why wont she have sex with me?

Sex Problems for Men

I've posted on here about this before and the advice was to try and talk to her about it. I have been with my fiance for nearly five years now and sex is now a very rare luxury. We had sex as often as anyone else at the beginning but has now trailed off to a once a month thing or once every two month type thing. I tried talking to her last night and she just said she was "lazy" about it now and has never really been interested in sex! we ended up arguing about it when I told her something is wrong and I'd like to find out what it is that is wrong. Then this a.m we were OFF with each other for a bit but after a while she cuddled me but no more was mentioned about the "conversation"!?

I love her and am sure she loves me but she says sex isnt a big part of a relationship for her, which I cant understand as I love sex and believe it IS a big part of a relationship, I'm trying hard not to stray and go behind her back with someone, its something I dont agree with but find myself tempted to do it more and more often! will I end up doing it...I dont know, but like I said to her last night, for me, I cant live the rest of my life with her in this way, I know when we get married nothing will change and I need to express my love with her in a sexual way aswell as in all other ways. Please help :(

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She has to change or she will have to accept u straying

I know that you are not alone in the way you are feeling. Many women do not find sex to be a very important part of their relationship, and sometimes it is actually the man who feels this way (hard to believe but true!) and the woman who feels the way you are right now.

I guess I must have a fairly high sex drive, in that I am quite happy to have sex with my partner (of three years) every two days. I admit, there are days when we want it every day, and days when he wants it twice in one day and I get the sh!ts and dont want it because he is wanting it too much and being greedy.

I think the two of you are mismatched. You really need to have a long hard think about this - because it is unfair on you, to have to live the rest of your life with someone who doesnt want sex, because it is only going to make you MORE bitter and more angry with her.

I dont think that theres any doubt, that you will stray, should she not change things. Perhaps she has never had a very gratifying sexual experience. Maybe she is so tense about sex that she can never relax and orgasm, or just be sexual and enjoy that.

I dont think its fair on you. You are not asking for much. I am like you in that I NEED sexual contact with my partner in order to help reinforce our closeness and our relationship.

There is someone out there for you, sexual perpencities dont tend to change - she is likely to not adapt and accept that she needs to 'chop up' more often to satisfy her partner. With sex, the more you have, the more you want it, you have to tell her you want it more or you're going elsewhere.

Its harsh, but why should you put up with it?

The importance of sex

The trouble here is in the different levels of importance you each have around sex. To you it is much more important than to her. Like many men, you need it partly to express how you feel about her, and she doesn't need it at all, again like many women. There is nothing actually "wrong", you are just different, and need to work out how to be comfortable together if your relationship is to go forward. You will probably get a bit less than you want, and she will have to do a bit more than she wants, but everybody with a relationship they value has to make efforts and compromises.

When you try to discuss this, it is important to stay cool, don't get defensive about your own view, and really try to understand deeply where the other person is coming from. Getting to an argument, leaves you feeling off with each other and takes you nowhere!!