I met my girlfriend 2 years and we became good friends. 18 months ago we started going out with each other. We really got on brilliantly and as early as 6 months we were talking of moving in together. There were a variety of reasons that this proved not to be a good idea so we agreed to leave it till a more suitable time. One of the main reasons though being my gfs study which takes up a huge amount of her time which we agreed should be an absolute priority.

We don’t argue, we laugh together have a wonderful loving relationship and share interests despite there being 10 years difference in our age although she told me she wanted to be with her friends more and worried that because we had so little time together that this would be unacceptable. I agreed that it was not at all unreasonable and we mixed the 3 things together. Her parents, whilst liking me as a person, did not initially agree with the relationship because of the age difference. This put obvious pressure on my girlfriend but 3 months ago they relented in so much as saying they didn’t think it was ideal but that they would support her as it seemed she had made her mind up to go ahead with it.

She has never been in a long relationship and told me that she has run away from relationships because of a fear of commitment and a need to control her emotions for fear of getting hurt. After a year of going out we came back from a 2 week break and within a week she had told me she was having a serious "wobble" with regard to the whole commitment thing. We talked and I managed to allay some of her fears about what she assumed a serious relationship would entail. To her it was almost the end of life as we know it because that’s what happens when you settle down. We agreed that the subject of moving in should be left for the foreseeable future so that the relationship could continue on its course. She agreed that this would be good and we carried on. 4 months later she spoke to me again and said she was worried about the whole commitment thing and again we talked and again we agreed that we could continue and that it was another "wobble". Since then I have obviously been worried about the next wobble and when it might come although I have managed to put it to the back of my mind and the relationship continued as normal with us getting along great and sharing wonderful experiences.

Over Christmas we were apart for 3 weeks. 2 days before I left she handed in assignments that had kept her very busy so that we only saw each other once a week maybe twice a week and so that then freed her up to see friends and party and visit family and all the normal things in life. When I came back she told me that she was having huge problems with the long term picture of commitment and everything that comes with it. Because we had 3 weeks apart she had really made her mind up and I made a vain attempt to talk her around but we are at the stage were we have agreed we are now split up. I realise that consciously or not there is probably an association of hard work when I am around and friends and family when I am not.

She seems to be hurting as much as I am. She says she still loves me, loves being with me and the time we share together. She says she thinks I am incredibly kind, giving and loving and that all of those things someone will be very lucky to have but that she is just scared of committing to this or any other relationship right now and that I deserve to meet someone that can be as passionate and emotional as I deserve. She says it is the times that we are apart that cause her worry, angst and fear about long term commitment. She is an only child and has had problems sharing emotions easily but we talked about it and agreed that everyone is different and that it shouldn't matter and that hopefully in time it would come more easily to her and between us. I know that she has felt guilty about her perceived emotional shortcoming and despite trying my hardest to gently assure her that it’s not a shortcoming I know it has bothered her. She often talks of the relationship being about me giving and her taking but I think this has been through the necessity of her having to study. I am worried that she has some sort of guilt complex alongside her obvious commitment issue. She is a strong, independent, caring, loving and kind woman. (She would never refer to herself as a woman though as she sees herself as a girl) She is very capable of holding her own and had an equal standing within the relationship which was one of many things that made her so appealing.

I guess what I really want to try and establish is should I accept that I am trying to achieve something that is not possible and forget this relationship or if I should just let her see what the world brings and see if she wants to change her mind in the future despite the obvious risks to my own emotional wellbeing. I cant help feeling that this relationship maybe worth fighting for especially if there is something else going on in her mind that I could perhaps help with in order that she can feel like committing.

Any advice would be gratefully accepted

Thanks