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Can men have women friends?

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Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 04/10/2004 - 21:31. General

At the moment my husband and I are going through difficult times in our marriage which has been really awful for the past number of years. We decided that things had to change. Throughout this time I have had no one to talk to as a friend. My husband has a good friend but has also met up with a woman on the internet. He tells me they are just friends and that she is helping him sort out his feelings. I on the other hand am having difficulties with this friendship. They spend up to one and a half hours at night not talking but sending messages to each other. They also text message each other. I have told him how I feel and I admit I am jealous. He thinks it is something I have to deal with and that he is still going to be friends with her. He tells me that she is no threat but I still find this very difficult to accept. Please advise as I am totally confused. Am I being unreasonable?

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No Threat?

Submitted by mpramage on Tue, 05/10/2004 - 09:03.

Thank you for yhis query as you describe a very common situation. I have written about it on the front page of the forum under 'Why Men Cheat'.
The trouble is, your husband is not taking your distress seriously and does not realise how damaging this relationship is. He is having an affair, albeit not physically sexual, but an affair nevertheless. It is indeed a threat, but he probably sees it as a bit of harmless entertainment. If it is of so little importance, why can't he give it up?
The thing with internet relationships is that you only have part of the person and it can feel very intense and special in a way a day to day relationship does not. There is also the element of fantasy and 'what if' to give it an extra buzz, and even worse, it can bebome addictive, because of the buzz.
I am sorry if I am laying it on a bit, but in general such situations need to be faced and cleared up as quickly as possible. You may find it helpful to talk it over with a therapist who understands these things, and who could see you as a couple to help get things straightened out.

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Can men have women friends?

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 06/10/2004 - 11:09.

You were asked a question by this person which you have not answered, and one which is central to relationships, can marrried people have friends of the opposite sex.

You have talked about affairs, are all relationships between people of the opposite sex affairs whether they are sexual or not?

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Opposite sex friendships

Submitted by mpramage on Thu, 06/01/2005 - 17:55.

Of course married people can have friends of the opposite sex. That is not the issue here. If one partner in a relationship is expressing concerns about one of these friendships, then it would be helpful if the other partner, out of courtesy if nothing else, listened to those concerns and took them seriously.

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