I have been with my partner for 12 years, during which time we have went through it all. Disapprovals of the age gap, the physchotic ex-wife, exorbitant demand from the CSA and the using of the kids as pawns in the eternal mind games.

All the kids are now adults and just when things should be better, we just seem to row constantly, well more I seem to want to argue. Most of it stems from his youngest son, who is a complete waster and is following in the footsteps of his older brother, who has drug and alcohol problems and has spent most of the last 12 year in and out of prison. The boy tells lies constantly, steals and is always bumming money. He stayed with us from the age of 16 to 18 in an attempt to sort him out but left 18 months ago, when he stole the car, wrote it off and then accused me of making a pass at him. My partner has never spoken with the boy about the lies he told about me and that hurts. Subsequently everytime he is mentioned I seem to lose the plot and launch a tirade at my partner for all the petty things that have annoyed me for years and about the way he is not addressing his youngests attitude and behaviour. We had a similar situation with the oldest boy and I feel history is repeating itself

I don't want to fight anymore but I can't seem to get my partner to listen or even talk to me and attempt to understand how I feel, so everything descends into rows. What can I do to sort out my resentment issues and get him to appreciate how I feel?