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Confused about my anger

Submitted by nheadley on Thu, 31/01/2008 - 14:50. Relationship Problems

I've been married for 18 years and ever since my son left for college in August, I have noticed a change in my behavior towards my husband. He is retired and spends a lot of time in the lounge chair reading the news and doing other cerebral things. I resent his not doing his share of work here. I also get angry when he disrespects my work (walks through the house with dirty boots, for example). His lack of initiative drives me crazy, perhaps because I am so very motivated to improve my home and farm and I really like to do physical work. Hence, the problem I am encountering.
How do 2 different people maintain communication and a marriage? I realize the focus is off my son and probably I see too much of my husband each day. I need to tell you that I am a cancer survivor of 5 years and perhaps I am just plain scared at times. Most of the days I am hopeful, but when I see this 62 year old man not doing much, why does it bother me so much? My feelings for him have gone downhill since the cancer scare in 2003 and I am wondering if I should stay with him.

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Children leaving home

Submitted by mpramage on Sat, 02/02/2008 - 12:18.

When a child leaves home it can certainly shift the focus of the parents, as you rather suspect. It seems as though you recognise that it is you who have changed, rather than your husband, and you are quite different people, I suspect, you enjoying being active physically and he enjoying the cerebral activities.

Might there be a new interest that would engage you both and give you something you could share and discover together? Something that would tap into both your talents, and I have no idea what that might be. I have known couples develop interests in sailing, amateur dramatics, animal welfare, youth work, and all sorts of things. It helps to take the focus off the other's shortcomings!

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So if we are quite

Submitted by nheadley on Sun, 03/02/2008 - 14:13.

So if we are quite different people, how do we begin to develop interests together when he would rather sit and read and watch the news on tv all day? I can't change him. Can a marriage exist, do you think, if he goes his way and I go mine? Live in the same house where I do most of the work......with a whole lot of resentment which isn't good for my wellbeing. He shows no respect or consideration or even acknowledgement for what I do around here. That's probably a 2 way street, too.

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