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Loving relationship is breaking down (because of porn)

Submitted by rwanitta on Mon, 17/12/2007 - 23:45. General

I have been with my partner for just over 2 years now. I have a 4 year-old daughter from a previous relationship and we are expecting our first child in February.

We have a wonderful relationship he and I. We have great communicating skills, we complete each other on various levels, our one problem is in bed. When we first started dating, sex was almost every night. One time, I found a porn dvd in his dvd player and was quite appalled. He said he didn't need it, that I was all he needed (this after he had already deleted the porn off his computer). Six months into our relationship we moved in together and the sex, although less frequent was still very much present.

It started declining when I told him that I didn't want to spend so much time watching porn while doing it. Right after that, sex outside the bed became "dirty" and "wrong" to him. Not only that, if/when I initiate, he turns me down. I asked what I could do to maybe get some more (another problem I have is a very high libido), he answered to "always be naked, 'cause you just never know". I am a submissive person but I think this is all getting rather ridiculous.

I see porn almost as a form of cheating especially when your wife/gf is READY and WILLING at all times... He has lied to me repeatedly regarding watching porn online and on tv and about a month ago,while we were waiting for him in the car, my daughter pulled down his sun visor and a funny looking pamphlet fell out. I grabbed it, it was a pamphlet from his work but he had cut out hundreds of pics of women, all in the same position that he likes. I was quite angry not only by it but by the fact that my daughter found it (luckily she didn't see the content). I angrily ripped it up and threw the bits on the floor on his side of the car. To me, that was the last straw.

I feel deceived and although I don't want to sink as low as him, I believe in an eye for an eye and I may be 7 months pregnant, I am wanting desperately to get even with him by perhaps sleeping with someone else. Is it "wrong" for me to feel this way? Does anyone else feel that porn is wrong when you are more than willing to satisfy your partner yourself? I can't help but feel duped into this relationship when we had all that sweet talk in the beginnings about never letting our sex life go stale....

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A little insight

Submitted by xx greenie xx on Wed, 16/01/2008 - 13:31.

I think its important to start out, that I have dealt with this issue in my life more than once. Once on my own account because my boyfriend was addicted to it, and then one as the daughter who found my mothers boyfriend looking at porn.

My mothers boyfriend was immensely addicted to porn. If you don't believe it is right, than that is what you believe. I think that it changes in every relationship. Cheating would be dumb. You don't want to lower yourself to his point. I know that you feel a multitude of emotions now, and I think that they are valid.

Some people will tell you that porn is okay, and others like me, believe that porn is only okay, (1) for lonely men, who have no one. (2)To watch it together when you BOTH want to. (3) And for teenage boys who don't have gorgeous loving girlfriends/ are old enough to participate in sex.

I WOULD feel cheated on. Especially with the lying. Coming from the daughters standpoint, I would not want something of the sort in my house with my four year old daughter.

Who is going to be the one to explain to her (Yeah its wrong, but _____ looks at it anyway)Wouldn't the same logic then go to other things/ Young minds are feeble and easily altered.

What you need to do is set down the law. What is acceptable and what is not, because it is about the kind of environment you want to raise your daughter in. The kind of morals you want to instill into your children. Tell him you feel cheated on. How would he feel if tomorrow he logged onto the computer and you left up a window with a whole bunch of really big penises on it?

I think the key to this one, is communication.

Good luck

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