Unhappy with high libido

Sex Problems for Women

Recently I saw a question in this forum that I could relate to. A woman wrote and said she was disatisfied with her extremely high libido, and your answer seemed to suggest that it was not really a problem and that mismatched libidos in the relationship were the concern. I disagree, because I also feel a constant sense of frustration sexually. Masturbation doesn't help, and I can have several orgasms and feel little more satisfied than when I started. When I want sex my partner is happy to oblige most of the time, but my problem is that I don't like feeling constantly aroused! To me it's like being constantly hungry, and seldom satisfied no matter how much is eaten.

Like the woman who posed a similar question, I too have wondered about taking medications with a side effect of libido reduction. I've even tried taking antidepressants that would do this, and the contraceptive pill, but I couldn't tolerate the side effects. If it is a hormonal imbalance what would the treatment for this be?

I am so constantly aroused that I often have very vivid sexual dreams that leave me frustrated, with a compulsion to have to masturbate to relieve this frustration. My life is busy, and I quite simply do not want to feel this constant 'horniness'! I envy women with low libidos, and I feel like a freak for complaining about mine being too high, as it doesn't seem to be an 'acceptable' or legitimate problem for women to have! We're all *supposed* to be seeking increased libidos!

Do you have any advice for reducing libido? The only time I recall my libido/level of arousal being low was after major surgery. For about five days after I was not aroused or frustrated! I do think there are other women out there like me, who similarly feel that it's not an acceptable problem to be voicing despite their unhappiness about it. I would be grateful for any help on this!

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Finding someone sexually compatible isn't the answer

I'm a 26-year-old woman who has been very promiscuous for the past seven years. I am now trying to "curb" my high libido. I've thought that finding a sexually compatible partner would solve it, but from my experience, I've noticed that the more "compatible" my partner was to my high sex drive, the more I desired more sex to the point where I was unproductive in my life. So, from what I've noticed, I get more addicted to sex the more I have it. Self-control is the only thing I've found to solve my urges. I often find a partner who has a lesser libido because I need to get things done in my career and life...but at times this is very frustrating. I guess, like with anything, achieving balance is key.

I wish my wife were more like you

I only wish my wife were more like you. I'm 39 and I've been married for 13 years. I love my wife very much, but I've had to go on testosterone therapy for chronic headaches. As a result, I want her all the time. I try to give her simply affection without sexual intimacy, but the whole time I'm giving her a back rub or just kissing her, I'll be as rigid as wood and want her so bad. It drives me crazy and I'm often up nights with so much sexual energy, I can't sleep. She just gets mad and says I'm making too big a deal out of sex. I don't know what to do to aleviate some of this sexual frustration. I guess if my wife were more like you, we would never leave the house, which would be okay since I work from home....

High Libido

I am a 41 year old fairly attractive gay woman and I have had a high libido since I was a teen-now its higher than ever. Most of the time I think it is great but sometimes it does bother me and I wonder about hormonal imbalance; etc. I have enjoyed an active sex life my whole life yet sometimes wonder if I am beyond "healthy" and enter the state of "addictive" sex... I seem to be more "visual" like men and my sex drive seems to match men more than women. I usually only become bothered by it when I think I am using sex to run from my everyday problems....

horny as hell

I am a 53 year old woman that have only recently experienced the same thing - I'm suddenly horny as hell all the time. I think the reason is that I am on bio-identical hormones that have testosterone in it that is causing this as I have never been this way in my entire life.
So the answer is to get your hormone levels checked at your Dr.'s office (simple blood test) and perhaps he can prescribe Progesterone and or Estrogen to counteract this. I firmly believe it is an excess amount of Testosterone in your system.

excessive libido

This is a topic which is largely overlooked, because the media industry focuses on men & women who want to increase their drive and/or performance. Lots of us want to "crank down" our sex drives, or in some cases eliminate them altogether.

Testosterone is a major culprit in overactive libidos. Testosterone triggers the areas of the brain that control male erections and female lubrication. Controlling t-levels can be tricky, however.

Some women & men experience a "natural" reduction in testosterone as they age. Many do not.

Forget about anti-depressants -- they don't alter hormone levels, they merely create "disconnects" in the brain by preventing seratonin reuptake. These disconnects mainly interfere with male erections and female lubrication, and make it harder to concentrate on achieving orgasm. They don't reduce libido much, if at all. They merely leave you horny with a decreased ability to relieve the situation.

Women can sometimes "offset" elevated testosterone levels by the addition of the female hormones found in birth control pills/injections/patches. But estrogen can also sometimes be converted to testosterone within the body, so it doesn't work for everyone.

Similarly, as some pre-op transsexuals know, when men are given female hormones, there can often be a reduction in sex drive -- but not always. Testosterone in some people simply dominates, and estrogens in such people can also be converted to testosterone.

