please explain to me how someone who was sexually abused and has problems with sex now, could even want to watch a porn movie.

Porn just seems dirty and so sexual that it seems like someone would not even want to fool with porn if sex bothered them so much mentally that they couldnt even have sex with their own live in girlfriend? Also it scares me because I have always heard that men who have been sexually abused as a child grow up to be an abuser themselves is this true? I would love to know because I have a 8 yr old daughter by another man and a 2 yr old by this present boyfriend. He has never done anything but it scares me because of the statistics I have heard.

Please someone let me know something. And I do want to add that other than this he is the best boyfriend and Daddy I have known...Please could he be suffering from his personal problems and do I have anything to worry about with my kids....I am also the ONLY person that knows what happend to him....Thanks

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finally someone like me

Submitted by nala on Wed, 01/08/2007 - 21:30.

I too am in a relationship with a wonderful guy who was molested once by his own father and the only way he can get turned on during sex is to dirty talk about other guys banging me!! He claims he wants me to call him so he can listen while I am having sex with another man, if that isn't detatching I don't know what is. He too raises my daughter and I am expecting a child with him in March, he is great with all those he is not intimate with. How do I help him understand I have been violated in the very way he gets turned on and is there any hope for him to change his sexual deviation?

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Sex and Intimacy Problem

Submitted by mpramage on Thu, 30/03/2006 - 18:31.

Your boy friend seems to have a sex and intimacy problem, where sex is great at the start of the relationship, but as soon as it becomes emotionally close, he can't do it. The use of porn is a way of having sex without any intimacy. The sexual abuse could have contributed to this, it is possible.

I know the statistics say a person who has siffered abuse is 30% more likely to become an abuser than a person who has not. Do you think he could do anything? It doesn't mean he automatically would. You say he is the best Daddy you have ever known.

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sex abuse and intimacy

Submitted by love_is_not_enough on Sat, 01/04/2006 - 06:30.

Hey thanks for the reply,
Yeah he is the best daddy I've seen especially since he raises my little girl as his own. But it still scares me. He never to my knowledge has ever done anything but I just worry because of the statistics. And most all sexual predators are victims themselves. I love him and he is a wonderful dad but the thought is still there and I can't help but wonder if he uses that as a crutch to not be initmate with me...Its just made me real insecure and I really try to be there for him but sometimes I need him to. Do you understand that or am I being selfish?

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Has he seen a therapist?

Submitted by gemini10 on Tue, 16/05/2006 - 23:40.

It is hard to admit to one's self that there is a problem that needs professional help. I am a female, but I have a guy friend that cannot commit to a relationship, and cannot be overly intimate with girls. He has a hard time staying focused in his life, and uses pot to escape. I have talked with a past girlfriend of his who he eventually after 3 years of on-off again sex, and him being there, and then emotionally gone and selfish, she realized that he was dealing with the shame of the abuse, as if it was his own doing as a child. He was abused by a mother's boyfriend for a long time, as was his sister. Believe me their family is not close to this day.

However, what may be the most shaming for boys who are abused versus girls is that the way they are penetrated by their abusers causes an autonomic erection in the young boy. They connect that erection with shame at a young age, and feel dirty by it. This may not be the case with your man, I AM NO DOCTOR, but have heard that is one of the most untalked about parts of sexual abuse of boys. I would suggest he seek professional help (as I am for a man raping me), to fully get out his emotions. I hope I didn't scare you away from loving this person any less, it is NOT HIS FAULT.

Healing from the inside out!

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