Hi,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. He has always had a difficult time having an organsm during intercourse and lately it is becoming harder and harder for him. Often he gets frustrated and gives up. I've asked him if there is anything I can do differently to help him, but he doesn't have a clue. He tells me that it's not me. I'm not able to pleasure him by hand or orally. I think he hesitates to get intimate because of this. I'm usually the one who initiates intimacy. He says that sex is not a big thing for him because I guess in his mind he thinks that this is the way it has to be.

I love him very much and I want to be able to pleasure him. It just seems like he doesn't want to initiate anything with me because he knows that it will be too much for him. He gets very out of breath trying to have an orgasm during intercourse and he has to focus so hard that any little thing will throw him off even if he slips a little he gets dicouraged like he has to start all over again. He has had to stop many times out of exhaustion and when he is able to have an ejaculation he is totally out of breath, his back hurts a lot, and he is very achy.

He's told me that he is able to ejaculate during masturbation and I know that he's into looking at women (I say this because my friend and her husband haven't had sex in 3 years and she has found evidence that he is not into women), but he has never been able to ejaculate during oral sex. I want him to be able to have an orgasm with me, but it just keeps getting harder and harder. Even if I could make him have an orgasn some other way, it would be better than nothing. I'm worried that in the future we won't have sex at all because of this problem. He's not on any prescription drugs, he's 35 and, he is otherwise healthy. He's not overweight, but he doesn't workout much. Is there anything you can suggest to help this situation?