For women, when the ovaries begin to shut down during menopause, some experience an elevated libido -- because the hormones are then largely from the adrenal glands, which raises the ratio of testosterone to estrogen in the body. This is also why suddenly in middle age, some women start getting chin hair as well. Hysterectomy can also cause these same changes. But, once again, the body has an ability to convert one kind of hormone into another, so one woman's high testosterone can be another woman's excessive estrogen (too much estrogen can dampen libido).

For men, the easiest and least utilized method of libido reduction is orchiectomy (removal of the testicles). It's obviously ill-advised for anyone wanting a family, but more to the point, there are certain cultural "taboos" about it. But there are plenty of men living happy sexual lives after such minor surgery -- some are removed for disease (testicular cancer), some to help address other diseases (prostate problems) and some folks simply have them out to reduce/eliminate libido. Such men can still have sex if they want -- the adrenals produce at least as much testosterone as women enjoy, and as we all know, that can be more than enough for some women!

Libido reduction can certainly be achieved short of removing testicles and ovaries, of course. Anti-androgens (testosterone blockers) such as Androcur, Lupron, Provera, etc. are drugs which target androgen receptors in the body and prevent hormone molecules from finding their usual receptors. They're mostly effective, and dosages can be modified to achieve the optimal libido reduction. They're probably not the best bet for a long-term solution -- but for those of you who would like to "try on" a reduced or eliminated libido, they're the best bet. No one should ever just assume they'd be happier living libido-less and rush into surgery -- it's worthwhile to try the hormone blockers for a few years first. You can always stop taking a medicine, but you can't put back the ovaries or testicles once they're gone.

No matter which way you choose to reduce your hormone levels, one of the side effects will be an increased risk of osteoporosis, so be advised that "fixing" your libido may put you at risk for bone fractures or at the very least spending the rest of your life on supplements/medicines to protect your bone density.

Also be advised that reduced testosterone levels will affect your body's ability to make/maintain good muscle tone. You may put on some weight and find it harder to stay in shape.

Hormones are still somewhat of a mystery in some ways, and they vary widely from person to person. Your physician can perform blood tests to find out if you truly have excessive testosterone (or estrogen), and can most likely prescribe a hormone blocker (or in some cases, additional hormones) to try to get things into balance.

It's sometimes too easy for a woman to get a hysterectomy and too difficult for a man to get an orchiectomy. This requires women to be extra careful (i.e. not rushing into an unnecessary surgery) and men to be very proactive (find a doctor who isn't going to brush off your hormone problems). For men, finding a urologist to perform an orchidectomy isn't impossible, but it may require a lot of "extra" work, such as second opinions and/or psychological referrals (to make sure you're not just a "body dysmorphic" looking to have bits chopped off for the heck of it).

Good luck to all of you who are afflicted by high libidos. I hope some of this helps. ;-)

Been there, done that.

I'm having a bit of a high li

I'm having a bit of a high libido frustration, too. I am a woman, 29, and happily married, but I think about and want sex a lot. I'm on an ssri for depression (Celexa), but it wasn't until today that I've considered asking my gp about it. I think I'm a bit embarrassed. Maybe my therapist can lead me in the right direction. It's nice to hear I'm not the only woman like this.

High Libido

I struggle with a high libido also, in fact it drives me crazy sometimes! Although this isnt going to console anyone, I have to say that I am relieved to know that others are affected by what I call a disease, thought I was alone with it - thank goodness I'm not. It consumes me & disturbs me!I am a 38year old female, divorced, ( no partner currently ) -the brief relationships I have had havent been successful in terms of sexual compatability, partners have said they felt inadequate & intimidated by my libido, have thought that I am a nymphomaniac which I am not!-Im sick of It to be honest! - When I masturbate, having one orgasm isnt enough. Being a busy working mum means that my time is limited & I end up being extremely frustrated which in turn affects me emotionally. I too have lucid sexual fantasies, & even now I am aroused for no reason. I recently went to my GP to see If I could get some help but it would seem not ! Dont know if having a partner would help & whilst seeking a partner do i search for one to be 'sexually compatible' with?

high libido

I too have a high libido level but just happened recently. I want to pull my hair out....it is driving me crazy!!! My husband does not seem interested anymore and I'm afraid that I am going to stray.

Egad! Me Too

Don't go pulling that hair out! I know exactly how you feel (except I've always had a high libido). My bf seems so bored with it that he just masturbates me to get it over with (half the time he doesn't even go himself), and I just feel like a nuissance. However, I have strayed in the past for the same reason, and it only caused complication and heartache, and being ALONE with a libido like this SUCKS!!

I still see there are no answ

I still see there are no answers posted. I am a man, happily married and for all the reasons above wish I could reduce my libido as well. I wish it would just go away and I could move on to something else. My wife and I would be better matched and that would be very very nice. I'm wandering all over the web and the closest I have come is the suggestion to try antidepressants. I even started reading about the chemical castration used for sex offenders but this doesn't seem right in that I would like to retain all the other male testosterone induced traits- just get rid of the sex drive! Help.


Whilst its true that some antidepressants depress libido, the common SSRI's (prozac, effexor, seroxat) can depress orgasm, but not libido, which is not much fun.

