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Lack of desire for partner /

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Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 23/08/2004 - 21:32. Sex Problems for Men

I have found this website very informative and it has allowed me to see my own problems more clearly.

I have been in a relationship for 7 years and for the last 4 years or so I have not wanted to sleep with my partner. We have sex once every 3 or 4 months at her instigation and often I cannot come. She would like a better sexual relationship (and so would I) and that we are still together I hope shows that in other respects the relationship is happy.

While I have not wanted to sleep with my partner, I do have an active sex drive, but this is directed in ways I am not happy about. I use pornography and masturbate daily and visit prostitutes.

I seem unable to stop my "hidden" sexual activities although I think visiting prostitutes is unacceptable and exploitative and the thought of passing on any disease to my partner is horrifying (I always use condoms and generally avoid intercourse but I am still terrified by the prospect). Above all I am being unfaithful and abusing my partner's trust. I would like a proper and satisfying sexual relationship with my partner.

I have not been able to talk to my GP about this, although I have wanted to, as I am deeply ashamed of my behavior. Having found this website has made me determined to overcome this behaviour.

Please can let me know the best course of action. I think I have realised that I will have to talk to my GP.

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lack of desire for partner

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 06/01/2005 - 12:40.

Although I agree that the lack of desire in your current realtionship is a problem, prostitution is not as totally wrong as you make out. I know many couples who use sex professionals (prostitutes) as a matter of course and also have an active sex life together. The trick is to get the same level of desire you have towards other outlets, towards your partner. I bet that if your desire and sex life with your partner increased then your use of other outlets would diminish. The sex industry has existed since time began and it is not the total disease that some make it out to be. Our victorian attitude towards it is.

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Addiction to prostitutes/porn

Submitted by mpramage on Tue, 24/08/2004 - 07:51.

Thank you for this enquiry, as there are many others in the same situation who will be able to relate to it.
You probably can't fix this without help, and I imagine you know that. You need to see a therapist who can work with this sort of problem. It can all be sorted out. Go to "Find a Therapist". or www.basrt.org.uk.

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