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where to draw the line with porn? Whats fair and when do you break up?

Submitted by ona on Thu, 14/02/2008 - 19:49. Internet Porn Addiction

Hello everyone

I've posted a couple of questions here in the last year or so regarding my bf's porn collection.
Surprise, surprise, its still going on.
A couple of months ago we fought about this, and he promised to get rid of his huge stash, and to stop buying it.
Imagine my surprise today when I lift this sac of porn which weighs abut as much as me. and yes, there is even a new magazine.

Im trying soo hard to be open minded. I know most guys look at the shit, and atleast his collection isnt violent or weird.......just damn barbie dolls. Who look nothing like me.
I know that no relationship is perfect, and no matter who i am with there will be always something wrong.
We have sex rarely, and Ive told him I think it is because he looks at porn. He denies this, but has promised to make more of an effort with me. He is trying, but its very slow. Also, he is doing all these "porno" things which dont really turn me on. So even though we are doing it "slightly" more, it sucks. What he thinks women want is warped by porn. I am finding myself completely unsexual, with not even an interest in solo activities.
Lately too, our ability to understand each other is failing as well. I feel like he just doesnt get me in the same way any more, like he is going further and further away from the female side of things. Our bond is lacking, and it could be because we dont connect physically either.
Ive loved him for several years and I felt that we could work though anything.
I am becoming bitter because he has two sexual venues that i know of (porn, and me when he feels like it) and i have zero. Now not even myself.
Im seriusly thinking about leaving. I cant bare to bring this shit up again to him, and now that i see how he is willing to lie (like saying he will get rid of it and instead buying more), Im afraid that later on this will translate into our relationship. And what if one day we have kids and our daughter finds daddy's smut? Wtf.

Am I over reacting? Should i stick with this kind, smart man and put up with his need to jerk off to the idea of girls who are not me?

heeelp!

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Yeah I agree Run Like Crazy!!

Submitted by rubytuesday on Tue, 11/03/2008 - 21:23.

You should get out, you have no ties to him at all, your not happy... he's lied it won;t go away!! When you have kids it gets worse, trust me I have 3! Your sex life goes completely down the toilet... and he's on the net half the night anyway! You go to bed alone, deal with the kids alone.. oh and when he feels like it, you may have sex!!! however the thoughts of him looking at women that are nothing like you doesn't go away, so your self esteem gets lower and lower!
Run like crazy honey, theres your perfect man out there somewhere for you, it may seem easy to stay.. but you only live once!

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thanks for the feedback

Submitted by ona on Wed, 12/03/2008 - 14:14.

wow, its scary to read this. it feels like Im looking into my future.
Rubytuesday, did you used to hang out on stupidboy forums yeeears ago? I remember that name- and that it was always attached to good advice.
Either way, thanks again.

In regards to my whatshisface, he's nice enough to atleast not do it when Im around and I dont think he uses the internet.
Its really too bad...I thought he was one of a kind. I still want to stick around, but knowing that Im going to be lied to no matter what kind of puts me off.
Im trying to find a way to leave....

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Thank God he's just a Boy friend....

Submitted by FedupinCA on Tue, 04/03/2008 - 01:00.

Run and run like hell as fast as you can out of this relationship. You've got a crystal ball to your future of heartache and a living hellish existance. GET OUT.... like yesterday. I'm 20 years in, use to be like you...open minded, trusting, even joined in on the view. Then it started to snowball... and NOW he's at about 40 hours a month or more and that's not even counting the porn on the road since he's a pilot. YOUR ENOUGH...you stay and one day it will erode your self esteme to the point you don't even recognize yourself. The kids you'll have one day...they will accidentially burst into the room while daddy is getting an eye full and then they are exposed to this smut. I have 3...trying one day to log onto the computer to help daughter with homework. SURPRISE...he forgot to close the page and WHOA... did we get hit with a full page of boobage! She's too young for this BS. Did I forget to say RUN Run as fast as you can out the door. You poor thing... it's valentine day that your posting this...Why do you have to think about this on valentines day? Do you want these thoughts a year from now, 2, 10, 15 try 20. Did I forget to say Run!!! Leave yesterday. There is no cure for this...I hear even castration isn't the answer. Thank God he's just a boyfriend...it's not a little deal. It's a big deal and likely to only snowball over time. Listen to the voice in your head... stop making excuses for him...Did I forget to say GET OUT!!! go now, save yourself... be free. Kids only complicate the whole mess... then you'll worry about them being exposed for the rest of their LIFE TOO. Go NOW! It's better to be a little lonely for awhile than live a life with this, trust me I know. Signed 23 year serving a life sentence. :(

Make love to her mind and her body will follow!

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