If you are in the UK, you can contact us and we may be able to reccomend a doctor who can help.


I can so relate to this women. I too have tried to take antidepressants to slow down my desires and all it did was block my ability to orgasm...but didn't limit my desire at all. I think my high libido had a lot to do with my failed marriage too. Sometimes I feel like I must be a freak or something....and sometimes I wonder if I just have too much testoterone. I can't help it. I am very jealous of women with low libidos....because I would love to focus my energy and attention on more productive pursuits.

Possible hormonal

This really does sound like a hormonal imbalance to me and I suggest you seek medical assessment and evaluation. Your GP may be able to help, or I can recommend someone personally if you mail privately into the main web site.

Did any of you find an answer?

What a relief!! I was researching in the wrong place, I guess. I was thinking that I might be a sex addict--and still questioning. I also have high libido and it's causing so many problems in my marriage. My husband complies but usually ends up having feelings of inadequacy --which I hate because I don't want him to feel less than or to be hurt! I do too want to "turn this desires/thoughts/wants/need OFF" or at least turn it down!

Please help

I can totally relate to the woman who wrote this article. I too have an extemely high libido and I hate it. I almost always want to have sex and it is always on my mind. I just want to turn it off, or way down! What should I do and who should I go see??

Help from hay fever

I'm a guy with a high libido. It's very distracting and eats up a lot of my time and attention. I've looked for ways to calm down. So far, the answer is 25% wife and 75% masturbation. For the past few weeks, I've been taking Claritin and pseudoephedrine (12-hour). I don't know which, but one of them is reducing my libido to a manageable level. This isn't really an answer, but it's nice to have some relief.

I've always hoped for some more permanent answer from something like yoga, meditation, or similar (but I've never really tried).

Yoga effects on libido

Thank you all for sharing this. I felt very alone and abnormal with my problem.

I am a woman with very high libido. I have tried many approaches (even antidepressants) and nothing brings it down. My doctor even dismissed me saying she would be happy to have a libido like mine.

I practice yoga and meditation almost daily but it does not have any effect on my libido. In fact, it makes it worse because I feel better physically after my practice and I feel the desire rush. But I know some people have had success with yoga and meditation.

It seems no one has an answer for us. But there must be one out there.

Good luck.

RE: Help from hay fever

I don't think it's the Claritin, because I take Claritin every day, and my libido is still high. I want to find a solution as well. I've been concerned about my high libido for quite some time.

stay zipped up

I don't know about women, but in a man its partly neurological. If you can't stay zipped up then consider serotonin blockers (clomipramine, fluoxetene).

Horny & Unsatisfied

I also have a really high sex drive, which seems to be hereditary in our family. I have tried curbing it with no luck, and now instead I try satisfying it mostly through masturbation. There are a number of great sex toys that help achieve this, and I find that if I have sex or masturbate in the morning this allows me to get through the day without my sex drive bothering me too much, but if I do get aroused or get the opportunity to have sex I take it immediately with great pleasure and feel no guilt as I am only satisfying my urges.

High libido

I'm a guy and I guess I have the same problem too, I cant satisfy myself enough and it just stays on my mind all the time.

I was also wondering that did anyone used to pleasure themselves before puberty? Because this has bugged me too. Am I the only one this has happened to?

High libido

There are probably several different reasons for having a high libido.
This is my personal opinion. If you were sexually molested as a child (this in itself will cause sexual awareness at an early age), I believe it will cause children to masturbate before puberty. Also boredom might start a child on this road.
Many of our foods have hormones added to them, which might cause a high libido. In some countries children are developing sexually when they are toddlers, etc. Girls are growing breast and pubic hair, starting their periods and so on. This is believed to be caused by the hormones in the food they eat, or mother eats, which then passes through the milk supply to the child. Certain chemicals like DDT, and other pesticides etc. stay in the bodies fat cells. These then cause hormonal problems in the person who was exposed, their children, and even grandchildren. You can do your own research online on these subjects.
I believe anxiety can cause high libido feelings, or anything that increases the volume of blood in that area of the body, even menstruation, or pregnancy's added preassure to the genital area will cause the libido to be over active. Sometimes sexual orgasm is a way to psychologically comfort oneself, because if feels good to the adult you, or the child in you.
A high testosterone level will also cause women to have high libidos.
When we start to go through the changes, pre-menopause, our estrogen levels go down causing our testosterone level to have a much stronger impact on our libido.
I have tried several things for my libido. These helped, taking estrogen, zoloft, applying ice to my genital area, energy burning exercises (running, dancing),and hard physical labor. I didn't try all of these at the same time, but at different times in my life. Do not wear tight pants or underwear, or sit in positions that will stimulate your genitals or cause and increase in blood flow. Practice redirecting your thoughts, distract yourself, and to what ever degree is right for you and/or your partner enjoy yourself.
Eventually aging will take care of the problem, or blessing depending on who you are and how you are affected by a high libido.
Good Luck!